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Victims of crime

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Original poster

Any criminal solicitors or police can help here please

30 replies

Derisl · 06/09/2022 18:39

My ex had a drink problem and it got worse over covid. We had loads of rows as his temperament changed and he was often cold and offhand, paranoia, or just drinking to excess. During this time I threatened him that I would call police and his employer (he’s a paramedic) as I couldn’t cope with what was going on and how nasty he was. On one occasion a neighbour called the police and I didn’t admit to everything that was going on and just brushed it off as a row but he was taken into questioning. Anyway a few months later he got done for drink driving and things came to a head and the relationship ended a few months ago.

he’s been in touch wanting to see dc and said that he is tempted to report my threats to the police and take formal action. I’ve asked him why he would do this and he just says he has had time to think and he hates me for it. I am struggling to cope and worried all the time that the police will call.

OP posts:
Facecream · 06/09/2022 18:43

OP he’s just trying to scare you.
You didn’t call the police so what could he possibly report?
Your threats?
Personally Id expect that the police will see him for precisely what he is. I’d tell him to go ahead and report you and then you tell the police the truth.
Or, get one step ahead and tell the police the truth,
Dont live in fear. The police understand DV very well

Frequency · 06/09/2022 18:44

He wants to report you to the police for considering reporting his abusive and drunken behaviour towards you?

Good luck to him. I would love to be a fly on the wall when the police receive that call.

Redglitter · 06/09/2022 18:45

So he's planning to report you for threatening to report him about his drinking etc. Let him crack on.

He'll be told to stop wasting their time.

Ignore him

Ilovelindor · 06/09/2022 18:46

You did not commit any offences. You were 'threatening' to report a safeguarding concern regarding his drinking.

bloodyunicorns · 06/09/2022 18:46

He's a paramedic? Was he driving drunk at work??

Don't worry about him reporting you. What are the police going to do? Nothing.

Ilikewinter · 06/09/2022 18:47

100% he isnt going to call the police, what an absolute twat he is.
Dont love in fear of him OP that is exactly what he wants.

Original poster
Derisl · 06/09/2022 18:47

@Facecream @Frequency yeah he says it comes under threatening behaviour and he’s looked it up… I have gone back over my texts to him and they were exactly that. Me saying I would tell people about him and what he was like. So they were threatening that’s for sure. I remember at the time feeling so out of my depth, even when he was sober he was bloody awful to me and I felt trapped with him because of covid.

He never did anything physical and was careful that all his texts were perfectly pleasant. He also is top of his chain as a paramedic and I’m worried it makes him look really amazing although he still cant drive after a 3 year ban. I’m just scared. I wondered about going to police but I’ve been told IRL not to do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Derisl · 06/09/2022 18:48

@bloodyunicorns no it happened on a day off during covid when he shouldn’t have even been driving that far so it was all really frowned upon at work and took him ages to re establish himself at work. But he always comes out on top.

OP posts:
Original poster
Derisl · 06/09/2022 18:49

Ilikewinter · 06/09/2022 18:47

100% he isnt going to call the police, what an absolute twat he is.
Dont love in fear of him OP that is exactly what he wants.

@Ilikewinter hes really quite a hostile person though and I do worry what he’s capable of. And I did threaten him. That’s just a fact. It’s all in texts.

OP posts:
Sally7645 · 06/09/2022 18:50

Even if the police did investigate after an allegation of threatening behaviour, as soon as they looked into the history I guarantee there'd be no further action. He's just being a bully- ignore him.

Original poster
Derisl · 06/09/2022 18:52

Sally7645 · 06/09/2022 18:50

Even if the police did investigate after an allegation of threatening behaviour, as soon as they looked into the history I guarantee there'd be no further action. He's just being a bully- ignore him.

@Sally7645 a friend said this but at the same time what I did does ‘fit’ the crime so to speak. I did threaten him

dc isn’t well either at the moment in hospital which he knows and this stress is absolutely crushing me

OP posts:
Butterfly1066 · 06/09/2022 18:52

How long ago was the messages ? And they were just about reporting his bad behaviour ?

