Mums wants to buy DS character bike. I want to get him a decent quality one.

[Inthebluecar]

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this delicately?

Situation:
We are planning to get our almost 3yo DS his first pedal bike soon, he's been very confident on his balance bike for over a year now and has started asking for pedals like his sister.

His balance bike was an hand-me-down strider that has served him well. We feel having a light weight, well thought out balance bike has really helped him get to grips with it.

My mum wants to buy his first pedal bike, and has seen a character bike she thinks he'd like. And tbf he would absolutely love it because it does have some of his favourite characters on. But from a learning to cycle perspective we'd rather get him a decent quality bike.

So we thanked her for her generous offer, and explained we'd rather get him a good quality, well designed children's bike like a Woom. These are quite a lot more expensive so of course we would not expect my mum to pay for it. We said if she still wanted to get him a bike we'd pay the difference on the more expensive bike and she could still say it was from here, or we could seek out a second hand one.

My mum is really opposed to both ideas because:

a) she doesn't think a children's bike should be so expensive (I agree they are very expensive but I guess you're paying for the fact they're well designed, and they do hold their value well!)

b) she thinks DS deserves a new bike since his first bike was second (or fourth) hand. I really don't think he'd care that much, I don't think DD has noticed her previous two bikes were not brand new.

We learned the long way that heavy, novelty kid's bikes slow down learning to to cycle. Our DD only got to grips with balancing and then pedaling once we got her a Frog bike aged 4 so we'd rather just get a decent bike for DS from the get go.

Despite explaining this, my mum is set on getting the bike she's seen, she argues that DS is much better on a bike at this age than DD was (but I'm sure part of that is because he's had a good, lightweight balance bike 🙈). I feel it will be a waste of £130 if she gets the character bike, and might create some awkwardness when we end up getting another bike anyway.

I also suggested we could get stickers for his bike to customise it, but the idea went down like a lead balloon.

Please help!
Any suggestions on how to handle this?

I think you’re overthinking it.

“Thanks mum, but we’ve already got him a bike” is all you need to say.

Probably my safeguarding head on here but I tend to avoid character items attached to ds (same age) as it can be used by unsafe people to appear safe. At least until ds is old enough to have a basic understanding of what tricky people are.

I think ultimately I'd say to your mum to get helmet and accessories but you'll cover the bike itself since she has something very different in mind. Whether or not she agrees with your decision as to what bike to buy is neither here nor there. You are the parent and while yes she's being very generous by offering- if it doesn't suit it doesn't suit.

A 3 yo def doesn't need a brand new bike....

I came on to explain all the reasons not to get a heavy, character bike…. But you’ve been there and got the t shirt already! Perhaps she could get him a character helmet but do not be moved on the choice of bike - our kids had hand me down Isla bikes that are STILL going strong for their younger cousins. There are other choices; Frog is great, the Evans own brand Pinnacle do a good lighter frame too. Just say that’s but no thanks.

I’m with you. We got our kids really decent frogs and islabikes, second hand and then sold for a good price years later

I agree with looking at second hamd frog and Isla bikes. Isla no longer make bikes but they’re bikes are still very popular and sell for around £300 to £400 on ebay and facebook selling pages.

I don’t really get the issue with a character bike tbh. I take your points but at the same time millions of kids have learned to ride on them. That’s not the issue though, if you want to choose the bike you just have to tell your mum thanks but no thanks. No discussion or explanation, I would stamp down hard on something like this as you do t want to be explaining your choices and decisions to her going forward. Thst said you have an older DC so maybe it’s just a one off

Your child is 3 and will outgrow a proper bike id wait until he is older to get him a good bike

Can he not use your dds frog bike or is she still using it? I agree with getting a decent bike and that second hand is better. At that age they won’t notice and tbh it is so much better for the planet and your pocket. I don’t understand peoples snobbery about second hand, particularly for a bike.
If you and her think he would be excited about a character could you get stickers or a helmet with that on to go with?

Well I agree with you. We got a second hand frog and my DC as riding it in half an hour (progressed from balance bike). DC didn’t care or realise it was second hard.

Maybe say you want him to learn on a bike you know is easy and she can her him a character bike helmet? Of character bike when he’s outgrown frog/woom etc

try to be assertive if you can

If she insists on getting it I would store it away till he is confident on the bike you buy.

Both of mine had Isla bikes (2nd hand) and those (or similar) would always be my first choice but I can sort of see your mum’s point.
If he is good on a balance bike already it won’t be a hard transition to a normal bike and if he will love it because of the character I bet he’ll be motivated to ride it.
Lots of kids do just fine with heavy bikes.

Stop lettting your mum make parenting decisions.

This isn’t a big deal. Your kid, your choice.

What are you scared of? If she is going to kick off / sulk etc then you likely have wider issues to deal with regarding your toxic relationship

How much time does he spend at your mums? Does she do childcare?
It's it's plenty of time with granny, let her crack on, keeps it at hers. You get a decent one for home.
If it wouldn't get the use I'd do second hand and just say 'no thanks but could you get him helmet, arm pads etc' .

