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Original poster

The secret to men and women being able to communicate?

56 replies

MoreThanAWoman · 13/01/2015 20:12

Do you know? If so please share.

My friend and I were discussing this today and I said I would post this thread see if we could get some male and female perspectives on this.

Do men find it as hard to communicate with women as we do the other way round?

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 15/01/2015 00:20

I don't expect to be challenged on my username. I expected replies regarding my original question. I posted on dadsnet hoping for some male points of view along with female ones. I was actually posting as I stated for my friend. Any tips and help on how couples have managed to communicate more effectively was the point of the thread.

This was not a primarily feminist thread.
If you find the Bee Gees song offensive that is your right.
More than a woman? Could be viewed as yes she's a woman but she's also a lot more than that, she's a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend the list is endless.

I choose the name due to its personal meaning to me not to others. If they find it offensive that's their problem not mine.
I won't reply to any more comments you make because quite honestly I've got enough shit going on in real life. I don't need a pointless argument I didn't ask for or start on MN.

OP posts:
VoyageOfDad · 15/01/2015 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 15/01/2015 12:37

Grin Grin Grin @ Ahem cough cough

I do like a crossword.

OP posts:
JeSuisToujoursCharliePan · 15/01/2015 12:53

Quite. Dadsnet is considered the on-line version of a train's 'quiet carriage'. If you'd be so kind? Thank you.

VoyageOfDad · 15/01/2015 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeSuisToujoursCharliePan · 15/01/2015 16:33

I saw a brilliant 'sexes from an engineers analysis' image.

Women's control panel was festooned with dials and meter levels and switches and knobs and slide controls and digital displays.

Men's control panel. One 'off/on' switch.Smile

VoyageOfDad · 15/01/2015 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 15/01/2015 19:27

shhht don't want to disturb the peacefulness over here at Dadsnet. It is surprisingly quiet.

I think there is a lot of truth in what you say even though I know you are joking. My friend feels her DP just sits there and doesn't listen to a word she's saying. Maybe he is just taking in the first bit of info and seeing it as a problem that he is thinking of a solution to, rather than realising she just needs to vent. He may also feel she is having a go at him and get immediately defensive or see it as her blaming him in someway.

Interestingly most of my friends have been LP for a long time before meeting someone and more used to discussions with females than males.

It's all a learning curve, would just have been nice to be able to help and say have you tried xyz lol.

I have told my friend she can join MN and put her own posts up in future Smile

I shall go over and join the ladies for a bit and leave you gents in peace to do your crosswords Grin Sure someone will be back later to check your tickets.

OP posts:
CharliePan · 15/01/2015 20:08

I think that's true - the common response to an obvservtion is to problem-solve or feel under pressure to provide a solution which wasn't asked for. Just a 'that must be difficult/excellent for you' is often what's wanted. That response gives licence to the talker to expand. Usually anyway people find their own solutions. The principles of Socratic Questioning is useful too i.e. listen carefully and ask a relevant question. NOT telling anyone anything.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 15/01/2015 20:13

I'm sure a lot of men are poor communicators. I don't know any though. Most of them seem fully functional to me. Your friend and her dp seem a bit...incompatible. I never feel disappointed talking to dp. Annoyed-yes, but disappointed in his poor response? No.
I like your user name op.

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 15/01/2015 22:03

john Smile thank you for liking my username lol.

Yes maybe your right maybe they are incompatible, but I hope not, there is so much good in them. I don't mean to make it sound like she can't talk to him at all she can.
They have just moved in together so with two families joining as one their is bound to be a period of change and adjustment for all. This communication thing wasn't an issue before.

I am sure they will work it out in time and find their feet its very early days for them.

At times I am glad to be heading for a live of spinsterhood!

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 15/01/2015 22:03

Life even!

OP posts:
VoyageOfDad · 15/01/2015 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 15/01/2015 22:51

VOD, you sound just like me and I am a woooman.

You are generalising, or projecting, or something.

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 15/01/2015 23:08

voyageofdad furry creatures dressed in smocks dancing around an acorn heap in the woods? I am laughing so hard at your post i've got tears.
Worryingly I think we may be related???

My mum does exactly the same thing. She will tell me this long epic tale over something she could say in two or three seconds but no I get the full blown what day of the week it happened, where, when, the temperature, what she was wearing, there's no point in the story at all. I can feel my mind starting to lose interest and try so hard (because im trying to be a better person) to stay with it but generally fail. I start making lists in my head of what I need to do, or buy at the shop everything you put on your list, except the furry creatures (I think you may need to talk to someone about that like a professional) I totally zone out where I can't even hear her anymore, me? what? you were talking to me? right, sorry.

