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Victims of crime

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Original poster

Should I report that I was raped as a child over 30 years ago?

50 replies

ThePartyArtist · 03/02/2025 22:06

For many years I've repressed or minimised this. I am just coming to terms with it all and see it for what it was. About 34 years ago (when I was age about 6) I was raped by another child (made to give him oral sex). He was older, about 12 I think.

I am currently having counselling with Rape Crisis and am starting to think about disclosing to my parents and possibly the police.

My parents still know him and live near him.

Please could anyone advise on whether there's any point me reporting to the police after I tell my parents. I know who he is and where he lives. But there's absolutely no evidence other than my account (which is quite hazy). There are no witnesses. I am unsure whether I'd be putting myself through trauma for nothing.

OP posts:
jellymaker · 03/02/2025 22:26

Yes OP. So sorry this happened to you. There will be other victims. I know someone who this happened to. She reported it like you nearly 30 years later. It turned out there were multiple victims who had the courage to come forward once that initial report was made. He is now serving time. Do it for yourself and all the other people around him. They never offend once. Have courage.

comedycentral · 03/02/2025 22:29

I'm so sorry this happened to you; how awful. Has a rape crisis center given you any advice? Where do you think you are in terms of processing what happened? (You say you are coming to terms with it.) Do you feel emotionally prepared and have support in place to disclose this to family members and the police? Ensure you put your own health and wellbeing first.

SerenStarEtoile · 03/02/2025 22:44

Hi OP

I am so, so sorry this happened to you.

If and when you are ready, only you can decide if you want to report. I imagine the crisis centre will be talking to you about what would be involved and how the process works. Once you have that information, you can make an informed choice. You might decide there’s little point or you might decide it would empower you.

He sounds quite young still, so I suppose one factor might be whether you think he is physically capable of continuing this behaviour. As someone else has said, there may be others in the past or future but you can only do what you feel comfortable with.

Well done for getting help and support. Look after yourself and sending love and hugs.

Original poster
ThePartyArtist · 04/02/2025 09:07

jellymaker · 03/02/2025 22:26

Yes OP. So sorry this happened to you. There will be other victims. I know someone who this happened to. She reported it like you nearly 30 years later. It turned out there were multiple victims who had the courage to come forward once that initial report was made. He is now serving time. Do it for yourself and all the other people around him. They never offend once. Have courage.

If there are other victims, how would they know about my report in order to come forward though?
Sorry I know this may be case specific but I am struggling to think straight about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThePartyArtist · 04/02/2025 09:08

SerenStarEtoile · 03/02/2025 22:44

Hi OP

I am so, so sorry this happened to you.

If and when you are ready, only you can decide if you want to report. I imagine the crisis centre will be talking to you about what would be involved and how the process works. Once you have that information, you can make an informed choice. You might decide there’s little point or you might decide it would empower you.

He sounds quite young still, so I suppose one factor might be whether you think he is physically capable of continuing this behaviour. As someone else has said, there may be others in the past or future but you can only do what you feel comfortable with.

Well done for getting help and support. Look after yourself and sending love and hugs.

Yes he is mid 40s now

OP posts:
Overthestar · 04/02/2025 09:49

Yes, say something. He may be continuing the abuse with others even today.

It could be that he was also abused, and there may be another, older abuser also abusing people today (his father, older brother, a family friend). You could be helping to end a lot of other abuse by speaking up. At the very least, others will be wary of leaving children with him.

Overthestar · 04/02/2025 09:51

And the people he abuses may then go on to become abusers of other children down the line. The sooner it stops the better.

unmemorableusername · 04/02/2025 10:48

Maybe other women & girls have reported him already?

It's good to give the police info.

Your case won't go to trial with no forensic evidence.

But his history may help other investigations or cases.

Whycanineverthinkofone · 04/02/2025 10:54

Yes op.

i recently saw a campaign to encourage people to report exactly this- not from any expectation of successful prosecution I don’t think, but so victims can get some relief telling someone, being listened to, making a formal report, being believed etc.

i would think there’ll be a side effect that if there were and serial abusers more victims would close the net, but I definitely got the impression it was more “get it off your chest” type of thing, for the victims benefit.

Billyblue47 · 04/02/2025 11:10

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I experience CSA and I haven't reported purely because I was so little I don't have a proper memory of the events. I was around 3. It's like a nightmare. Its very hazy. I don't really remember it more like I see it in my dreams. However, there are people that were told what happened at the time and other victims (8 of us in total). I always hoped someone who was older at the time and able to give a proper account would come forward.

@ThePartyArtist have you found rape crisis helpful?

