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Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

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Original poster

sensitive subject but need a man's opinion

30 replies

nappyaddict · 05/06/2007 13:17

was going to nc for this but really can't be bothered!

so anyway here goes ....

i have a new bloke and it is really getting down about not being able to make me ahem well you know cos of him coming too soon.

i have told him that a few men haven't been able to make me through penetration and it is me not him but then he says yes but i bet they gave it a much better go than me and lasted longer. and yes i admitted they did but still it wasn't his fault.

how can i make him feel better over this. it doesn't bother me. imo its not all about the big O, i just enjoy the act itself but he doesn't see it like that. thinks if i'm not going to get anything from it it's a big waste of time. he doesn't seem to get that i do get a lot from it anyway.

i have tried taking control to show him what i like but then when i just get into it he goes and ruins it all by doing his own thing.

sorry this is so long!

and for any future encounters we may have.

OP posts:

EricL · 05/06/2007 13:36

That's a shame - i hope you work it out and end up being happy. I'll be as honest as i can now and hope i don't make the situation worse!!

There are a few times when i know it is probably going to be over too soon (cos the missus is so damn sexy and works me up a lot beforehand with all the non-physical foreplay) - some of these moments are ok to jump right in cos i know she is feeling the same too - and that's fine of course.

But it is through experience that you learn to realise the times where she is maybe not as turned on as you are and this is what foreplay is for. I can spend a lot of time 'playing about' with lots of things to make sure she has had her fun as well.

It's just a matter of reading the signs and changing your tactics to suit.

However - there are also times when you can be selfish too - as long as it is not too often. I'm sure everyone enjoys the fact that sometimes you just want to leap on someone and have your way without a seconds thought. It's when this becomes the norm that the worries start - then it must be difficult to get out of without someone getting upset.

I guess it will take a lot of talking and playing about in a fun and loving way for you to get past this. There a a hell of a lot of toys/foreplay techniques/postions that are out there to be tried and tested. If he sees you responding positively and having fun i'm sure he will enjoy seeing you have pleasure too.

EricL · 05/06/2007 13:37

(Christ Almighty!.... i sound like a fuggin counsellor......hmmmmmm.......)

foxinsocks · 05/06/2007 13:40

there is a condom (a durex one - don't know the name, can look it up though) that helps prolong the experience so to speak.

Have no idea if it works. Gleamed this knowledge from reading all the packets while waiting in Boots the other day.

lou33 · 05/06/2007 13:44

you can buy creams that are supposed to delay him because it numbs him

or get some viagra?

RumpiPumpy · 05/06/2007 13:44

Orgasm through penetration is difficult for lots of couple to achieve and they rely on manual stimulation.

This is no-ones fault, its just the way it is.

Tell your bloke to stop beating himself up over it.

lou33 · 05/06/2007 13:46

i thnk its something like 60% of women unable to orgasm without manual stimulation

LynetteScavo · 05/06/2007 13:47

Couldn't you just fake?

Why do I get the feeling I'll be screamed at for this?

lou33 · 05/06/2007 13:53

lol!

screamed at with loads of women practising faking it now

EricL · 05/06/2007 14:37

I'm gonna put on my 'counsellor' hat again and say that faking it or using creams to numb certain parts is not really going to solve that problem is it?

That's just a short term solution and is not tackling the problem at it's root cause.

I agree using creams will help but the foreplay/arousal issue still needs sorting.

LynetteScavo · 05/06/2007 15:55

Nappy addict has said it's not about the big O, it's about convincing her bloke that she is happy. Maybe she needs some ideas on how to get though to her bloke that she's happy enough atm.

