Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Original poster

The secret to men and women being able to communicate?

56 replies

MoreThanAWoman · 13/01/2015 20:12

Do you know? If so please share.

My friend and I were discussing this today and I said I would post this thread see if we could get some male and female perspectives on this.

Do men find it as hard to communicate with women as we do the other way round?

OP posts:
DadDadDad · 14/01/2015 17:16

Given this thread has gone nearly 24 hours without a response from anyone, I think you may have an answer to your question... Grin

cottageinthecountry · 14/01/2015 17:18

It's in the cupboard!

AnyFucker · 14/01/2015 17:19

Try switching it off and on again.

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 14/01/2015 17:26

dad yes i was thinking that myself lol

cottageinthecountry and anyfucker i think she wishes at times she could do both of these things with him.

OP posts:
AWholeLottaNosy · 14/01/2015 17:34

Personally I find men want to solve someone's problems, interrupt, talk about themselves or tell anecdotes and don't get a woman's need to just express herself ( especially emotionally ) and just be heard.

I know I am making generalisations here but that's my experience.

If you are interested in reading a good book about communication skills I'd recommend this one. Communication skills, active listening and empathy can be learnt if you have a mind to do so and are incredibly useful things to have...

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1892005034/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1421256523&sr=1-1&pi=AC_SY200_QL40&dpPl=1&dpID=51-Y46JuAYL&ref=plSrch

AWholeLottaNosy · 14/01/2015 17:35

Just to add, that link was 'Non Violent Communication' by Marshall B Rosenberg.

cottageinthecountry · 14/01/2015 19:02

I don't know whether the dishes in the dishwasher are clean or not - as you're standing right by it perhaps you could have a look?

LurcioAgain · 14/01/2015 19:17

Just to put the other side of things, I'd recommend "The Myth of Mars and Venus" by Deborah Cameron which debunks the idea that men and women communicate in different ways.

How do I talk to men? Same way I do to women. Open my mouth, words come out, sometimes we're on the same wavelength, sometimes we're not, that's the variety of human personalities for you.

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 14/01/2015 20:31

Thanks for your replies. I've taken note of the books. I did not express in my first post what I meant by communicating well at all. I didn't mean simple easy everyday conversations.

I meant on a much deeper level. For example if two women were talking and I am generalising here also, they allow each other to talk nod in the right places, make faces conveying they understand what their friend is saying, maybe give them a hug, console them if they cry and usually say the right words of support. If having the same kind of conversation one to a man the woman tends to feel disappointed, let down, hurt and the conversation made her feel worse rather than better for sharing.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/01/2015 20:34

I think that is a massive and hugely unfair generalisation

Some women I know will talk over you, bring the convo back to themselves, make it clear they are not listening constructively

Some men I know are great empathic listeners who are aware when to keep their own trap shut

I think it is an individual thing

LurcioAgain · 14/01/2015 20:38

"I meant at a deeper level" - underneath the facetiousness, so did I. As Anyfucker says, some men are good at empathy, some not, some women are rubbish at empathy, some not. And it's a two way process as well - there are some people (note, people, not men/women exclusively) that I have a rapport with and will open up to, and some I won't. And I'm sure there are, among my circle of acquaintances, those who would come to me for support because they felt I'd understand them, and others who'd think "Lurcio... not in a million years."

I don't like these huge sweeping generalisations that suggest men and women are doomed never to be able to communicate with one another about anything of importance.

AWholeLottaNosy · 14/01/2015 21:44

I did admit I was generalising and I did also say it was in my experience so I totally own that.

But... I have experienced a difference in how men and women communicate and personally I do find it frustrating. If I wanted to talk about an emotional issue I was experiencing I would personally go to talk to a female friend rather than a male one.

I also feel that women talk more in subtexts than men. For example, if I said to a female colleague, what are you doing for lunch? She would jibe it was actually an invitation to have lunch together whereas a male colleague would be more likely to take it as a literal statement. Not saying that's right, but I think sometimes there's unspoken agreements between women that men may find baffling ( and frustrating )

AWholeLottaNosy · 14/01/2015 21:45

Jibe? Think!

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 14/01/2015 22:03

I would like to apologise for offending anyone with my generalising comments. That was not my intention.

I personally was generalising when what I should have said is the women I know in general feel like this when they are trying to talk to their DP, not all the time just sometimes. It happened to me in my last relationship as well and we all wondered if it was something we were doing wrong and if there was a way to fix it.

I am not suggesting for one minute all men are the same nor are all women. It just seemed a common problem within these relationships. They were talking to each other about problems they were having and all said they wished they could talk to their DP in the same way but they simply can't.
Hope this explains it a bit better.

OP posts:
HootOnTheBeach · 14/01/2015 22:19

Really, really depends on the man. I can talk to my DP no problem. But we are on the same wavelength and over time developed our own language.

There are men at work who I would never ever be able to put up with or communicate outside of straightforward work stuff.

AWholeLottaNosy · 14/01/2015 22:31

'Morethanawoman'. Your username is pretty offensive for a start...

AWholeLottaNosy · 14/01/2015 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 14/01/2015 22:38

AWholeLottaNosy my username is offensive? Do you care to explain?

OP posts:
Trills · 14/01/2015 22:43

The secret to men and women communicating is to realise that there is no clear

"women communicate like this"

and

"men communicate like this"

Different people communicate in different ways. There are more than two different ways to communicate. Its more complex than just empathy vs systemising, there are multiple axes.

AWholeLottaNosy · 14/01/2015 22:54

'Morethan', well what did you mean by your name?

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 14/01/2015 23:00

AWhole you said it was offensive and I asked why you found it offensive?

OP posts:
AWholeLottaNosy · 14/01/2015 23:14

Well my question is what or whom is 'more than a woman'..?

The implication is that a woman is somehow 'less than'. But if you can't see that then I'm afraid I can't educate you any further.

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 14/01/2015 23:30

No. You didn't ask me what my username meant you simply put up a post saying
MoreThanAWoman your username is pretty offensive for start
Do you read every username and state it's offensive?
Why me when I had said nothing to you to deserve that, I do not know.

My user name (not that it is any of your business nor should I have to justify it to you) is the song from the Bee Gees. It was someone I loved deeply (who has now passed away) favourite songs so it has personal meaning to me.
Take your patronising little self off and have a pop at someone else because you are out of order.

OP posts:
AWholeLottaNosy · 14/01/2015 23:58

Well if you are going to post on a primarily feminist thread you should expect to be challenged. And the Bee Gees song was equally as offensive. WTF is 'more than a woman' ? Think about it...

AWholeLottaNosy · 14/01/2015 23:59

Let's reverse it then. 'More than a man'. What would that mean to you..?