Broke up with my wife (access to my 3 kids)

[Daddcares]

Ok so broke up from my wife Not going into too much detail except was few months ago i have a new partner and my wife point blank refuses for me to see the kids 5 year old twins boy /girl and 2 year old boy , unless she (wife) is with me

so im not allowed to take them to the park few min walk from their house or take them for a meal basically anything unless she's with us.

the reason given is she thinks i'm going to take them to meet my new partner (im not and have no intention to do so at the moment)

she wont answer the phone to allow me to speak tot the kids etc

yes im paying maintenance
no never been physical with either the kids or my wife
yes what i have done in ending the marriage is wrong but im genuinely upset every day about missing my kids and lack of contact


any experience /advise please help

[maybebabybee]

Children don't always need their father. I needed mine like I needed a hole in the head. He left my mother for her best friend when I was twelve. Goodbye and good riddance!

[SolidGoldBrass]

What, actually, is so terrible about seeing your kids in your XW's presence for the time being? She's not forbidding you to see them. She's saying she wants to be there when you do. Unless she has distressed the children by shouting at you or crying throughout these contact sessions, it's not that unreasonable (and not uncommon when children are really small/breastfed/have additional needs) for the other parent to be nearby, at least.
It can be tapered off over time but right now it wouldn't kill you to cut your wife some slack.

[wafflyversatile]

But one parent has clearly failed to do this over an extended period, so it's understandable the other parent feels they are not trustworthy where the children are concerned.

Nonsense. Women have exit affairs too and when they do no one says well she's shown herself as untrustworthy with the children so she'll just have to put up with only seeing the kids with the dad supervising as he understandably needs proof that she can be trusted after she hurt him so badly.

[coffeeisnectar]

Oh fgs. Lots of relationships break down, many women throw out the husband or take the kids and leave and then the dad has to fight to see their kids even if they've done no wrong. Plenty of women move on and then restrict contact because they've got a new bloke ....It's not fair on the kids in any of these scenarios.

So slating the op for his affair is pointless. He didn't cheat on his children. Yes the wife is hurting but the kids are too and not being able to see their dad must be confusing. Only seeing dad with mum gives the wrong impression and is controlling behaviour by the wife.

Op, get the paperwork for court and get a contact order put in place.

[ExConstance]

If our new relationship is a stable one and you stay together there is no reason why you should not have access to your children with your new partner. You need to maintain contact for now, forge ahead with your application to the court and explore the possibility of seeing the children with someone other than your ex present for the time being.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

slug if you read the whole thread that's what most people have said.

As MistressMerryWeather succinctly put the affair you had and access to your children are 2 separate things.

[StanSmithsChin]

I would imagin it is OW that probably isn't too keen on the OP spending time with his wife while visiting the children.

[MistressMerryWeather]

Children deserve to have both parents in their lives.

My two boys would be devastated if there dad just disappeared one day. I would never want to be part of that.

[wafflyversatile]

This is the sort of thread that tempts me to start a reversal thread a few weeks down the line.

[MistressMerryWeather]

their

[Oswin]

Have you found somewhere to live? I'm curious why you would talk about taking them out instead of having access in your own home?
Take your time with this, do let let ow anywhere near your children for a good while.

Are you prepared for her turning round and saying fine I get it your a good dad, I'm being silly there yours every weekend. Or even 50/50. Are you prepared for that to happen?

[LunaSonny]

Who either of you are shagging should have no impact on your childrens contact with their father.

Btw - your wife was free to do as she wished with regards to having another relationship, as soon as you left her for another woman.

[moonfacebaby]

Personally, I never stopped my exH from seeing our kids & he'd had an affair. One, I needed the break & two, I wasn't going to let my feelings about the wanker impact my children. They wanted & needed to see their dad.

If you have split up, then surely seeing the kids with your exW is going to be a bit confusing for them too? Surely they need to understand that you have split up & aren't together anymore?

I do have a lot of sympathy for her - it's horrendous to find out that your DH is having an affair & it's soul- destroying. Particularly with young children in the mix. And as for the Op mentioning that she's shagging his mate now - well, good on her! She's a free agent & she can do what she pleases - being indignant about that makes you look like a complete twat.

But you do deserve to see your kids & there needs to be some resolution there - you might have to suck up the seeing them with her there for a while, maybe she'll calm down a bit & then agree to a different set up. She can't hold you to ransom over this indefinatly either - it's not about her, or you, it's about the kids & minimising the affect on them.

[Despondentlyyours]

As this is so new I would suggest that you suck it up with the supervised visits for now. Is it really such a big deal that your Wife is there when you see your children?

Ask for a time when you can call them on their home phone?

Then longer term get into mediation

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Oh Voyage, Voyage Voyage...

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

The problem with the formal route now is it can set the tone forever.

Yes, your children deserve a relationship with you. But if you can move towards civility instead of communication through lawyers, that will help.

Have you tried suggestions like taking them out with a friend or family member she trusts? What did she say?

[Fairenuff]

OP could you clarify something as it's not clear from your posts, have you been seeing your children since you left the marital home, or not?

[Oswin]

I dunno voyage, its hard to be objective when you see the devastation that fucking off with an ow can do.
I really have tried to be not mean to the op when my brain is shouting he's a prick.

He had an affair so that makes me think he's behaved like a scumbag. But scumbag types can still be parents. And the children, especially now, need to feel secure. Which means the adults coming to an arrangement. It might mean a gradual increase in contact with the father alone. Could be something else.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Voyage, I think the op has been given good advice.

D'ya know it's okay that there are spaces with a female bias, it really is. The idea that as it's a female site it has to be completely fair and impartial at all times is sexist really, why should we, because we're women? There are lots of male spaces on the Internet so don't get too distressed that there's a little corner somewhere where women get Quite. Cross. Sometimes.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

The problem with the formal route now is it can set the tone forever.

As can bending to the whim of the RP. The sooner this is formalised the better.

[wafflyversatile]

The problem with the formal route now is it can set the tone forever.

Same can be said of the informal route.

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

Well except that it is much easier to go formal than come back from formal.

I am just saying that there might be an argument for considering an informal phased approach first. The lawyers will still be there in a month if it isn't working.