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Original poster

Daughter’s friend being abused?

52 replies

IrishMary81 · 19/11/2020 11:26

Hi

Apologies if I have put this in the wrong thread.

My 9 year old daughter came home yesterday evening and told me about what her class mate told her about her home life.

The child in question is a 9 year old girl who is a close friend of my daughter. My daughter said that her friend told her that she walks in on her mom and dad having sex in the living room of her moms house all the time, the child said things to my daughter in relation to sex that a child would only know if they had witnessed it, as far as I know the parents have split up and the dad has another girlfriend who regularly see at the school with black eyes and covered in bruises, the child has said that the dad does hit his girlfriend when she “gets out of line”.

The child has also told my daughter that her father touches her to check for her period when he puts her to bed...to me that is sexual abuse.

This family have had social services involved before and the child is clearly neglected. She doesn’t have a school jumper in the winter, she has dirty nails, her hair is full of knots, and my daughter has said in the past that this girl stinks of wee, this child also has a packet of crisps as a meal.

This has been on my mind since last night and I don’t know what to do. I want to call social services but I’m worried that if the parents find out it was me they were will be issues for me and my children.

If anybody could give some advice I would so grateful, I want to help this child however I can.

Thanks

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 19/11/2020 13:08

How dreadful for this poor girl.

OP I really feel for you and your own DD too but you have an obligation to report this ASAP to the school. Thank you for helping this vulnerable girl. Flowers

starray · 19/11/2020 13:16

"My husband told me not to get involved, that it could be for attention but I can’t risk that." I'm really quite shocked by your husband's attitude. You sound kind, but scared. Please be brave for this child. Imagine if it was your daughter in her shoes.

Her clothes stinking of wee and a bag of crisps for lunch isn't an 'attention seeking child'. That's hard evidence of a neglected child.

Elvesinquarantine · 19/11/2020 13:19

When my dd disclosed her friend was being physically abused I rang school as I didn't have enough details for ss.. Ss did visit. They girl sadly wasn't allowed to see my dd again. No regrets though. No backlash from her family.

Littleposh · 19/11/2020 13:27

What 'issues' could possibly be worse than a child being sexually abused by her father??!!

Send me the details, I'll happily report it

EvilPea · 19/11/2020 13:31

The poor little bean.
If these are the things she’s told your daughter what hell is day to day.

Reporting is the only thing to do. Make sure your daughter is supported it will be a struggle for her to make sense of it as well.

Yaty · 19/11/2020 13:34

I cant believe you would even consider not reporting this. She is a 9 year old child who is seemingly being sexually abused by her father, christ sake just report it now!

lurker69 · 19/11/2020 13:49

Either way you look at it there is something very wrong! IF she was making it up there's something very wrong in her life to tell lies like that. I don't think she is though OP because its a very specific thing for a 9 year old to say. I would report it, it sounds like the child needs someone fighting her corner.

Papergirl1968 · 19/11/2020 14:08

In my view people who know of or suspect child abuse but do nothing about it are almost as bad as actual abusers.
It is NOT for you or your DH to decide this child might be attention seeking. And as for you not wanting any backlash from the family, you really need to grow a pair.
I hope by now you’ve done the decent thing and reported.

Kittykat93 · 19/11/2020 14:14

Your husband is completely spineless and a coward. How awful to ignore a little girl who is clearly being abused in multiple ways. Can't believe you even have to ask what to do, the mind boggles. Report!!! Obviously!!!

Crappyfridays7 · 19/11/2020 14:16

There’s nothing worse than can happen to you for reporting than seems to already be happening to this child now....it’s your responsibility as an adult with this information to pass it to the correct people.

