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Original poster

Daughter’s friend being abused?

52 replies

IrishMary81 · 19/11/2020 11:26

Hi

Apologies if I have put this in the wrong thread.

My 9 year old daughter came home yesterday evening and told me about what her class mate told her about her home life.

The child in question is a 9 year old girl who is a close friend of my daughter. My daughter said that her friend told her that she walks in on her mom and dad having sex in the living room of her moms house all the time, the child said things to my daughter in relation to sex that a child would only know if they had witnessed it, as far as I know the parents have split up and the dad has another girlfriend who regularly see at the school with black eyes and covered in bruises, the child has said that the dad does hit his girlfriend when she “gets out of line”.

The child has also told my daughter that her father touches her to check for her period when he puts her to bed...to me that is sexual abuse.

This family have had social services involved before and the child is clearly neglected. She doesn’t have a school jumper in the winter, she has dirty nails, her hair is full of knots, and my daughter has said in the past that this girl stinks of wee, this child also has a packet of crisps as a meal.

This has been on my mind since last night and I don’t know what to do. I want to call social services but I’m worried that if the parents find out it was me they were will be issues for me and my children.

If anybody could give some advice I would so grateful, I want to help this child however I can.

Thanks

OP posts:
tealady · 19/11/2020 11:29

Please report for the sake of this poor child. Here is a link to the helpline and you do not need to say who you are

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/our-services/nspcc-helpline/

OverTheRainbow88 · 19/11/2020 11:29

Write down word for word what was said.

Phone the school ASAP and ask to speak to the safeguarding lead today.

Tell them everything that was said

madcatladyforever · 19/11/2020 11:32

Please report this, nobody needs to know you or your family were involved.
Everyone ignored my obvious abuse since the age of 3 including all of my school teachers and now I have complex PTSD. This should have been reported very early on, not ignored until I left home.
Ignoring it is as bad as turning a blind eye to the abuse of a child. This child is clearly desperate for help.

Bipbopbee · 19/11/2020 11:34

Report straight to the school as a matter of urgency. The school will most likely have paperwork about this child; with any luck there will be a stronger case for her to be placed in a safer home environment.

notapizzaeater · 19/11/2020 11:34

1000% phone the school safeguarding lead, that poor child 😢

Original poster
IrishMary81 · 19/11/2020 11:36

Thank you.

I’ve hardly slept last night worrying about the poor girl and what she is going through. My husband told me not to get involved, that it could be for attention but I can’t risk that.

I’ve been really concerned about reporting it because we live in the same area and my children are in the school and the father is just horrible.

OP posts:
Dazzband · 19/11/2020 11:37

Please, you must report this to the schools Safeguarding team or call your local social services. You cannot ignore this and do nothing with this information

xyzandabc · 19/11/2020 11:37

Phone school and speak to the safeguarding person today. Don't be put off by a receptionist saying they are not available, insist on speaking to them today with regards to an important safeguarding issue.

Just tell them what you're daughter has told you. Sound like they will already be aware of some home issues for this little girl but they will be able to escalate it if necessary. And probably quicker and more helpful than social services as they already know the child and they know exactly where the child is.

OverTheRainbow88 · 19/11/2020 11:39

It’s much better to report it and it be a made up story than to not report it and it be true.

Probably goes without saying but never ever let your DD do to that child’s house.

DangerMouse17 · 19/11/2020 11:43

Pls report this to the school and social services. That poor child needs help urgently.

Janeteapot · 19/11/2020 11:45

Just want to say thank you OP for helping to protect this poor child. If more people were like you the world would be a better place.

Billben · 19/11/2020 11:47

The child has also told my daughter that her father touches her to check for her period when he puts her to bed...to me that is sexual abuse.

😱 Jesus Christ! OP, ignore your husband’s “advice” and report it right away. You can’t know something like this and not do anything about it. It’s just morally wrong. Imagine if that was your DD.

ohbabyxox · 19/11/2020 11:49

You need to report it as soon as possible! No-one should be touching her to feel for her period that is clearly sexual abuse that he is disguising to his DD as she is too young to understand. No-one will know it's you. If anything the parents will think it's the school that have reported them.
Now that you know this information you need to report it.

pincertoe · 19/11/2020 12:08

Ring the school and ask to talk to the safeguarding lead. They can then refer urgently to the correct channel.

This girl needs protecting, don't worry about cone back, it will all be confidential.

Thatwentbadly · 19/11/2020 12:11

The girl is being sexual abused you must report.

You can ring social services (google your council name and child safeguarding), ring NSPCC helpline or ring the school and ask to speak urgently to the school safeguarding lead. Going direct social services is probably the best route.

DodgeRainClouds · 19/11/2020 12:14

I’m shocked that you would even question reporting this. What more does this child have to say?! Please report to social services.

Crazycatlady83 · 19/11/2020 12:19

If you are scared of this “horrible father” - you can safely bet this poor 9 year old is. Your husband sounds ridiculous - we must do all we can to protect the vulnerable in our community and that’s reporting concerns when we have them to the appropriate authorities.

3rdNamechange · 19/11/2020 12:21

How awful , I hope you've reported it.

Rollingdragon · 19/11/2020 12:30

As everyone else said, I hope you can report this to either social services or the school. This child sounds like she is in desperate need of help. If she was after attention I can't imagine why she would just be telling another 9 year old. It sounds very much like she was just talking about things she believes to be completely normal.

Heartbeat3 · 19/11/2020 12:47

Yes she is poor child. Please report asap

user1493413286 · 19/11/2020 12:50

I get that you’re worried about the fall out but could you live with the knowledge that you could of stopped this if you don’t do anything?

MorningNinja · 19/11/2020 12:51

I can't get over the attitude of your DH.

You know about this now so you have no other option than to report.

PerfectPenquins · 19/11/2020 12:54

There is something going on for the child to say any of those things. I would report to the school and also childrens services so I know I've done everything I can and hope she dosnt fall through the cracks. Poor child whatever is happening there are major issues.

scotsllb · 19/11/2020 13:01

Sorry op but to even have to ask whether to report this is beggars belief.
How awful of your husband to ignore it and say to keep out of it.
All you have to do is call the school and report what your daughter heard etc.
You are worried about the father as a grown woman what about the poor girl who is being abused

HelenUrth · 19/11/2020 13:01

What is wrong with your husband?!!!
A child saying things like this NEEDS urgent attention. One way or another.

I hope you have reported by now.