LynetteScavo · 05/06/2007 21:06

bump

LynetteScavo · 05/06/2007 21:06

bump

lucyellensmum · 05/06/2007 22:21

get a rampant rabbit, let him use it on you - oh boy! foreplay foreplay foreplay! i dont think i have ever, um, you know, without a bit of help but we experiment ALOT and despite everything (bad patch) our sex life is fantastic.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 06/06/2007 00:22

lynette is right. it isn't about the big o for me cos i know that it is diffucult for me to acheive and he can do it through other ways.

its just cos he gets there before i do he thinks he isn't lasting very long which isn't the case at all really its just i take so bloody god damn long to do everything including this!

i just somehow need to convince him of that!!

thing is i wouldn't be very good at faking cos even when i do im not exactly all screaming, shouting and dancing about it. i'm pretty quiet. i have made a few moans, deep breaths etc but thats as far as ive gone with the faking thing. and i can't help thinking that won't change things.

i think our main problem is he needs to know that sometimes he can't just do his own thing to get what he wants esp if it is making him feel rubbish afterwards. and that maybe we need less teasing from me.i will admit i am a big tease, i love it when people do it to me, cos it is one thing that when we finally do do anything i really can't wait any longer, but this probably isn't going to work for him. his words were "stop fucking doing that i will explode" sorry if tmi but you get the picture.

again sorry for my essay.

OP posts:

Jenkeywoo · 06/06/2007 00:30

this will sound a bit lame but when I first met my dH he used to find it all a bit exciting and used to have to think of trash to stop himself getting over excited - he used to imagine all the rubbish in the wheelie bins! totally mental and he only admitted to this years later.not sure how you'd go about suggesting this method to your bloke though!

Original poster

nappyaddict · 06/06/2007 00:51

hmmmm me either

i would much rather he think of me anyway not rubbish. but then i guess i cant have my cake and eat it too.

OP posts:

DrDaddy · 06/06/2007 14:52

I've only just come across this thread (no pun intended). Ok, let's get down to brass tacks: I presume he doesn't have a problem with PE? I mean, he can stop himself when you're teasing etc. can't he? Otherwise, he should focus on helping you to build up. I'm sure I don't need to get too graphic for you to understand my meaning. Once you're both at a similarly heightened state of arousal, then you may well be able to achieve orgasm through penetration. In my experience, orgasm through penetration isn't that common, except when a woman is already highly aroused.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 06/06/2007 15:25

yes he can stop himself then. but the problem is when we are both really aroused and we go for it cos he is so worked up and it always takes me a bit longer that he comes before me.

maybe i need to be more turned on before we try penetratrion.

OP posts:

DaddyJ · 06/06/2007 17:52

What about a change of position?

If you go on top he won't be able to 'do his own thing', non?

DaddyJ · 06/06/2007 18:43

Thought of another trick:
Give him a blow job beforehand.

Good luck and have fun trying out some of our interesting suggestions!

DrDaddy · 06/06/2007 19:45

Yeah DJ, you read my mind, I was about to suggest "cowgirl". Means you will be able to control him more....

Original poster

nappyaddict · 06/06/2007 21:52

have tried "cowgirl" but it doesnt really do it for me. blow job seems like an obvious one but i have never let him come from one cos i thought it would mean he wouldn't be able to get it back up after or is that a myth. god i'm showing my inexperience here lol!

OP posts:

DaddyJ · 06/06/2007 22:49

Of course, it depends on the guy but the theory goes that
if the chap is overexcited the first orgasm helps take the edge off him.
Then he can build up nice and slowly.

The other version is to encourage him to masturbate more but that's more of a lonely solution!

Best thing is just to experiment, fool around, enjoy the intimacy.
The more you focus on this, the more it becomes an issue.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 06/06/2007 23:03

thanks for your advice

seems it may not be an issue anyway as we are having other problems at the moment and i am not sure it will as long lasting as i had hoped

OP posts:

EricL · 07/06/2007 10:34

I know i went a bit detailed into it for which i apologise if you think i was missing the point - but what i was trying to say is that it would be much nicer for both of you if you could work it out so you get the same amount of physical pleasure out of it.

I hope it goes OK for you anyway. Im sure it will be fun either way!

I suppose i'm just looking at it from my point of view - everyone is different and has different expectations.

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