Vegetable self defence.

[Mysterian]

If you had to use a vegetable in a self defence situation what would you choose?

I think I'd go for a nice long sweet potato. Easy to hold and with a solid bit of weight to it. And nice to eat after you've used it.

Giant mooli without a doubt !

A swede, on the swede!!- hard as f**k !! Xx

Gutted we cant have frozen legs of lamb (obviously not veg) but think about it, you cook it and eat any evidence afterwards!

I suppose those frozen baked potatoes have the same principle!

Where do we stand on Quorn?

Quorn is weird. It's a mycoprotein used to replace meat, so it's basically a fungus chop and not a vegetable.

I should think a cob of corn could land a good thwack on someone.

A red cabbage, I bought one the other day and it was really heavy, I think I could cave someone’s head in with one.

Obviously I mean purple cabbage.

Dried beans and a catapult. If dried beans are not available then any veg and a catapult. I reckon I could fight you off with an aerial asparagus attack or a broccoli bombardment.

A swede . Hard as nails.

Massive marrow, launched like a torpedo.

If you we cooking chilli chopping fingers in the eye would be my choice,though only as a follow up and f I still had the knife in my hand.
Leeks and cucumbers(unstarted)are good for dueling.
If so needed to defend my self in the kitchen the I have better things than veg and after a greengrocery shop I would us the full shopping bag.

Chilli on the eye or genitals

I think pp are on the money with a swede.

With bits hollowed out so you can hold it like a bowling ball. Could do some serious damage.

Or a fennel. Hold it by the frondy bits and swing it about like a morning star. With the added bonus of stinking like a medicine cabinet.

A well aimed coconut, straight between the eyes and nose

Marrow. My late grandfather neutralised two attacking alsatians with vegetable marrows. True fact. So - tried and tested.

Also, I’m a woman and they seem to me to be the right balance of weight and wield. I suppose men could just get bigger marrows if they liked.

A fast pitched turnip would definitely take someone out.

@PickAChew..A chilli to the willy..I like your style .
I was also going for turnip/cabbage in a pillowcase type scenario.
Or beetroot..commit the murder then confuse the crime scene.
Parsnip in the ear.
Suffocation via mashed potato - are we allowed to cook the weapon?

But I see it's self defence, scratch that, sorry!

A bunch of carrots - complete with leaves. Hold the leaves and swing around.