Very upset at girl instead of boy.. please help me see sense

[Dad2be111]

First pregnancy and we just found today it's going to be a girl. I'm so blessed that she's going to be healthy and that is amazing news. We're also so lucky to be having a child. I'm sensitive to the fact that so many people want healthy children but can't have them. For this I'm truly humbled and thankful and embarrassed to be making this post. BUT for some reason (and TOTALLY a surprise to me) I was (and still am) hit very hard emotionally that it's going to be a girl.

It breaks my heart that I feel like this - I really don't want to! - and that it's upsetting my poor lovely wife (understandable the stupid way I'm reacting) but I really can't help it; it's like a torrent of utter sadness that is drowning me. The exciting spark of the pregnancy for me has gone. I've zero interest in the scan pics, in getting the room ready, in anything at all> so different to what I've been like so far :(

Trying to unpick why it is I feel like this I can only think that it's because as a boy I suppose I just imagine a little me or any child related to me to be a boy. Rationally of course I always knew it'd be 49:51 but deep down I think this didn't register. I was hoping he'd play rugby for my country or football for my town (silly I know). Perhaps as I was several years older than my brother and really miss playing with him as a baby/child and teaching him the ropes of growing up I thought I could do the same. Or perhaps as I went to a boys' school and then at uni dated girls who inevitably broke my heart sequentially so I can't relate to girls (don't have a sister). I relate very well to males indeed but not women (although I love my wife and mum - no other women though). I just don't know what it is but I always imagined having a boy and NOT having a boy is a kick in the teeth. But furthermore having a little female human who I just don't understand is so disappointing. Plus the fear that a boy's life will be easy but if a girl isn't good looking in this society life is so much harder. (I'm not a looker myself so can't guarantee she will be). But I may of course be wrong with this.

My wife tells me I can still play footy with her but it's not the same - that just makes it so much worse for me. The last thing I'd want is to force boyhood on the poor girl just because I wanted a boy. Of course I won't restrict what she does but I don't want to be forcing things onto the poor little cutie.

It's really crushing me and I hope I'll change but I'm hoping someone can say something to make me feel better please :( I hate that this is upsetting my lovely wife and she can see it no matter how hard I try to hide it :(

as soon as you hold your child you'll forget all about their gender and love them regardless

You will adore her as soon as she's here and you'll wonder how you could ever have thought she'd be anyone else.

I too had wishes for the gender of my child though, in my case, I wasn't disappointed.

My experience of little girls is that they absolutely adore their dads. As someone said above, you will think your dd is the beautiful child that ever existed, but if she is really more ordinary looking, all the better. Beautiful women can have a hard time not being appreciated for anything other than their looks, whereas us more ordinary women are appreciated for our souls

My brother has 2 daughters. Both total daddy's girls and boy does he love it. One is a pink sparkly girl the other is spotty and is a keen supporter of 'his' football team. She has the scarf strip and loves going to matches with him

You'll adore her when she arrives whether she's pink and sparkly or a wee sporty tom.boy or anything in between

(Oops sorry I didn't get more notifications of new messages hence the lateness)

Just wanted to say thanks again you lovely wonderful people for well said words. Very helpful for me :)

As soon as you meet her, you'll fall in love with her and wonder what madness you were thinking!

Dad2Be111 I thought of you as my DD was watching ' The Railway Children' on DVD (old film with Jenny Agutter). You know the scene at the end when the dad comes home and Jenny A runs up shouting 'Daddy, my Daddy'? This is our house.....every night about 7pm!! It will be yours too. It's the way of the world with little girls and their daddies!

My wife wanted a boy. I told myself I wasn't fussed just wanted a healthy sprog, but deep down, wanted a girl. At our scan (s)he was not cooperating, so we couldn't tell for sure - although I had an idea we were having a girl.
My daughter is now nearly nine - DW loves her for who she is, and wouldn't change her.
As for gender roles, DD is Disney Princess/movies one moment, Marvel movies and karate the next. I'll get the most fantastic hugs, hand-holding and daddy-daughter stuff, watch Avengers or Guardians of the Galaxy, and hold pads for her in the dojo all in the same day.
You will adore your daughter for the little individual bit of you, your wife, and she, that she'll grow into.

