I witnessed a domestic violence incident and didn't do anything

[Ifeelsickk]

I can't stop thinking about last night. I recently moved to a new area and the house is on an estate.

DP and I went for a walk. Had heard neighbours arguing all evening, when we were out of the house it sounded as though he was hitting her down a different street. They were both drunk and screaming abuse at each other. Things about betrayal and no food in the house and run back to mummy then.

She then limped down the street slowly. After a couple of minutes he came out of nowhere and dragged her back to their house, first by the arm, then the neck.

Then it was quiet.

I didn't intervene. I didn't shout. I didn't call the police, although I tried to call 101. That got me nowhere so I filled out a form on the police website. I'm actually struggling to recall the details, I think my mind is trying to block it out.

There was a neighbour in an upstairs flat watching the whole thing as well. Who knows how many other people saw and heard it all go on.

This is how women are murdered by their partners all the time, isn't it? People just stand by and watch. I always thought I'd be the type to intervene, call the police, record the incident, etc etc. But no, I just stood there, rooted on the spot

That poor bloody woman.

Got to put yourself first. You did report it. You also don’t know if others did. Sounds like it isn’t the first time either. Poor woman

You never know how you will act in a situation until your in it, you've tried contacting the police, there wasn't much more you could do. I would keep pursuing the police if you feel like you aren't getting anywhere though. It's a serious incident and she needs help. If you remember the house you could give the details to the police.

Your partner was also there? He also watched her being dragged by the neck?

I think it's encumbant on you both to continue with the police, to report the attack you witnessed.

Bluntness100

Your partner was also there? He also watched her being dragged by the neck?

Yes, he was there too. I think he was equally shocked.

I reported as many details as I could. The neighbours have CCTV outside their front door, I'm hoping they might have caught something on film?

I think I’d have called 999, that sounds like a ‘crime is currently being committed’ situation, rather than a 101 non-emergency

The problem with intervening is you run the risk of getting the shit kicked out of you as well.

You did report it though OP. Maybe try 999 next time?

Remember that case of that black woman in America who was stabbed repeatedly, ran screaming for help, he caught her stabbed her more and she died. The neighbours all said the next day that they saw it and heard it but didn't feel the need to call anyone. One neighbour did go downstairs and held her as she died, but she didn't need to die if someone had acted.
I read some really interesting studies on this and it's so so common. People do not intervene and help women when it's a man attacking them. It's a subcobcisous thing. Woman attacked by man in our brains means a woman is being shouted at by her husband, and people don't want to get involved. They do call the police when it's 2 men. It's interesting; you should read up on it to understand why.

And next time, you should act.

I'm amazed that you did nothing, it's a pretty shitty thing to do.
What are you hoping to gain from this thread? I don't think anyone will come along and tell you it's fine.

Call 999. Someone is committing a crime. They can prioritise their response. At least it's reported quickly.

Who didn't you call 999? That's shocking.

I would've called emergency, not non emergency. He dragged her by the neck. How is an attack on someone a non emergency? Please follow it up with the police.
I've called the police on someone in my street before for domestic violence. They've been out a few times to the same house and from what I know now she's moved out. He was arrested eventually.

I would've called emergency, not non emergency. He dragged her by the neck. How is an attack on someone a non emergency?

^This. Why wouldn’t you have rang 999? This is just bizarre

You did report it though and whilst it would have been more effective to call 999 our brains don’t always work right when in shock.

Also don’t forget fight, flight or freeze. Sounds like you had the latter. That’s ok.

When I was 17 a girl at my school who’s father was a minister went “hey! Stop hitting her!” when she saw some guy laying into his other half in town at about 6pm one day.

That’s all he said and BOTH man and woman leapt on him and threw him down about 100 stone steps to the municipal gardens below.

It’s a miracle he didn’t die. They were junkies, scrapping after several bottles of White Lightning and he bore the terrible consequences of trying to stop a situation that anyone would see as wrong.

Sadly he just happened to intervene with Mr and Mrs Feral and nearly lost his life.

TL/DR: Don’t assume that every incident welcomes intervention but always (discreetly) intervene if it’s safe to do so.

End of massive story.

You reported it. From the safety of my sofa and hindsight I think 999 would have been better than 101, but you did do something.

You and your partner being safe was important too so I certainly wouldn't have stepped in

She didn't need to intervene. She just needed to call 999. There was an attack in progress. Why would anyone call a non emergency number whilst watching an attack in progress?

It is a common thing for bystanders not to act or call for help, especially when women are being attacked by men. People don't call. But they should. The OP called a non emergency number and then filled out a form online... its baffling that she actually acted, but in a totally useless way. An attack in progress is an emergency. You call 999.

Please don't beat yourself up, as others have said you don't know what you will do until you're in that situation. Next time ring 999 as it was in progress.

Unless you feel you can safely intervene then don't (except my calling police). You don't help the situation by getting hurt yourself.

I have read a few people on here saying that someone intervened when they were being abused and it made things worse as the abuser would then claim it was the victim's fault for drawing attention. What I'm saying is that helping directly is not always the right thing to do. So please don't feel bad for not intervening and just make a plan that if you ever see something again then you'll call 999. And keep yourself safe.

Have you seen her this morning? It's not too late to report this. She could be in the flat injured for all you know.

I agree though, you should have called at the time, this was clearly physical violence going on, it wouldn't have got you involved directly. Filling in a form on a police website isn't going to get much immediate attention.

And well done for calling the police. Not everyone does and it is a help.

She didn't need to intervene. She just needed to call 999. There was an attack in progress. Why would anyone call a non emergency number whilst watching an attack in progress?

Fight, flight or freeze. The latter was obviously the OPs reaction as I read it.

People don’t call. But they should

Of course. But if you see someone on the attack you risk it being turned on you IF you’re in their eyeline, seen “grassing” or “sticking your nose in”.

Calling 101 and filling in a form isn’t “totally useless” per se. It doesn’t help stop the attack in progress but you don’t know what’s in the police database against some guy matching this fella’s description.

Berating the OP for not calling 999 as “useless” or “standing by” isn’t right as unless you HAVE been confronted with seeing an attack in progress you don’t know HOW you’d react - you don’t.

And now the OP is being eaten away with guilt as she knows 999 would have been the “right” thing but was paralysed to do it.

Ifeelsickk next time dial 999 as soon as you safely can, don't get involved. My DN is a police officer and is currently recovering from serious injury after going to a 'domestic' incident. Do not feel guilty, you have reported it.

My mums friend called the police when her neighbour was being attacked by her husband. The couple then made her life such hell she had no choice but to move out.

I've rung 999 before for this and I would again, but it's not without consequences and problems. I rang 999 because I thought the man downstairs was being attacked by a stranger. Turns out it was his (male) partner. He came and shouted through my letterbox to stay out of his problems. They were both quite scary people, I moved soon after that.

Why on earth didn't you call 999 if you had the wherewithal to call 101. Not sure why you were rooted in shock at seeing someone dragged by the neck? Had you seen someone bludgeoned in front of you the shock I could understand. Why didn't your partner do anything?

You shouldn't have intervened but one of you should have rung 999. I am shocked that you didn't.

Jesus fuck. When you see someone being assualted or even hear them, its your DUTY to call the police. What if he had killed her. I hope someone helps you quicker if ever somebody is beating you.

Ive had to call the police in situations like this at last 3 times.

Hopefully she's ok. What if someone was attacking you or your child? Wouldn't you want a stranger to call the police? I'd contact the police and get them to check if she's ok or not.

How horrible. I am glad you reported it.