Lazy partner

[Daddypenguin]

We're had our first (and last!) baby 6 months ago, and my partner is starting to have to make plans in terms of her future work.

To give a bit of background, I run my own business, and work between 40-48 hours a week. I've always been a big believer in working for your income, and find the idea of scrounging off benefits or off others abhorrent. I also do most of the cooking, the gardening, and half the childcare duties when i'm at home. I was under the impression that my partner was doing the cleaning while I was out, but have since found that her mum has been doing that.

My partner comes from a family where a number of her family live off benefits. Some with good reason (e.g. disability) but others because they're lazy and workshy. My partner herself has, in fairness, worked since completing college qualifications 12 years ago.

She's been offered a job starting in September as a dinner lady at the local school - 2 hours a day, 3 days a week. Her mum has offered to have DD for those hours as childcare locally is ridiculously expensive.

All fair enough so far, but my partner now repeatedly assures me thats all she's doing. Even once we get our hours of free childcare once DD is 3. Even once DD starts school - she might go up to 5 days but doesnt want to be working more than 2 hours a day. That's her plan for life now apparently - work 2 hours a day, and relax watching TV the rest of the time. The head at the school has already all but offered her an LSA role during school hours once she's ready for it as she's already more than qualified for the role.

I dont think i'm being unreasonable to be somewhat miffed that i'm working 48 hours a week, working my backside off, coming home and doing most of the chores at home, while she sits and watches TV, and that she expects this to continue for life. At the moment she at least has DD to look after during the day, but once DD is in childcare or school there is no reason for her not to be working.

I dont want to leave her - primarily because I dont want to be paying child maintenance and have relatively little control of the upbringing of our child!

Any suggestions welcomed. At the moment, the only thing i can think of is once she stops getting maternity pay to buy stuff for our daughter myself (which i'd never bregrudge) and to refuse to give any money to my partner so she has to earn it herself.

Caring for a 6 month old is 24/7 full on hard work. So what if she has the TV on while she does it?
Don’t forget the sleep disruption (expect she does the night duty childcare) clinic/doctors appointments, taking time off when child is sick? I would suggest it seems are considering the only the financial aspect of your relationship and you had to pay her by the hour you wouldn’t be able to afford even the childcare she provides.

Jeez, the responses riled me so much that I actually signed up to make my first ever mumsnet post! 😂

Looking after a baby is undoubtedly very hard, especially the first time. But make no mistake the responses would likely be very different if a man was telling his hard working wife that he planned never to work for more than a couple of hours a day for the rest of his life.

How anybody can think that's reasonable is beyond me! It's her that's showing contempt IMHO.

It's most likely your tone that got people's backs up, as it sounds like you're only staying with her for tactical reasons. But she does sound like a lazy individual who wants to be a lady that lunches at your expense.