Does this count as cheating?

[Grigio3000]

I’ll keep this short as I can. OH likes rumba dancing. No problem with that. Not my thing. So I don’t go. Then. Radar started pinging. And I found out that she has had a bit of a crush on some guy. He likes her too apparently. Common interests and all that. But she swears that’s all it is. Nothing has happened. They know the situation and the rules. So it’s a No go. They’ve had a couple of dances, as you do there. And she’s now trying to avoid him. Still goes, mind.
I’m getting myself in a mess over nothing apparently, she says. But I know she has been thinking about him a lot. We’ve reconciled (sort of) but I’m uneasy about the whole thing and it has made me question everything.
I don’t want to say don’t go anymore and be a controlling partner but if the situation was reversed I wouldn’t see that as unreasonable if it saved our marriage. Am I being overly dramatic? We all fancy people from time to time, right? We’re only human. But it’s acting upon it that counts. What to do?

you or the dance classes.... simple

then start to work on why the hell she's fallen for someone else!

This is a bit late and currently irrelevant as partner dance is all cancelled due to lockdown and will likely be one of the last things to resume but could you compromise by trying a different kind of partner dance together?

I teach Lindy Hop (1930s’40s swing dancing) and it’s a massive world wide community with classes in most areas. The music is good and it’s more fun than sexy (teacher demo from a festival event):

My classes/socials are pretty evenly split male female and range from 18-70 odd (and occasionally 80 plus). Music is all tempos and beginners are truly beginners.

Spending time together will help your relationship and make you feel less left out. She can still go Rhumba, but I bet it won’t be long before she would pick dancing with you (any dance) over dancing with anyone else...

I suppose the lockdown has solved this problem!

@Grigio3000 firstly its not cheating as they havnt acted on it... However its very hurtful still.

There is some sort of closeness there (and you dont have to go inot the details if its uncomfy for you ) But they have spent time and talked enough for her to know they share interests, and for her to know that he also likes her as well as her liking him (crush or not she is opening herself up to a situation )
I dont know if it came out in a argument that she told you , someone else told you or she told you . But it is certainly an issue you would need to discus.. Maybe you just need to explain to her that your away you havnt acted on it, but in a calm manner explain how it makes you feel and how it plays on your mind. If you both can sit and talk it over without getting emotional or an argument it might help (easier said then done i know )

Maybe there is another interest that you could look in and do together ?(im not be any means saying your not being attentive enough here at all, )

Also I think avoiding him is a good step but its still unfair to you. Is there an earlier or later class? Maybe a different day? That way she can still do what she enjoys but she is being respectful of your feeling too?