What is the funniest thing your child has said?

[Daddster]

For me, the time 2yo DD1 looked at me lovingly and said "Daddy is big and fat!" or told my DW "come here you naughty girl"

Where are you Daddster - tis very late! I'm rarely up at this time tbh and I can't think of anything to say! [brain dead]

When ds1 (5) discovered that babies come from their mummies tummies he asked in a shocked/horrified tone "so mamma did you eat me?"

Most recent funny thing ds2 (3) said was when I was explaining the solar system to them. I told them that Mercury was very hot - being so close to the sun, and Pluto very cold, but Earth is just right, not too hot and not too cold (will get to global warming later). Ds2 pipes up "but it's very hot in the car sometimes".

'so, why don't rabbits wear crash helmets?'

answer:

Because there isn't anywhere to put their ears.

It worked.

Apparently i am the boss because i have a big belly pmsl! said by my 3.6yo dd.

When my dh had a severe case of man flu and was seeking sympathy, I on the other hand was trying to coax him into going shopping and failing...

I asked dh do you want to go and see a stripper (on going joke - dont think he actually frequents strip clubs lol)

Husband sulkily said no.

DS (16 months) piped up 'yes'.

Followed by hysteria from us, and realisation that its time to stop conversations like that in front of a little boy with ever growing vocab!

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DS1 - on seeing ducks upturned in the pond, dabbling for food:

"Mummy! Where are the ducks' faces?!"

Or possibly, during a conversation about whether he preferred fruit or veg.

DS1 "I prefer vegetables and DS2 prefers fruit."

Me "What about Daddy? What's his favourite?"

DS1 "Jam!"

(Hijack - Oops, will text you and we will do supping of one drink soon )

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When getting off the bus in the village, ds shouting at the top of his voice "bye bye little old ladies" - there was nowhere to hide!

When reading a book recently there was a line in it that said "Next they all did gym". I had read this to ds and dd about 10 times when dd finally asked "Who is Jim and what did they do to him" - I can only imagine what she actually thought the story was about.

When ds (then about 3.10) dropped something on the bus, a very nice man picked it up for him and said "Don't worry, it was just and accident". DS looked back and said very seriously "No, it was gravity".

when ds, then 3yo picked up my very pointy high heels and said 'Mummy, are these shoes for people with only one toe?'

This isn't really funny, just strange:
We had the genatalia conversation what women have instead of willies and on hearing of vaginas for the first time my son then about 2yo asked very seriously 'Do they hurt bad people? Do they cut you?'
I promise I had never threatened him with castration, or read Freud aloud to him. So it was well spooky when he came up with this Freudian cliche.

ds saw one of those giant chess sets in a park the other day and said "look, look, lots of funny donkeys"
(about the horse -or is it knight- pieces, you know what I mean anyway!)

When DT1 was 2.5yo, he came running up to me with a tampon in his hand and shouted "Lollipop".

When Nirvana were singing 'Come as you are', lyrics include "and I swear I don't have a gun, no I don't have a gun" dd pipes up "he's lying isn't he mummy? He does have a gun because he shot himself with it."

DS1 (3.3) - "Daddy, DS2's willy is smaller than mine isn't it?"
DH - "yes, that's because he's a baby and you're a big boy"
DS1 - pauses - "Daddy, your willy is VERY VERY big isn't it. Because you are a big man, aren't you?"
DH - "that's right son"

at Rhubarb's grunge-history-aware DD!

me "i'm just going for a wee darling"
ds (2.5) "but you can't mum"
me "why"
ds "you haven't got a willy for it to come out of"
me "girl's wee comes out of a whole insteaed"
i sit on the loo
ds stares between my legs transfixed by the sight of wee appearing without a willy

other one
ds lifts up his willy and points to gonads "look mummy, i've got a bosom"

meant hole not whole obviously

I recall a time when a chap was changing with his c.3yo DD in the men's changing room at our local pool.

DD: [in a sing-songy voice] You've got a willy and I-I haven't!
DF: Yes, thank you darling, I think we know that. [pause] You're definitely getting changed with mummy next time...

I had to turn around and hold the towel over my face to stifle the laugh.

Yes, well, in that vein, DS1, very loudly in the changing cubicle at swim pool with DH - ' Daddy, you have a very big willy' cue, amused stares as DH emerged - people still mention it from time-to time...

Ds and I were once in a cubicle, ma-hoosive queue outside. Cue ds: 'Ooh, well DONE Mummy, that's a lovely poo'. Walked out to chuckles, giggles and grins.

On a cleaner note, ds is just learning to read. Read a sign outside a shop yesterday and when I said 'clever boy' he responded very seriously: 'My head is full of words, mummy'.

ds2 - just turned 3 - think very happy voice, contented look/smile
when we got to the beach house last week

ahhhhhhh, my f it f it bed

hmmmm now where's dh

similar one to edam

also in a cubicle with ds
ds- 'are you doing a caca?'
me- 'no, hush, no'
ds- 'YES, you ARE. I can see it coming out of your bum'
me - 'shhhh shhh no, I'm not'
ds- 'it's really STINKY! Poo-ey! You did a caca, you did a caca! [in singsongy voice]'

there were people outside listening. need I say more.

When we had visitors for a picnic last weekend, DD came back from the toilet and announced to all our guests "I did a poo-poo in the potty but mummy only did a wee-wee" clearly in anticipation of the praise usually normally showered upon her after a normal report on this kind.