How many men actually wanted/want children?

[30somethingm]

Just got back from the pub where had a chat with a number of mates about this (not the MGTOW "mates" in the other thread"!

How many of you actually wanted kids/want them? One of the guys said that he never wanted kids, but assumed he would have them as "that is what is done". Now that they are here he loves them of course, but is sad as his relationship is now suffering because of child-rearing stresses and the lack of quality time with his wife. He also no longer finds his wife physically attractive (a year after their 2nd was born). He said tonight that he thinks most men didn't want kids/don't want to have kids but are not open about it. What do you think?

I ask this as someone who is erring towards not having them, although I'm single so perhaps this will change.

My husband did not want to try for children. I did. As soon as we were married I wanted kids! He wanted to wait until we had bought a house, got some savings, had some time together, etc etc. He saw children in his future, just several years away when he felt financially prepared.

But we had our first about 14 months after we were married and our second was born 15 months after our first

He loves them very much and now he says that he wouldn't want it any other way and he's glad we had them when we did. He says that it was fear that made him want to wait but actually having them made him work so much harder because they were a reality.

He says that he always saw himself as having children, even from a young man he knew that he would one day marry and have children, it's just that he felt it was far far FAR in the future

My son is without question the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have discovered reserves of patience and love that I had never suspected existed. But he has changed my life completely. Before him, I was out most evenings, now we are at home, and happily so. I still love going out, but had reached a point when I did not feel I was missing out by not doing so. I do not feel like less of a person for spending more time more quietly now.

I would love to have more children, but if it doesn't happen, so be it.

For me not having had a child would have been a great mistake. I am a much kinder person now.

I think it is good that you are honest about your desire to stay child free OP. I know of a few men, once friends, who strung girls along for years with vague promises of families only to ditch them. Low behaviour in my book.

I'm going to chime in here with another women's perspective!

I never really wanted kids until I met my DH, and then I realised I wanted his babies. My DH is very supportive and while I know he wants children, his main desire now is to give me my dream of becoming a Mum and making us a family. The baby thing is somewhat abstract to him, but it breaks his heart to see me crying about us not having a baby yet, which is very special in its own way I think.

A lot of his friends have had babies in the past year, people he really admires, which I also think has given him the confidence to stand up and admit that he wants to be a family man and that he thinks it's the cool thing to do! He looks at his younger colleagues and says he is glad to be through that chapter of his life.

I'd love that guy from the eBay advert to post here on this topic!

I am 28 and my wife and I are expecting our first in October.

My nan was 20(ish) when she had my mum and my mum was 20 when I was born and when I was younger, I wanted kids young as well, only because then (as I thought back then) I would be young enough to have a load of fun with them as they grew up.

In reality, I'm scared of the responsibility and the change to life and limb :p

My wife and I have been together ten years, married five, I have always know she wanted kids at some point but I've never felt any kind or sort of click with kids, don't know how to act, how to speak, whatever, just never been there, I also don't understand WHY would a woman want to put herself through all the child carrying and bearing? I just can't get my head round that :p

I think this has put me off kids, maybe it was something else. BUT if truth be told, I'm still not sure on the whole kiddy idea, I know it's going to happen and want to be the best I can but DEFINITELY don't "feel" ready or anything such as......

It's selfish to say and possibly not the best thing to admit just now but we are all adults and I'm guessing you want the truth? I wouldn't be bothered if a kid never appeared. Don't get me wrong, I don't want the wife to lose the baby or anything like that but if I woke up and non or it was real, I'd be just as content with life as it is......

It will change when the baby arrives, at least that's what I'm living towards......

I am 28 and my wife and I are expecting our first in October.

My nan was 20(ish) when she had my mum and my mum was 20 when I was born and when I was younger, I wanted kids young as well, only because then (as I thought back then) I would be young enough to have a load of fun with them as they grew up.

In reality, I'm scared of the responsibility and the change to life and limb :p

My wife and I have been together ten years, married five, I have always know she wanted kids at some point but I've never felt any kind or sort of click with kids, don't know how to act, how to speak, whatever, just never been there, I also don't understand WHY would a woman want to put herself through all the child carrying and bearing? I just can't get my head round that :p

I think this has put me off kids, maybe it was something else. BUT if truth be told, I'm still not sure on the whole kiddy idea, I know it's going to happen and want to be the best I can but DEFINITELY don't "feel" ready or anything such as......

It's selfish to say and possibly not the best thing to admit just now but we are all adults and I'm guessing you want the truth? I wouldn't be bothered if a kid never appeared. Don't get me wrong, I don't want the wife to lose the baby or anything like that but if I woke up and non or it was real, I'd be just as content with life as it is......

It will change when the baby arrives, at least that's what I'm living towards......

Mhmm, first post on this site, wondered if it hadn't posted and it's posted twice......aren't 20 somethings supposed to understand the internet and technology? I feel like I'm going backward to the cave age or something rather that accepting the know-it-all technology stuffs.

Sorry for the double posting :)

DH has always been more keen than me on having babies, with each child we have had he has been the one to bring the idea up

We have six now and we won't be having any more but if you asked him right now what he'd wish for if he had one wish it would be another baby

But he has also said that while he always knew he wanted children he didn't want a big family until he met me, and I certainly wouldn't have wanted such a big family if it wasn't for him. But for us it works

I hate to think of anyone male or female being pressured or expected to have children they don't want