Please could I have some male opinions on my DH and Porn

[TheChangerOfTheName]

I have name changed, though this is my first time on the Dadsnet part of MN. I am hoping that you could give me your opinion on the following:
*My DH looks at Shemale Porn (not just one off curiosity type looking)
*My DH looks at porn in the morning (though not every morning) before going to work
*My DH looks at Vore Porn (not just one off curiosity type looking)

You may want to know that I do not object to him using porn in the same way a woman may use erotic fiction, as a means to fulfil a sexual need that he may not want fulfilled my me at that time.

I also have not noticed a drop in his attraction to me, nor anything out of the ordinary with our 'regular' sex life.

I would like you opinion on whether looking at Shemale porn is 'normal' for a straight man; whether looking at Vore Porn is just a fetish or something I should be concerned about and whether the porn in the morning thing is sign of an addiction.

Also, if you used (even hypothetically) the types of porn detailed above, and your DW/DP spoke to you about it, how would you feel?

You should know that I know of this use because I, in a moment of utter madness, looked at his phone history. In the ten years we have been together I have never ever looked before, nor have I ever had any doubts or insecurity about our relationship. I have looked a couple of times over this last week as I wanted to know that the Shemale / Vore stuff was a regular 'habit' rather than one off curiosity, and now I know it is, I would really really appreciate some male opinions on it.

If you would rather not say on here, but have an opinion or experience, would you be willing to PM me?

Thanks in advance for any feedback you want to give.

Do you ever watch porn together? If not it could be the ice breaker to begin talking about the subject.

2 case scenarios for me

When i was married looking at porn or having a porn mag found by my wife was tatamount to having an affair.

With my long term girlfriend she has more porn than me and we watch it together and talk about everything from straight porn through to gay porn, scatting, bukkake etc. Some stuff we've watched out of curiosity and been sickened by it ( 2 girls one cup springs to mind) but my point is nothing is hidden or secretive.
You said you considered yourself maybe a little prude so maybe he is a little less so but doesn't see that sort of stuff as something you could talk about.
Like others have said talk about it with him but if you haven't watched paorn together and it is something that you think you could do ( start with soft porn don't dive in to anything too heavy) then i'd go down that path.
If he were to get all shirty over being outed it may also be down to feeling "dirty" or embarrassed about it and not he's hiding something. Just a thought.

Hope that helps.

he may feel ashamed about the vore or shemale stuff, so when you talk to him, if you do you can count on him not wanting to talk about it and maybe being quite defensive.

the human mind can harbour some whierd stuff back there in the id but as long as it's just a fetish and between him and a screen, doesnt envolve the abuse of vunerable people i doubt there is much cause for concern, just because is is aroused by certain images doesnt mean he wants to live out the fantasy in RL.

the fact is, lots and lots of men consume pornography and some of the catagories that turn some people on are quite frankly bizzarre, but by the amount of stuff out there i doubt he is alone.

OP, just in relation to your OP, I would say that She-male porn or VORE ( I too had no idea what that was before this thread ) are not 'normal' for your average porn watching straight male.

Sorry OP, but your husband sounds like a weirdo.

If he was my best mate and showed me his stash, I'd run and never look back.

My main concern is that he is hiding things from you. As some on mumsnet know I had to deal with a porn addiction some time back, and the secrecy rings alarm bells. The fact that it is some very specific fetish items, and the fact that he feels a need to look at his porn before work suggest some compulsion going on.

I would suggest that porn is not the way for him to get his rocks off in your absence. Myself I can find the needed erotica from my own mind now. Porn is more risky to the individual than many think.

There's nothing wrong with being a bit " wierd", but personally as a straight male, I don't watch that kind of stuff.
Each to their own, though..
The snooping would be a dealbreaker for me.

TBH this sounds like you're trying to invent a problem where there isn't one, because people have told you there must be or you somehow feel there ought to be.

You yourself have said that you have a great relationship and no problems with your sex life. That's already more than a lot of people can say. It seems like you can't quite believe that could be true because your H is into all this "icky" porn. But contrary to popular delusion, looking at porn doesn't automatically either (a) make men impotent, or (b) turn them into uncontrollable sex fiends who want to have all their friends come on their wives' faces every night. Plenty of men just look at porn because they like it, while also having a perfectly respectful and mutually enjoyable sex life with their partner.

I personally find she-male stuff completely wierd and certainly not a turn on, and while I thought I'd seen it all I actually had to go and look up what vore was. Fuckin hell... I just laughed.

But as the saying goes, "there's nowt so queer as folk". That's as true of porn as it is of anything. One of the huge mistakes people make is to assume that you can reason from one particular behaviour what it must "mean" for everything else about the person. You can't. Your H might be into vore because he actually wants to eat people (although the question then arises, "so what?" as long as he doesn't act upon it - and looking at it is probably a perfectly functional way of not doing that.) Or he may be into it because he's haunted by a bad experience at a dodgy Chinese restaurant. Chances are he himself has no idea why he's into it.

The fact that he looks at it in the mornings may indicate compulsiveness, but again - so what? He still goes off to his job, earns money, comes home and has a good relationship and partnership with you. People have their compulsions. Some are harmful, in which case you need to do something about them. Some are just wierd.

Sorry but I'm not getting what the problem is here, unless it's that you've bought into the myth that as a wife or partner, you need and deserve to have complete understanding of and control over your partner's inner life. You can go down that road if you want (maybe that was why you checked his history?) But it'll only end in tears, and it sounds like you'd be throwing away something pretty special for it.

The thing about porn is, it's strictly fantasy. More often than not, it's stuff you get off on but would never want to happen in real life - like another poster said, I watch women on women porn but I'm not gay and have no inclination to be either. Likewise, my hubby loves watching wives getting gangbanged as his point of preference, but he'd go nuts if another man ever touched me.

Remember that there is a vast, vast difference between fantasy and reality, and only by talking to him will you be able to know which it is.

what loris said.
If you get on, you get on....most people don't find that in life, and a shit ton of people are ruining their lives by having affairs looking for that person.

The fact that he looks at it in the mornings may indicate compulsiveness, but again - so what? He still goes off to his job, earns money, comes home and has a good relationship and partnership with you. People have their compulsions. Some are harmful, in which case you need to do something about them.

If his compulsion to look at porn escalates from mornings and evenings, and he gets discovered looking at it whilst at work then he's in serious trouble that affects his family.

He needs to talk to somebody about this.