If women are so difficult to live with, WHY do men turn to other women rather than TALK to their wives/partners?

[TimeForMe]

A few of us 'ladies' would welcome a male perspective on this.

Why do men have affairs rather than talk to their partners and sort things out at home.
What makes the Other Woman more appealing than the relationship at home?

Are you brave enough to tell us

You could ask exactly the same of women who have affairs and cheat on their husband and family couldn't you? I bet the reasons would be similar.

Well men don't have affairs to 'talk' to the other woman do they...!!

Errrrm....
I had to read this title a couple of times to be sure I understood what it was asking.

I think if people are having problems they sometimes will "talk". Often they don't want to, though, or they aren't particularly having problems - that they acknowledge, anyway. They just fancy a bit on the side.

Hope that answers the question. I don't pretend to be an expert...

I am generalising but
I think most of the cheating by men
is more to do with opportunism.

If the guy is an opportunist
and the opportunity presents itself
he is likely to go for it.

To generalise even more:
Men cheat for fun regardless of the relationship;
women cheat when they're unhappy with the relationship.

I am generalising but
I think most of the cheating by men
is more to do with opportunism.

If the guy is an opportunist
and the opportunity presents itself
he is likely to go for it.

To generalise even more:
Men cheat for fun regardless of the relationship;
women cheat when they're unhappy with the relationship.

But DaddyJ if the relationship goes on for longer than six months say, then it is not opportunism anymore is it?

BGD, is there another thread that this one
has been inspired by?
Just so that I know what everyone is actually
talking about

You know, it can be. Even 6/12/18 months
of just no-strings sex - as far as the
opportunist is concerned.

I had not thought of that DaddyJ. Just thought it was a mini rant really.

Men don't talk to other men, it's virtually unheard of. Women are easier to talk to, attachments form and it can progress.

You mean the original OP -
or my mega double post?
Latter was late night blunder.

HD, you speak from experience, I think?
Saw you on another thread.

Although would that be cheating
or simply the end of one relationship
and the beginning of another?

"attachments form and it can progress", it all sounds a bit passive HD. Is it something that "just happens" while you are looking the other way, like a power cut or a change in the weather? Is a man not in control of his actions?

IMO an affair isn't something that happens to you. It's something you do.

DaddyJ, I think I agree.
And I wanted to add
That your posts sound even better
By being presented
In the form of poetry!

Not cheating. DW was a friend and someone I could talk to, while exDW and I were falling apart. Ex not interested in what i thought / felt.

A year after I split from ex, DW and I started seeing each other.

Greensleeves, I do agree to an extent.

Sometimes feelings creep up on people. Obviously the shagging someone other than their DW is an active thing and not a passive thing.

Speaking from (old, old, old, no longer relevant, previous life, once only, never repeated) experience, you can easily start something based on drunken opportunism that becomes a bit of an obsession - you just get caught up in the freshness, excitement and risk of it.

It's not about emotional attachment - it's about sex, horniness and fantasy fulfilment.

And selfishness, short-sightedness, live-for-the-moment self destructive behaviour and general impulsive idiocy.

Sorry, HD, the moment I posted
I realised I might have overstepped
the mark - of course, you did not cheat.

I do think your experience comes closest
to what the OP is after, though.

Greensleeves, the attachments can form comment was really about why men talk to other women, not affairs as such.

I agree that feelings can creep up on you, but as an adult in a committed relationship the onus is on you to control your feelings and yourself. I get fed up with this "I'm a man, I can't help myself" crap.

Not aimed at you in particular, just a general observation!

DaddyJ, no worries. I always get asked, did you start seeing dw while still with ex?

"I'm a man, i can't help myself" is utter bullshit. "I'm selfish, I'll fucking do it" is closer to the mark.

"I'll do it because I can" even. Analysing the feelings behind it is often redundant.

Precisely UQD, and it's a fucking insult to the majority of men (and women) who do make decent adult choices and control themselves.

A bit like the pernicious assumption that "ALL men like looking at plasticky orange women with comedy breasts, and if yours says he doesn't he's a liar and you're a fool". Hogwash.

Yes, I agree with the latest posts
and with what TheHN said.

The male cheating experience is
rarely morally excusable.
As in 'my wife didn't understand me' etc

UQD, praise from a professional wordsmith
is high praise, indeed.
Shame it does not rhyme, though!

Oh, I agree with that, GS!

One of my DW's fashion mags has a series of adverts that involves un-touched-up photos of women and they look absolutely gorgeous. Freckles and the occasional wrinkle and everything.

I think we've become so used to seeing these ludicrous images that it's turned full circle - a real woman now looks more healthy than the plastic variety! Odd.