How can I be more manly?

[TiggyD]

I've just bought a football shirt. I'm wearing it now and I'm feeling quite manly as a result. What's the most manly thing you can think of?

For me it's wearing a football shirt while standing at the barbecue grilling something I've just killed myself, drinking from a can of full fat Coke with one hand and doing the 'pinch and roll' with the other.

Farting?

dare I ask about the pinch and roll?

I cut down trees and felt incredibly manly.
Also the time I had to drill off the old toilet seat. I was the essence of manliness. I had no idea where the hole was in the toilet bowl but just had to drill through the hinge and hope.

Cutting down trees reminds me of the lumberjack song. No so manly. Farting is good, with maybe a high five afterwards?

Is the pinch n roll done under the apron with the naked woman picture on it? Do I know you?

Have you thought about a handlebar moustache?

Knocking down a wall with a sledgehammer whilst wearing lederhosen and nowt else. That's proper manly.

The pinch and roll could be done under a novelty apron, yes. Sometimes it's the only thing which will make it all better.

Moustaches...bit gay? A full on Brian Blessed would be better surely?

I was wearing converse.

Also reversing with your arm round the headrest of the passenger seat.

Buying a bargain bucket when there's only you in the car.

ha ha I just cam e back to post muttonchops! :)

And take up pipe smoking.

Being manly sounds a bit rubbish...

Can you fix something greasy and go to the pub while smelling of diesel?

oooh WD-40? I'd wear that as perfume.

You can fix anything with a shed full of mysterious tools.

Smelling of diesel eh?
Manly smells include leather, Swarfega, old tools, old spice, fisherman's friends.

Ah, swarfega!

Obviously develop a small sniffle, announce you have flu & take to the couch with a few beers & the remote.

Make sure you always give to advice to women parking

Dh claims gt85 is much better smell than wd40

He fixed our landrover on the hard shoulder of the m1 yesterday, while the kids sat on an ants nest on the embankment. He is always v manly (but is secure enough to admit loving "love actually" and most of the other brit Rom coms)

Use lard instead of butter on your sandwiches.

Chew nuts and bolts instead of gum.

Wipe your arse with your hand.

Leave the bog seat up and dont replace the bog roll when its run out.

Sit with your legs as far apart as possible, so on a three-seater sofa, for example, one knee would be touching each armrest.

Maximum manliness would also require the wearing of a football shirt, as you say, dirty jeans and rigger boots. A blonde 'piece' (and you should refer to them as such) should be draped around each shoulder. A good quantity of hair in all places except the head is also a requirement. As is a selection of generic 'jokes' and a whippet.

There are two schools of thought here. Firstly, there's that school personified in books such as the Alphabet of Manliness, which is very rugged and ferocious.

Then there's that which you might find at the Chap Olympiad, or in the Chap magazine, which offers a very different, though equally valid view of manliness.

true manliness personified

FasterHigherBeardierDaddyman

but is it SDS +

Chap Olympiad more likely