Original poster
ThePartyArtist · 04/02/2025 11:26

@overthestar I see what you mean but also the thinking that it is my responsibility to stop future abuse / help others is something I'm hesitating over. As I don't feel that's my responsibility to bear. I'm very aware that reporting could be retraumatising for very little gain and I am hesitant to put myself through that.

OP posts:
MounjaroOnMyMind · 04/02/2025 11:46

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It must have been awful and so confusing.

You don't have to make a decision right now. Once you tell your parents then I imagine they will react in one of two ways: one would be to want an immediate police report, which you might not be ready for, and the other might be to say it's in the past now, I'm sure he's different nowadays, that sort of thing. I know my parents would never have wanted a police report and that would have possibly created more problems if I did want one.

What's your relationship like with your parents? Do they believe what you say usually? Mine would have always found a way to make something my fault.

TrumpWon2024 · 04/02/2025 11:51

What would you hope to gain? He was a minor, so even then he would have gotten away with a slap on the wrist. At this point he certainly can't be prosecuted for that.

curious79 · 04/02/2025 11:58

I wonder what the gain is here? For you very specifically? In the first instance he may just say 'that wasn't me' and go into denial, thereby upping the stakes and risking you being painted as a liar / fantasist - though outing it could be the closure you need? If I'm to be generous to him, he was also a child, and I know a fair few 12 yr old boys who did stupid experimental shit that really they knew was bad and is no reflection of the adult they've become. Maybe he has children, a family that will be shattered by this hazy recollection? I wonder whether going to the police first in the manner of 'this happened' without necessarily naming him and saying 'what would you do with this information?' could help you determine what next?

curious79 · 04/02/2025 12:00

ThePartyArtist · 04/02/2025 11:26

@overthestar I see what you mean but also the thinking that it is my responsibility to stop future abuse / help others is something I'm hesitating over. As I don't feel that's my responsibility to bear. I'm very aware that reporting could be retraumatising for very little gain and I am hesitant to put myself through that.

I don't think stopping others being abused should be your reason. First and foremost I really think it needs to be about what you hope to achieve from the process. Plus I'm suggesting go to the police first, in an informal capacity, not even your parents - it may upset them if you later find the police say there's nothing they can do about it all

AngryLikeHades · 04/02/2025 12:01

Similar happened to me and seeking out a sexual abuse charity for.guidance and support really helped me. They even offered me talking therapy that I took up and was really helpful.
Do whatever you think is best xxx

Vertigo2851 · 04/02/2025 12:04

That’s a significant age difference. He can be prosecuted.

Ohshutupcolinyoutwat · 04/02/2025 12:12

TrumpWon2024 · 04/02/2025 11:51

What would you hope to gain? He was a minor, so even then he would have gotten away with a slap on the wrist. At this point he certainly can't be prosecuted for that.

What if there are many others that have reported him for the same crime? What if he has children that he is abusing? Your post is utter nonsense.

Vertigo2851 · 04/02/2025 12:19

What would you hope to gain? He was a minor, so even then he would have gotten away with a slap on the wrist. At this point he certainly can't be prosecuted for that.

In the uk the age of criminal responsibility is 10. He would have been prosecuted at that time and he can still be prosecuted now for historic crimes.

nokidshere · 04/02/2025 12:25

Your case won't go to trial with no forensic evidence.

Not true. Someone I knew 50 yrs ago reported a similar incident a couple of years back. The boy who allegedly raped her was also a young teen at the time. 50yrs on and with no evidence he was convicted and sentenced to 13yrs. At the time of his arrest he was a father, grandfather, businessman, active member of his community

Overthestar · 04/02/2025 12:54

What if there was someone else who, had they come forward, you might never have been abused? Would you have wanted them to spare you the trauma?

It's not your responsibility to do anything, but it's a very good reason to consider telling the authorities about what happened if you're already considering it.

Jellycats4life · 04/02/2025 12:56

It’s easy for me to say “yes you should”.

If you think it would somehow give you peace and healing along the line, then I think you should.

TrumpWon2024 · 04/02/2025 13:07

nokidshere · 04/02/2025 12:25

Your case won't go to trial with no forensic evidence.

Not true. Someone I knew 50 yrs ago reported a similar incident a couple of years back. The boy who allegedly raped her was also a young teen at the time. 50yrs on and with no evidence he was convicted and sentenced to 13yrs. At the time of his arrest he was a father, grandfather, businessman, active member of his community

In Britain? I would hope not because that would mean we're living in a lawless society.

nokidshere · 04/02/2025 13:27

@TrumpWon2024 yes in England.

nokidshere · 04/02/2025 13:28

@TrumpWon2024 sorry that should have said with no forensic evidence in reply to the earlier post.