Hi Guys,
First time poster here. I just had to get something off my chest before I go insane.
Until a week ago, since 2008 (when the ex moved her and my kid to Glasgow, 300 miles away) I'd been paying £25 a week for my child to my ex. This was based on the CSA calculator, by us both sitting down and calculating it based on the fact my child would stay with 3-4 nights a week if my ex stayed living just around the corner from me, so making the respective reduction in the actual payment. We wrote up a little letter and both signed it, to this agreement.
Aside from the child maintenance, since 2008, I've also been putting £40 a month (as have my parents - so £80 a month in all) into a bank account (which my and my parents set up) for said child to spend on whatever she likes - I have no idea where this money goes or what its spent on - I've never asked.
I've also contributed £100 every year towards school trips, and £50 a year for school uniforms, without any questions..
So... All in all my daughter gets money to her mum, and money to herself.
Last week, things took a twist and shes approached the CSA, who've said that around £44ish a week is more realistic and told me that is what I have to pay going forwards. Now, considering I actually earn about £2k a year less than when we were together, I found that as a bit of a stab in the chest in the steep (IMO) rise.
I've spoke to CSA for hours over the last few days and asked how this is a fair assessment considering I live so far away. The only reduction they can make are for my travelling expenses (roughly £200 each journey, four times a year), and for the fact I have her 52 days a year.
However - My ex has told the CSA that I dont have her 52 days a year - So, they've just gone with that, due to their "legislation" which favours the mother in every scenario, and theyve refused that particular reduction.
I try to organise to have my child every school holiday, but, as the years have gone by, my ex is making this increasingly difficult to arrange. She leaves everything to the last minute (and now my child does the same!) so my current partner and I have to either pay a fortune for any kind of holiday for us all, or cant get the time off work, anyway and have to only see her for a couple of days.
So, my question, I guess, is, do you think the CSA regulation of going with whatever the mum says is right....?
Because, the situation I'm in at the moment is my ex will do everything in her power to make sure I don't get to have my child more than 52 days a year, which is kind of, IMO, denying access... Safe in the knowledge that she will actually get paid MORE money from me for the "privilege".
I've been on the phone to the CSA for two hours this morning, and all they can suggest (even though they sympathise with me greatly) is that if I dont agree with their regulation to write a letter to my MP to try to get the regulation amended. Yeah, right.
It's heartbreaking to know I keep getting a raw deal - I cant talk about it without having tears in my eyes - I do all the travelling, pay all this money, and have the nightmare of logistics four times a year and a very, very awkward ex, and I'm the bad guy.
I just wondered if there were any Dad's out there in a similar situation that could lend an ear, as, at the moment - although my girlfriend as been absolutely amazing and a rock for me - it still feels like no-one is this same situation, and it feels....well, lonely, I guess.