Hakunamatata91 · 06/09/2022 18:53

Where do you live? The law varies around the UK.

I deal with domestic cases daily in Scotland. Certainly here threatening to report his behaviour wouldn't come close to something that would be prosecuted. It sounds more likely that once the police investigate they would wind up prosecuting him. But if all that you've done is threaten to report his behaviour you don't have anything to worry about. Him threatening to report you when you've not done anything could be seen as abusive behaviour in itself.

Frequency · 06/09/2022 18:53

It would only be threatening behaviour if the threats were malicious. Warning/advising someone you are going to take action against them for safeguarding/abuse is not a threat unless you threatened to lie. He has a drink-driving ban so clearly has a drinking issue.

He's bullying you, OP. Just smile, nod, and move on with your life if he brings it up again.

Longdistance · 06/09/2022 18:54

He’s a paramedic? Drink driving? Wtf?

Not sure what he wants to report you for? If he is harassing you, that needs to be dealt with.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 06/09/2022 18:55

You threatened to report him for something which the courts have now decided was true, and have punished.
Dickhead.

Original poster
Derisl · 06/09/2022 19:00

@Butterfly1066 @Frequency the last of the messages was around 7 months ago so a while now but when I suspected he was drinking and right before we broke up. Obviously I’ve never had cause to say anything since and have only ever been in touch about dc

i don’t have all the messages as I have a new phone but I don’t think it was clear in them that it was reporting him it was more ‘if you can’t see what you’re doing then I am going to tell x, ‘ and one occasion that he keeps mentioning is when I said ‘either come over and stop being dysfunctional or I will tell the police everything.’ Which he says was me controlling him. This was the message I sent after he had been charged with drink driving and I was suspicious that he was still drinking … the aim of my message was to make sure he was in my presence as I just didn’t trust him. He has referred to that day of messages as ‘coercive control.’

OP posts:
lechatnoir · 06/09/2022 19:01

Please report him. He is a nasty bully who will be laughed out of the police station (assuming they don't want to take action against him). Please don't live in fear - take the upper hand, call 101 and see what they have to say. you aren't in immediate danger but can tell them his behaviour is escalating and you feel vulnerable and concerned about what steps he might take next.

Tigerstripes1 · 06/09/2022 19:03

Ahh the threats to get what he wants. Let him, the police will see what it really is. I'm very surprised he still has a job with a drink driving conviction. Especially one that ended with a 3 year ban???

OctopusBreath · 06/09/2022 19:03

He is being ridiculous.

Original poster
Derisl · 06/09/2022 19:04

I just feel he has all this ‘hard evidence’ in messages etc but I can’t prove what I was coping with day to day

OP posts:
Tigerstripes1 · 06/09/2022 19:04

Derisl · 06/09/2022 19:04

I just feel he has all this ‘hard evidence’ in messages etc but I can’t prove what I was coping with day to day

They will see what you were coping with by the fact he got done for drink driving.

Bookworm1988 · 06/09/2022 19:13

I highly doubt the police will take notice op, however can I ask how the texts were wrote? If for instance you said, “if you don’t stop I will report you” that is what is called a conditional threat and under them circumstances not usually a chargeable offence

Original poster
Derisl · 06/09/2022 19:18

@Bookworm1988 i have a new phone so can’t be certain but it was from memory things like ‘if you don’t stop this I will tell x’ or ‘if you don’t come back now (driving) I will call police.’

out of context they seem random and we’re mixed in with me being quite nasty swearing etc as I was at rock bottom.

I just can’t believe he would throw this in my face after how much I put up with and how I covered for him when a neighbour rang the police that time

OP posts:
EgonSpengler2020 · 06/09/2022 19:33

How are you communicating with him currently? Only communicate with him by recordable methods and refuse to engage if he tries to use non recordable communication.

Was his driving offence reported to the HCPC? When he was taken in and questioned by the police, was he cautioned? Was this reported to the HCPC?