That's such a shame for your LP friend I share his pain. I could listen to his problems in fact it would be a relief to focus on someone else's for awhile. I see very few adults and have become lost in a world of Cbeebies and now consider Mr Tumble, Raa Raa and The Ninky Nonk friends of the family whom previously I never knew existed.

What is going on outside my world? I have no idea. I put more research in to what buggy to buy that I did on buying my first house. I have little to talk about except where the cheapest pampers are on sale or how I spend the whole entire morning hunting for the pre payment key for the electric meter (private rented house don't ask) as it had ran out this including emptying contents of kitchen bin (anyone with a toddler will understand) only for my DS to hand me the key who knew where it had been the whole time. I really think that was pay back for with holding the milky buttons after not eating breakfast.

I shall tell my friend about your clam comments as that is exactly what he does and she is misinterpreting it. Hmmm you may have helped me after all. Thank you an insight into the workings of the male mind is always interesting.

OP posts:
CharliePan · 15/01/2015 23:40

-an insight into the workings of the male mind is always interesting - Hmm

Grin
AnyFucker · 15/01/2015 23:43

An ability to say something useful in as few words as possible is a rare skill Smile

AnyFucker · 15/01/2015 23:44

I have known some waffling blokes in my time. My mother takes the Biscuit though....why bother with one sentence when an essay will do ?

CharliePan · 16/01/2015 00:02

tho' a buddy of mine used to bang on endlessly about himself til my ears bled - then essentially say the classic " So much for me. What about you? What do you think of what I've just said?".

and I was v badly caught out doing the eyes glazing over and list-prepping last week. After some v dull words from a colleague I realised she had stopped talking and was awaiting a response to a question...."Probably. Would you like some tea now?" Seemed to satisfy....awk-waard,

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 16/01/2015 09:15

Wish there was a like button on MN.

What I meant to say after my own essay was who could blame anyone for the vacant look and zoning out if I was to share my day with them. Not exactly intellectually stimulating or interesting now is it. I should cut my dear mum some slack.

I should have said the workings of VOD's mind was interesting Smile as he said he would clam up when being asked what he felt. It wasn't he didn't have any feelings on what his XP was saying just couldn't express them. I am sure there are both men and women who feel like this and its worth noting no answer doesn't always mean they don't care. My friends DP is exactly like that when asked about feelings/emotions.

OP posts:
IrenetheQuaint · 16/01/2015 09:24

It's so variable. But I do think little girls are encouraged to think about emotions and relationships, and taught a language to express them in, more than little boys are.

frankbough · 16/01/2015 10:57

I've got three girls and have never encourage them or taught them to think in a certain way, I speak to them as I speak to everyone else, perhaps with a little more patience.. This men and women are the same is a load of crap..

BreakingDad77 · 16/01/2015 13:48

Similar observation to above:

Womans diary

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.

I’d been shopping in the afternoon with the girls
and was a bit late meeting him. I thought it might be that.

The bar was really crowded and loud,
so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.

He was still very subdued and distracted
so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn’t seem himself

  • he hardly laughed and didn’t seem to be
paying any attention to me or to what I was saying, I just knew that something was wrong.

He dropped me back home and I wondered
if he was going to come in.
He hesitated but followed.

I asked him what was wrong,
but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.

After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed.
I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply.
He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.

He didn’t follow me up immediately but came up later and,
to my surprise, we made love

  • but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.

I cried myself to sleep.
I think he’s planning to leave me.
Maybe he’s found someone else.

  • – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -

MAN’S DIARY

Saturday 28 July

United lost.

Gutted.

Got a shag though.

-----------------

Women are generally brought up to be more more social and talk/gossip about anything and everything where as men it seems the opposite. I saw a comedy sketch once which rung true for me where a guy joked about going on a fishing trip with his dad and they didn't say one thing apart from when to stop start, lunch. The only talks I seemed to have with my dad were when I was more in late teens and then they were mostly arguments as I challenged his old fashioned bigoted/homophobic/misogynistic views.

Original poster
MoreThanAWoman · 16/01/2015 19:10

Grin Grin Grin at the diary posts I like that.

OP posts:
exaltedwombat · 16/01/2015 19:20

Women like to talk when they've got nothing to say. Men don't. That's fine. Neither sex needs to beat themselves up over it.