Genuine questions for husbands/male partners. I need your opinions.

[NosyRosie]

When does 'reminding' become 'nagging'?

I started asking DH last May for some shelves in DD's bedroom. Occasionally I've mantioned it again and we've even had a discussion about it.

Because he accuses me so frequently of nagging him I've been very careful not to push it. When I mentioned them again last week he told me I hadn't reminded him enough

Not a man, but if I want something done in the house, I get the materials, make sure we have nothing planned for the weekend and say, "I have bought the shelves. Shall we put them up together".

Fair point, but the location of these shelves-to-be are bloody awkward and I don't have the common sense skills to measure up/know what to buy!

I email my husband, then send a follow up reminder, then if it's not done I get a man in for a quote. That normally spurs him into action.

Agree with Swallowedafly.

And Reality.

Get measuring tape, "Give me a hand to measure for the shelves. Shall we go Sat or Sunday?"

Ladies you have no idea of the process involved. There are many different grades of material used in shelving, so after measuring up you have to research the correct specification required for the load on the shelf and the intended use.

You also have to consider the position of the shelves in the room and any possible UV radiation from the windows as this can affect both the colour and long term strength of the shelf.

You definitely need to analyse the wall itself and the type of wall fittings/suitable screws required or the shelf will fall down as soon as its used. And then there's the project planning, which you all appear to have forgotten.

Its at least a 10 month lead time to get the work completed correctly.

Could you get us a while you are trying to decide what colour matches the curtains?

LOL Jeff.

I can assure you that my DH would no more consider the grade of shelving, or the UV light affect than he would sprout a pair of wings.

Shelving for us means going to Ikea.

Excuses excuses.

And if you don't 'remind' it's your fault when somethings not done when it needs to be as you didn't remind them.
And if you do it yourself they get out of doing it!
Lose lose

If he doesn't do it then I just start the job myself.

That scares the shit out of him and he takes over.

Sorry - not the man here, obviously.

If you are waiting for a man to post a reply you will have to bump the post as a reminder .

Then send a text.

Then leave a note.

.

I consider myself a husband whisperer. I have the words that work every time.

"I'll phone my dad."

It doesn't matter that I have no intention of phoning my dad or that my dad would have no intention of doing anything on DH's 'turf' other than admire the piss poorjob that DH has done or the occasional loan of a tool.

Its just the thought of my dad stepping onto his turf that does it.

As my Dad is getting on a bit now. I am branching out into "I spoke to "J" (local builder/decorator) and he's going to look into it for me.

I have a bit of a problem with DIY in terms of confidence, it's just that I never did stuff like that when I was growing up or before or after Uni so I worry that the baton for the new curtain rail will collapse and I'll look an idiot, what also helps is the the fact my 2 yr old DS absolutely loves helping me I mean LOVES it????

Could I also suggest some plain old fashioned subterfuge and bribery?

DIY + chores = sexy undies and loving?

Or does that just work for me??

One of the most satisfying skills I have acquired is the ability to use a drill. I was a complete DIY phobic and I can reassure you that it is a Piece Of Piss.

I also get around it by using the 'oh, I'll just ask my brother'. Doesn't always work, but often.

Brilliant. Am off to learn to drill.

Jeff - LOL.

Rieslinger - this usually gets promised but then DW is too tired or something crops up so that the promises don't always get fulfilled.

But DW doesn't understand that for some jobs to happen there has to be an order - like getting plumbing / electrics done before you start to decorate.

Also find it a bit frustrating when DW says when will X and Y be finished but then says can we go out shopping.

Have find a bit of a compromise paying an odd job man to do the messy / trickier stuff and then can do the painting and finishing off.

is DD old enough to ask her Dad herself: "Daddy, pls can I have some shelves in by bedroom?" if he says 'yes' then I am sure he'll then go ahead do it. If he says no, then he ain't gonna do it.

If she's not old enough... then: this is since May? forget it, he obvously doesn't want to do it - pay someone else to put up the shelves.

No promise of sexual delights for putting up of shelves

I don't expect a night of fun for cooking the dinner or washing his shirts.

Good lord do people really offer sexual favours in return for completion of household chores

it's called jobs for jobs.

at jobs for jobs.

You would be sleeping in the huffy room, if you were my DH for using a term like that.

does the huffy room need any shelves put up?
I could buils a wardrobe even???

My dh knows full well that if he was ever stupid enough to request a "job for a job" he'd be less likely to get one, not more.

lol @ "does the huffy room need any shelves put up?"