What is the best way to have a dig at a private school parent?

[UrbanDad]

"No am I being unreasonable?" here. I am totally reasonable to have a go at an otherwise liberal mate who eschews a perfectly good state secondary school to send his DD to a private school miles away. He makes all kinds of rubbish excuses about how his DD needs nurturing, the local secondary is composed entirely of the Bash Street Kids and it doesn't have enough sporting or cultural activities. It's all a load of Horlicks and he knows it - it's just about allowing his DD (and him TBH) to mix with the "right kind of people". I cannot afford private school and even if I could or my DKs could get a scholarship I wouldn't send them there - I just think social apartheid for children is wrong and it's poison for social mobility.

He says "everyone wants the best for their kids". I agree, but my point is this - even for purely selfish reasons - I also want the best for everyone's kids (after a couple of generations I suspect I will be blood-related to quite a few of them as well) rather than to purchase a privileged status for my own. That will be poison chalice for my DKs as well - what? After all I spent on you, you can't even get a decent job? - and it inculcates them with a terrible ethos of "every man for himself" and "beggar my neighbour".

Does anyone have any other suggestions how I can humiliate, lampoon and pour scorn upon him for being a sell-out, please?

El thinks they do!

I never mentioned yachts! Just that only 7% of kids are privately educated and, sue me if I'm wrong, but those kids parents have money, to, you know, pay the fees and so on. So that incorrect? Are private schools actually full of poor people and I've just been wildly misinformed?

My dh taught at a private school where some of the students were mega rich and they had several yachts, homes all over the world, including castles.
He said they were lovely, respectful, good manners, intelligent and just really nice. There were several who used to bow to him after their lesson.
They got really simple gifts for xmas dh was quite surprised one boy said he got a pen.

There are many others he went to that were nothing like this.

You choose the best education for your child, whatever that may be, not for somebody else's dc.

You should be choosing it to benefit all children.

It is a misconception to parrot the 'everybody has freedom of choice' line as a response because clearly, many do not.

I too fail to see the moral difference between paying for music lessons and paying to take your children to museums etc on the one hand, and paying for their academic education on the other.

If anyone wants to convince me that there is a difference, I'm listening.

itsbetter

Isn't it up to the child's parents to choose the best education for their child? I think its my responsibility as a parent and wouldn't want anybody to consider my child in their decision.
What does it have to do with my child what other parents decide to do?

El - it hasn't just happened they have money you know. Some people choose to have lots of kids, some choose to stay at home, some smoke and drink, some are feckless and irresponsible, some have messed around at school leaving with no qualifications and some choose to take further qualifications to get the better paid roles.

The view that somehow the money has just turned up is frankly insulting.

Are you genuine? You are asking for advice how to belittle your friend's decision.

You do sound jealous. And not very pleasant.

There are more opportunities at private school and, where I live at least, the results are hugely better. If you can afford it, then why not? Sadly I cannot, but good luck to those who can (and many make sacrifices elsewhere to do so).

Good on him. It's not really any of your business, is it?

I can get a state education for my children but I didn't like what I saw in the area. I decided to pay again for a private education. Of course the privates aren't full of poor people. It's like saying that first class air travel isnt right because it's not available to all. What about a Gordon Ramsay restaurant, should that be banned too because after all food goes in the same way and it's no different to a greasy spoon?

handcream

Ditto.

Two out of our 3 children had a poor education, my area is famous for its share of really bad schools. No private schools and no grammars.
Our dd will have a fantastic education that far outstrips her brothers.
That's life, do I deny dd a school that is the perfect fit for her, and yes will probably set her up for life, because it wasn't the school for her brothers or most other children.
That's ridiculous.

You sound rather chippy.

MehsMum - there is a world of difference. I have nothing against private education - the state after all cannot offer everything to everyone. I am against private schooling - the social apartheid based on wealth which seeks to maintain a class divide, enforces one group in positions of wealth and power at the expense of the other, segregates children unnecessarily and hinders them from socialising with one another.

I am not "jealous" of my friend - or his weak-willed hypocritical short-sightedness and the financial strain he will heap on himself. If you atomise it and look at each individual, the incremental harm is negligible, but collectively the harm is massive.

elporto could you quantify your 'real world' statement please?

UrbanDad so your friend believes private education offers his child something the State does not which according to your last post you are not against in principle?

urban only 7% of kids go to private school.

Can those numbers really reek such social havoc?

The far greater problem of inequality is within the state system.

Hand cream, I also find it insulting that you think people can't afford private school out of personal choice (smoking, drinking, not working etc as you list). What about people who are long term sick. Are disabled? Were raised with no ambition in chaotic households which hindered their own education? Do their children not also deserve the 'best' education, or are they not worth bothering about because you and yours are above all that?

I think the state should provide excellent education for all and that includes your little darlings who don't deserve a leg up any more than anyone else does. Research shows that upper middle class kids do well wherever they are sent to school as home life, background, parental ambition etc all play such a huge role.

Someone else asked me to quantify my 'real world' statement - please explain and I will do so again

Thewordfactory, yes - that 7% currently take up around 30-40% of the top jobs in politics, business, industry. If that situation were entirely based on merit that would be fine, but it's not, it's based on connections and money nothing else. Allowing that 7% to run the country is very damaging indeed; what understanding do they have about the 'real world' lived in by the other 93%? (George Osbornes speech yesterday freezing welfare yet refusing the tax rich pensioners was a perfect example)

Two exes of mine, two very different but incredibly posh schools both had the same mindset. They both lived on the bank of mummy and daddy and would rush away the days waiting for their inheritance. Boasting about how much money they'd have. One of these insisted he'd spend half of it on coke. And not the fizzy kind.

elporto whether they attend private school or not, the wealthy will use their wealth to ensure their DC have every advantage.

Private school is only one tiny part of what these children can access.

"For "it's his own business", "it's their choice" or "I want the best for my child", remember it's all about the choice of individuals who can afford it. Now share nicely, please."

^^^

I already part fund your childs schooling through my massive tax bill. If i choose to send my child to piblic school OP you should be grateful as I am freeing up resourcesand reducing class sizes for state school attendees.

Typos due to typing whilst breast feeding.

Completely agree with WordFactory that the real problem is inequalities in the state system. All state schools should be so good that nobody would want to go anywhere else.

UrbanDad: it isn't private schools that stop children from socialising across the board. Children spend a relatively small proportion of their time at school. The children in my DC's classes (including my own DC) spend their time out of school at football, cricket, swimming, Scouts (etc, etc, etc), thereby mixing with the hoi polloi too.

Also meant to say that I know many, many people whose children are all at state schools (of the splendid type), and whose children therefore never socialise with anyone outside their local upper-middle-class area, where the houses are so expensive that they make school fees look cheap...

We could have afforded private for our 2 DCs but chose not to because we believe in the state comprehensive system and it worked fine for them. As and A*s across the board at GCSE, As at A level and a PhD and MSc at the end.

We knew what they were capable of and left it to the school. In my experience of our friends the ones that sent their DCs to private school weren't confident of their abilities and thought private school could make up for any inadequacies.

We have a brilliant comp available. Maybe if all choices had been in special measures we may have thought harder.

They both did brilliantly academically but just as important is that they mixed with people from so many different backgrounds and cultures. They learned to be accepting of differences and how to deal with people who were not always pleasant.

Sunna - believe me, there are unpleasant people in private schools too!!