Should I report that I was raped as a child over 30 years ago?

[ThePartyArtist]

For many years I've repressed or minimised this. I am just coming to terms with it all and see it for what it was. About 34 years ago (when I was age about 6) I was raped by another child (made to give him oral sex). He was older, about 12 I think.

I am currently having counselling with Rape Crisis and am starting to think about disclosing to my parents and possibly the police.

My parents still know him and live near him.

Please could anyone advise on whether there's any point me reporting to the police after I tell my parents. I know who he is and where he lives. But there's absolutely no evidence other than my account (which is quite hazy). There are no witnesses. I am unsure whether I'd be putting myself through trauma for nothing.

literally nothing will happen. How could it after all this time. Proving sexual assault like this is next to impossible.

My niece was raped three years ago. She was 11. The perpetrator was a boy in her school who was 12. Nothing was done. There was no proof by the time she reported it. He denied it. He then followed her into the toilets at school and sexually assaulted her. He denied it again. The police said there was not enough evidence. Again nothing was done other than the school making sure she stayed near a teacher at break times!

Legally what happened to you would be classified as sexual assault rather than rape. Im sorry for what happened to you OP.

Oh OK. That does make a difference. Because I wouldn't want to live in a society where someone could be sentenced to 13 years based solely on what someone else claims happened 50 years ago.

And I say that as someone who was denied justice, when a violent attacker got away scot free for 'lack of evidence'.

Please be very mindful of giving factually incorrect information

Historical abuse cases are prosecuted without forensic evidence
I can't comment on this case but I would be careful about saying things that are incorrect

I wouldn't. I had an almost identical experience except that I was 9 and he was 16. I reported after finding out he now works with children and was told by police that historical rape is very hard to prosecute due to lack of evidence or witnesses and that it was almost certain nothing could be done. I chose to save myself the trauma and worked it through in therapy instead.

What a depressing thread. Rape and sexual assault is basically not a crime in this country / our justice system.

It is. We also don't convict without evidence. Would you want to see that change?

It doesn't need forensic evidence to go to trial, it would be he said she said. It's unlikely there'd be forensic evidence from a historical rape.

This simply isn’t true. Police and prosecutors take historical CSA very seriously these days. I’ve seen sentencing remarks recently in a case where a man who was a teen at the time was convicted and imprisoned for several years.

OP you’re not in any rush to make a decision. Carry on with your counselling and hopefully that will help you work through what you want to do.

Even if you report, you do not have to continue to support a prosecution if you don’t want to. You will be believed; if there is a lack of evidence that does not mean you are not believed.

In the OP's case the kid was 12.

To be honest, even if there was a way of prosecuting him and putting him in prison, I'd feel quite iffy about it. Kids sometimes do horrible things. They're young, and haven't really internalised the difference between right and wrong.

It's one thing to punish a kid for doing something egregious. Then you're teaching them a valuable lesson about action and consequence. But to come 30 years later, when they might be really wholesome human beings and punish them for wrongdoings before the even hit puberty, just doesn't sit right with me.

@TrumpWon2024 as others have said cases are prosecuted and long sentences issued for historic CSA in England, evidence can take a lot of other forms it doesn't have to be forensic. Each case is different and individual to its facts.

Just because he got away with it for 30 years absolutely does not mean he should not be punished now!

This thread - and your posts in particular - are rape culture writ large. Will nobody think of the poor rapists, having their ‘wholesome’ family lives ruined by being held to account.

And btw, a victim’s account is evidence.

It's not rape culture and stop being so disagreeable to anyone who disagrees with you. You don't know me or my history, nor do you know what abuses I've suffered.

I don't see a 12 year old kid growing up, becoming a decent human being who's horrified at what they did when they were 12, as 'getting away with it for 30 years'.

Perhaps at the time the did 'get away with it', but they're no longer that person. Then they weren't a fully formed human being with knowledge and understanding of right and wrong.

There must have been evidence of some sort to get a conviction. You can’t convict without evidence in the UK.

I spoke up after 35 years and bitterly regret it. It blew my extended family apart and I hated knowing that everyone knew what had happened. I had thought it would be freeing but it absolutely was the opposite. My wonderful therapist had very carefully gone over all the possible outcomes with me beforehand and did say that many women were shocked that they felt worse afterwards so that I had to choose very carefully. Forget those saying it’s about protecting other women as this is all about what you need .

Yes. He's out there somewhere.

It is rape culture to centre the man and excuse the behaviour.

And you have absolutely no idea whether he has grown up to be a law abiding man who has never offended again and is horrified.

12 year olds absolutely do know that raping a small child is wrong.

Actually it is rape - Rape Crisis defines it as such as it was penetration of my mouth using his penis. See rape crisis website.

It's correct a case would not go to trial without evidence, but the evidence can simply be the complainant's statement.

I would be really careful not to do something that ends up screwing your own life up further. I’ve sat on a jury - defendant was a rapist and sexual assaulter (different victims).

It was obvious this man was a fucking filthy abuser. But, the jury didn’t find guilty and the animal walks free. It took 5 years from the first complaint to get to court. And a couple of morons on the jury and everything’s trashed. How about a juror who
refuses to find anyone guilty because “there is no video evidence”. Or one who decides randomly that the victims (who don’t know eachother and who made complaints in different years) colluded to make the allegations. These people lacked any reasoning skills.

My point is, that if you can get yourself to a point where you can deal with what happened, it may actually be better for you personally not to report it, or to disclose it to your parents.

This is of course correct. But there are many people, who, as jurors, will not be “sure” this happened. And the op could end up further hurt.

I definitely wouldn't.
I think you will find the process of talking to the police infuriating and fruitless. It's not your job to protect others and I'm sorry people are suggesting it is. You have to prioritise yourself.

The decision is your and your alone.

This is an area where I have a lot of knowledge and experience of the current system.

Firstly, you can get support through a rape and sexual assault service - google and there will be a local one to you, you can self refer.

Secondly, if you report, which you can do on line or over the phone (initially 101) the police will take the details briefly over the phone then make an apportionment to see you and get details.

You can stop the process at any time (as in you will never be compelled to be a witness to your own sexual assault) if you wish to just notify the police and withdraw support for the investigation.

They will then do checks on him and safeguarding of any children etc.

If you choose to support an investigation they will do a video interview and may seek witnesses to whom you have talked about it to etc.

Take one step at a time and get support

You should think more about why you feel you want to report it? What is the motivation? Think through the consequences, etc. Please discuss with your counselor to get expert advice.

A neighbour of ours was r*ped many years ago by a local teenager (we were 45/15 at the time). She told a few of our group a few weeks afterwards. I hate to say it, but looking back we did not totally believe her, and I'm ashamed to say not very supportive. We were also somewhat scared as the boy in question was from a paramilitary family known for some very serious crimes (I lived/live in Northern Ireland).

Not that I'm back in my home areas, I've learned of several more very serious sexual assault allegations against this man, who is a prominent member of the community here. Our neighbour has reported about 2 years ago. But nothing has happened that I'm aware of.

Wishing you all the best OP. And my lack of support for the neighbour is something I think about from time to time, how awful I was at that age to ignore something so so serious. And how these people can commit such offenses and still be living here totally untouched!

(we were 14/15 at the time).