Is the CSA legislation wrong?

[erasurefan]

Hi Guys,

First time poster here. I just had to get something off my chest before I go insane.

Until a week ago, since 2008 (when the ex moved her and my kid to Glasgow, 300 miles away) I'd been paying £25 a week for my child to my ex. This was based on the CSA calculator, by us both sitting down and calculating it based on the fact my child would stay with 3-4 nights a week if my ex stayed living just around the corner from me, so making the respective reduction in the actual payment. We wrote up a little letter and both signed it, to this agreement.

Aside from the child maintenance, since 2008, I've also been putting £40 a month (as have my parents - so £80 a month in all) into a bank account (which my and my parents set up) for said child to spend on whatever she likes - I have no idea where this money goes or what its spent on - I've never asked.

I've also contributed £100 every year towards school trips, and £50 a year for school uniforms, without any questions..

So... All in all my daughter gets money to her mum, and money to herself.

Last week, things took a twist and shes approached the CSA, who've said that around £44ish a week is more realistic and told me that is what I have to pay going forwards. Now, considering I actually earn about £2k a year less than when we were together, I found that as a bit of a stab in the chest in the steep (IMO) rise.

I've spoke to CSA for hours over the last few days and asked how this is a fair assessment considering I live so far away. The only reduction they can make are for my travelling expenses (roughly £200 each journey, four times a year), and for the fact I have her 52 days a year.

However - My ex has told the CSA that I dont have her 52 days a year - So, they've just gone with that, due to their "legislation" which favours the mother in every scenario, and theyve refused that particular reduction.

I try to organise to have my child every school holiday, but, as the years have gone by, my ex is making this increasingly difficult to arrange. She leaves everything to the last minute (and now my child does the same!) so my current partner and I have to either pay a fortune for any kind of holiday for us all, or cant get the time off work, anyway and have to only see her for a couple of days.

So, my question, I guess, is, do you think the CSA regulation of going with whatever the mum says is right....?

Because, the situation I'm in at the moment is my ex will do everything in her power to make sure I don't get to have my child more than 52 days a year, which is kind of, IMO, denying access... Safe in the knowledge that she will actually get paid MORE money from me for the "privilege".

I've been on the phone to the CSA for two hours this morning, and all they can suggest (even though they sympathise with me greatly) is that if I dont agree with their regulation to write a letter to my MP to try to get the regulation amended. Yeah, right.

It's heartbreaking to know I keep getting a raw deal - I cant talk about it without having tears in my eyes - I do all the travelling, pay all this money, and have the nightmare of logistics four times a year and a very, very awkward ex, and I'm the bad guy.

I just wondered if there were any Dad's out there in a similar situation that could lend an ear, as, at the moment - although my girlfriend as been absolutely amazing and a rock for me - it still feels like no-one is this same situation, and it feels....well, lonely, I guess.

The point is £44 is the legal minimum . At 13 pretty pointless going to court unless it is something your Dd wants . I find it surprising for someone who seems upset at losing a few £’s a week that your income has gone down 2 grand in 9 years. Kids do get much more expensive as they grow . I have wrote £90 in cheques this week for my Ds . No kids size meals . Clothes cost more . Everything costs more

Jesus... I thought my situation was bad, Windsor... Although I do feel just as frustrated with my ex putting 0 KNOWING I travel over 1000 miles just to spend a week or so with my child.

I really feel for you with the holiday situation too...Its digusting. I've lost loads of money on holidays over the years with my child's mum messing me about over dates.... in fact, she just knows now if she twats about with times and dates long enough, we have to either cancel the holiday, pay a fortune for it or go without my child....

All (more) things that work in my ex's favour!

I think it's all about trying to be fair on all sides. But in reality that fairness doesn't always come from either side. In my world I have been in both possitions.

I have been where the poster is where my took the kids away from me some distance away. Missing them like mad, angry because the option of joint parenting has been taken away from me because of the distantance, paying hand over fist not know if my money was going to the kids or her boyfriend (and his drug addiction). I must admit really resenting having to be the one who did all the travel (and travel costs) when she was the one who cheated on me, chose to leave the family home and take the kids away from me and their home. It was her selfish choices and yet I am having to do and pay for all the travel on top of the extra cost of going from funding one household to effectively paying for two households.

On the other hand 2 months later being the single parent with a 6 month old boy and a 4 year old girl. Kids cost a lot of money. But I try to be fair. She is now skint because she no longer has the kids or the money for the kids and a boyfriend who smokes anything she makes. I earn good money so I ask for no money or CSA of her. I know it's hard on low income and I don't need the money of her so seems harsh to demand money from her. Also I try to stay flexible and to facilitate them seeing her (sometimes at my own cost). She is still their mum and I want them to get time with them. I try my best to be fair to my ex and the kids. But granted if I was harder up I would want child maintenance off my ex.

So it up sets me that one parent can just take kids always just like that. It is a bitter pill. Kids are a joint enterprise so it's shit that one parent can suddenly hold all the cards, move the kids away and the other just has jump, pay and obay orders.

Bit the kids cost money. It's and unfair situation but at the end of the days the kids shouldn't miss out financially.

We’re lucky, things have improved for us due to some changes in the ex’s Home life so things may perk up for you too

There are lots of people in your situation, op, you’re not alone. You have to think about why she felt the need to move so far away from you, though.

Why don’t you trust her to make decisions? Why have you allowed someone you don’t trust to raise your child for the past 9 years? Why haven’t you fought to hell and back to have custody yourself?

It seems like you are full of resentment about the very few things you do for your so-muxh-loved child, and you haven’t really tried very hard to get her back.

And you should be ashamed at only paying 25 quid a week for so long. Surely every time you got a pay rise you thought “oh good, now I can send ex a little more”. As each year passed, didn’t you think “everything has gone up in price, I’d better send ex a bit more”. No, I know you didn’t.

Why on earth have you not been to the Family Court to get proper contact arrangements organised, OP?? These can be drawn up.to deal with the travel element etc.

How much are you earning per month OP?