Point her towards good advice and suggest she look at recommended bikes? Childs Pedal Bike | Cycle Sprog

Have you thought about hiring a bike club bike?

You can get a much better quality bike (like Frog, Woom, Forme) and then just upsize in a year when he outgrows the first one.

Definitely worth getting a more expensive, lighter bike when they are learning to ride though - the cheaper character ones are heavy and clunky to use.

I bought my grandson a Paw Patrol bike when he was little. Big mistake, the pedals where plastic so his feet came off them, and the the wheels slipped constantly as there wasn’t enough grip on them. We ended up selling it and buy a proper bike which he learnt to ride on really quickly. My daughter is part of a scheme where she pays monthly and bikes are delivered then sent back when a bigger one is needed. They’re really good quality like Frog and a reconditioned every time they’re returned and delivered looking like new

Completely agree with your reasoning for getting a decent lightweight bike not a heavy character one. My daughter switched from confident on a balance bike to a pedal bike in literally about 10 minutes. Her cousin (who was far more confident than her on a balance bike) took over a year to get going on his pedal bike because a) it was very heavy and b) for some reason they put stabilisers on.

Let your mum get him a brand new character bike, he'll love it.

Completely agree with you. Both mine were on pedal bikes aged 3 (we hired frogs via the bike club) and I’m sure a decent lightweight bike contributed to that success. Since then we’ve had a range of bikes, mainly frogs, some rented, some bought secondhand, and for the past couple of years they have both had woom bikes - I think the wooms are amazing, so light, easy gears once they’re a couple of years older, super comfy for longer rides.

You’re right to focus on getting the right bike and as this is your child I’d find one yourself and tell her it’s a done deal. A well designed light bike is a must for this age; a heavy bike could put him off.

Same this!!

I would get the bike you want and say thanks mum he already has a bike now

How about decorating a Frog or similar with character stickers?

Thanks for all the replies, was not expecting so many.

Point taken: I need to put on my big girl pants and stand my ground on this one 😅 I think I'm just so used to trying to not rock the boat with my mum because I really do think it's coming from a place of love, with maybe a smidge of stubbornness.

To answer a few questions:

The character thing is neither here nor there really. Character stuff isn't my cup of tea but my mum's thing is getting the grandchildren all the character and gawdy things we don't buy, and it brings both sides happiness so I (and my brother who I know has similar feelings re: character clothing in particular) let it be. Even when it means DD wearing a hot pink dress covered in puppies every other day in summer 😅

The bike issue isn't that it's character related per se but that our experience with DD taught us that heavy, clunky bikes can lead to frustration because they're harder to ride than the lightweight bikes.

Whoever mentioned the Paw Patrol bike- that's the exact one she's looking at!

We passed on our DDs Frog on when she outgrew it. There's a four year age gap between them, I think it was a Frog 48 so wouldn't have fit him for another year or so and we don't have the space to store bikes we're not using.

DS absolutely adores his balance bike, he's on it almost every day at the moment and happily rides around the big bowl in the skate park (when it isn't full of big kids on their bikes!) It still fits him very well but he is very insistent he now wants pedals, so we definitely want to nurture that transition with a decent bike.

I think my mum is quite set on it because she's bought all the grandchildren their first or second proper bike. I could be overthinking it but I think it's because she never had a bike growing up and still isn't confident riding so made a point of ensuring we had bikes growing up- including getting us all at least one new one each as children, I remember going to the shop to choose and put a deposit on mine. I guess it's sort of become a thing now and I really do think it's coming from a place of love. I'd feel bad going completely behind her back and getting one when she's said she wants to get it.

She also made the point that me and my siblings all learned to ride on those sorts of bike which I can't argue with😅

Loving all the Islabike love- DD progressed onto a pre-loved Islabike Beinn when she outgrew her Frog. She rode almost 10k with ease earlier today accompanying me on my run! I don't think she could have managed that as easily on a clunky bike.

I'll check out the bike club again. We discounted it with DD because we figured with decent bikes holding their value it was better value to buy her a pre-loved one. But it could be a short term option for DS.

And no she doesn't do any child care. We live quite far apart so having a bike just for her house wouldn't make much sense either. I don't think she's seen either child riding their bikes in person for quite a while so if we could bring their bikes next time we visit her it could be a good way to demonstrate to her the benefit of good quality bikes 🤔

Anyway I'll go think of some way to diplomatically bring it up again. I will float the character accessories and stickers idea again, maybe send her some CycleSprog reviews or something, and stalk some second hand Wooms near to her to try win her around to the idea 🙈

We were passed a pink monstrosity (aka heavy bike shaped object) by family. DD was 4, but even so was unable to pull on the brakes. It also had stablisers. After a few attempts on it, we forked out for a (second hand) islabike. It still took about three months of us going out most days until DD got it, but she did.

We really needed DD to be able to ride well - our cargo bike was dying, and cycling is how we get around. The islabike was still less than many car seats, and DD spends more time on a bike than in a car - we saw it as an investment.