UPDATE AT JUST OVER TWO YEARS OLD

Just in case anyone is reading this in the future after a google search trying to grapple with their emotions, and also to update all you wonderful folk.

She was born healthy and I felt such incredible love for this little thing I honestly didn't know what love meant till I had her on my lap 5mins after she was born and she opened her eyes and gazed into mine for the first time.

Since then I've been smitten. Looking back at the post I honestly don't know how or why I felt like that at the time. It seems so surreal.

In fact, we've just had number two, and when I found it was going to be a boy my heart sunk - I had gender disappointment again! My daughter was so amazing all I wanted was another girl! I never expected that either.

Lastly, for me it has been an important lesson. I never understood (or trusted) women before (except my mum and wife) and so the last two years has helped me see things in a completely different light. I needed this.

So in summary, to anyone who's feeling like I did a couple of years ago - DON'T WORRY AT ALL. Everything people have said about getting over it instantly is 100% true. I'd have never believed it but it is. And perhaps things happen for a reason.

Finally my thoughts and prayers, as ever, are with those who are trying.

What a lovely update op, congratulations you sound like a great dad.

Thank you for the lovely update

I have a DD. She likes likes gaming, SCI-FI animae and things like comicon. She is basically a female version of my H. Nothing like me at all!!!

Its lovely that you and your wife are having a new baby. I know a lot of men,who would have wished for a son as their first born, as in a mini me type of thing.But you have only got to wait for your daughter to be born,and that will be it,you will fall in love with her, and then you can maybe have a son next time round, !!

Sorry, you are wierd, girls are fantastic there is Nothing and I mean Nothing like the love you get from a daughter. She's yours for Christ's sake, male or female doesnt matter a jot - you should count yourself lucky she's healthy. How do you think your wife feels if you are so self indulgently selfish? You seriously need to grow a pair and realise that you have the best present the two of you can generate together. My Daughters a PhD and absolutely wonderful - never had anything but care and love from her. As for your emotions - get over it you arent hormonal - or are you ?

I promise you that when she comes, you will love her more than you had thought it possible to love anything. I do get where you are coming from, when my wife was pregnant with our second baby, I had myself convinced it would be a boy and I was a tiny bit bummed that it turned out to be a girl at the sexing scan, but it turns out new kid was a girl shaped mini me anyways lol.

Honestly mate, you are being a knob. I always imagined having boys but I have two girls and couldn't be happier tbh, I am certain you will feel the same.

My youngest girl likes to playfight and climb stuff, my eldest girl is learning to play the guitar like me and has a wicked dark sense of humour.

Be patient and it will be magic :)

I have 3 DD (I thought the third would be a boy, I had a son but he passed away aged 4 - born prem with some complications), as has been mentioned by other posters, I am happy they are all healthy - my oldest (10) is a very smart girl - even helped me pick a used SUV for the family (even though the car went on to have more suspension problems than Southern Rail and I had to chop it in for something else 6 months later)

We have Daddy - Daughter days and pop to shops (Westfield, etc) and even go for rides in the car or catch movies (latest will be Ralph Breaks The Internet when it's out) - Love the child for who they are not fixed expectations, and as the little one grows, look forward to her every milestone

Maybe you should think of it in the way you love your wife - she is a female, you can't play footy with her (I suppose you could but you probably don't) and I'm sure what made you decide to marry her is her feminine qualities (otherwise you may have proposed to a man). Also, just because it's a DD doesn't mean you can't have more children in the future who could turn out to be boys.

In this generation, gender boundaries are much blurrier which is great in a way.. women's football is becoming more popular, women have careers (the head of the royal family and the prime minister are both females), women don't just wear dresses/skirts, even seen plenty of female bus drivers, etc.

What a lovely update OP - reading it really brightened my night!

I had a similar experience when i found out DC2 was a boy. I'd dreamed of having another girl and was taken aback by just how gutted i felt at the ultrasound. Never have the words 'there's his little willy' rendered me quite so disappointed...! Two and a bit years later though, i feel like a complete fool - my son is the most wonderful little creature, and we've built up such a special mummy/son bond. Anyway OP, hope all is going well with number 2