However I appreciate it’s not an easy thing to hear about a child. children like your daughters friend rely on people like you standing up and speaking up for them...this could be why she told your daughter and it’s not for your husband to decide if it’s for attention - I mean who says something like that in relation to something like this! Would make me wonder a bit about him tbh....
Get on the phone, pass on what your daughter told you and do it today.

sushinelove · 19/11/2020 14:16

I struggle to understand why you wouldn't report this. You have a daughter the same age, I'm actually horrified you haven't already reported it. That poor child

2bazookas · 19/11/2020 14:36

Straight to police and report a father "checking his 9 yr old at bedtime to see if she has her period". In other words he's doing something entirely inappropriate to her vagina and quite likely, has told her she's "having her period" to explain why she is bleeding vaginally after rape.

Mention the bruises on his GF, neglect of child.

Then inform school what your child told you.

PLEASE don't delay.

Newwayofthinking · 19/11/2020 14:41

Please please report xx

Original poster
IrishMary81 · 19/11/2020 16:39

Hi All

Thank you so much for your responses and your all thinking the same I as I am and the same as I was last night.

I’ve spoken to the safeguarding lead at the school...after a battle with the receptionist but eventually finally got to speak with her and told her everything. I have also contacted social services as well, just in case she falls through the cracks of the system at school and the last thing this poor girl needs is to fall through the cracks because of Covid. I’m still considering contacting the police, the more I think about this the more angry I get.

I know my husband is an idiot lol, just wants to bury his head in the sand. As a mother and a normal human being I couldn’t live with myself knowing that this could be happening to a child. My DD has been round their house in the past...it sickens me.

It might be a made story, it might not but these kind of claims need to be investigated. I’ve now got my daughter asking if her dad is going to start checking for her period...this cannot be normalised.

It may come out that I reported them but I’ve got to help this little girl any way I can.

OP posts:
Mischance · 19/11/2020 16:46

Well done OP - the right decision.

happytoday73 · 19/11/2020 16:56

Well done OP. Its not easy to do but I'm so glad you've done the right thing to help her. Hopefully things will get better

bearlyactive · 19/11/2020 16:58

Well done OP, you did the right thing

OverTheRainbow88 · 19/11/2020 16:58

I’m glad you did that OP, and spoke out for the girl. You may have just changed her life for the better.

Wigglegiggle0520 · 19/11/2020 16:58

Thank you OP. That poor poor girl.

Elvesinquarantine · 19/11/2020 17:17

Well done op. I have no regrets I reported abuse. Passing the buck is not an option in these instances.

caringcarer · 19/11/2020 18:40

Ring your local council and ask for child protection. That poor poor girl.neefs urgent help to help her escape her evil father. Do not worry. What you tell them will be investigated and they will not reveal who reported the information. They well speak to the child at school when she is away from her parents so she does not feel pressured to deny it. If her clothing is dirty and smelly, does not have a jumper in winter and her hair always knotted this is evidence of neglect. I am surprised the school have not raised this up to SS. What she said about her father checking her for her periods beggars belief, also smelling of wee are signs of sexual abuse. This poor child probably does not realise it is abnormal. Help to save her OP. Your dh should be ashamed of himself that he would encourage you to ignore this poor child's plea for help.

DrizzleandDamp · 19/11/2020 18:46

Good OP you now need to urgently speak to your own DD about what is and isn’t appropriate touching, she can’t be left with the impression that’s ok. She needs the PANTS talk and even possibly a talk about periods. She’s 9 she’s old enough, my 6yr old knows the basics and my 8yo.

I’m saying nothing about the fact I am shocked at the level of self regarding prickness of your husband. Not reporting that would be sick.

Papergirl1968 · 19/11/2020 18:53

I really hope this is treated so urgently that the child was not allowed to return home from school. This is a case potentially so serious that she should be immediately placed into foster care while an investigation takes place.

Papergirl1968 · 19/11/2020 18:55

(Of course social services wouldn’t usually do that on the word of one person in case they were acting maliciously but school must have some concerns as well.)

BlueThistles · 27/11/2020 00:48

well done OP ... you absolutely did the right thing for this Child 🌺