Glen Hansard has died

[SomersetBrie]

Very sad to read this today. A very talented musician. May he rest in peace.

RTE News

Actually I know a fair bit, working alongside court cases involving grooming of young kids and teens. I've had the evidence of actual grooming on my desk. Yes you have to be careful of a kid's crush, but you actually don't know that he wasn't. No one discussing this seems to have any actual evidence of his behaviour toward her while she was a child, whether untoward or above board. It's actions that make for grooming, not the presence of "feelings" - whether the 13yo crush or the later adult feelings for an older teenager. Did he exploit her feelings and age? The fact is we don't know. We have very little detail of any of this, certainly no evidence of any crimes being committed, which is why I'm loathe to call it grooming. Especially when the "victim" has never called it that and clearly has the ability to do so should she think of it as such - not that she owes that to anyone, least of all the citizens of the internet.

Imagine how awful all this speculation is for her, especially if she does have mixed feelings about the relationship or was abused in some way. The internet in a way is perpetuating any such abuse in basically removing her agency to have this conversation in the public eye. I find it gross, especially because I do know some victims of grooming and paedophilia and they would absolutely hate this.

Basically - let her tell the story. Not randomers on the internet who think they know everything about it but in reality know very little.

It’s not unusual for an adult mentor to work with a teenager - think sports coaches etc …. maybe their friendship was based on him seeing and nurturing a spark of musical genius he saw in her? I saw them together at The Festival Hall in London last year touring and performing their latest collaboration together. I cried it was so intense and beautiful. I can accept that these mentor / collaborator relationships can be problematic.

@Boppydoodah @Kirys

Again, in his own words:

"I had been falling in love with her for a long time, but I kept telling myself she's just a kid."

As for Marketa's view, her retaining a friendship with him doesn't somehow make his relationship with her in her teens appropriate. On this very site women post every single day about relationships with partners and family members that are abusive/inappropriate/toxic, but they don't recognise that because it's their normal. It's actually very difficult to come to terms with the reality, and many people simply can't or don't want to.

In his own words he said he used to stay at the family home - he didn’t not see her between the ages of 13 and 18.
In her words she “fell in love” with him at 13.

I think we can all agree that a normal decent man would have stayed away. All the men I know would have run a mile.

Why didn’t he?

Half my high school was in love with our gym teacher - he didn't quit his job or refuse to coach the girls (and probably a few gay guys too). Crushes happen all the time - it's normal to be careful and not encourage it. It's not normal or reasonable for the crushed-on person to have to "run a mile" instead of just controlling their own behaviour. Heck I live in a small town, people would literally have to move away in that scenario.

She had a crush; we have no evidence he was inappropriate toward her or took advantage of her. Feelings are just feelings. It's actions that matter, actions make the crime.

MI describes the relationship here when she was 20. She has her own daughter now who is 12/13 which may in time help her reflect that it was inappropriate, grooming, abusive, or neutral or mentoring, collaborative, encouraging etc.

https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/falling-slowly-1.994031

*The way Irglová tells it, the relationship was inevitable. "I have to say I'd always been fascinated by him and felt a strong connection. When I was younger I knew it couldn't happen, so I put it away . . . I did have feelings for him, strong friendship feelings; it was out of the question that anything would have happened then, I wouldn't have gone there."

She says they felt something changing during the making of the film. "It was the longest period of time we had spent together up until then. After that we went our own ways and came together to publicise the film and that was when it felt like now might be a good time. Everything happened really naturally and organically, just getting to know each other."*

Not exactly a smoking gun there. She liked him, he was drawn to her; both say nothing happened until the publicity tour when she was an adult.

Convenient excuse, or a lie to cover up abuse? Maybe. But just as possible is it happening exactly as they both said. Both have stated it would have been inappropriate when she was younger, both stated they didn't act on anything, both have stated this is the point of transition from friendship/mentorship to romance.

Grooming usually has much more purposeful and overt behaviours than simply being in each other's orbit every now and then, mutual admiration or the presence of a crush. Maybe those behaviours existed in this relationship, but I haven't seen any evidence of it so far. Again none of us know enough to call it grooming or abuse.

Have to say it does sound a bit noncey. He obviously liked younger women as he never seemed to have gone with anyone his own age..however he hasn't done anything illegal and it seems he had the families blessings. He has done so much for the homeless charities, I think he was definitely a good person.
Dermot Kennedy, amongst others had great things to say about him.

Same, such a beautiful song.

I posted on this a week ago when.the news broke, just popped in to have a read and I am quite horrified at some of the posts. Unless you know something specific you have absolutely no right to defame a person on a public forum based on your own speculation.

How is it defamation to talk about things that are publicly known, and that the man himself has said in interviews?

I'm horrified by this thread too, but in a different way.

You know very well he didn't do an interview where he called himself a paedophile and said that he groomed his partner. That's what's been said here.

This is a really wonderful radio interview in US of GH & MI re Once in 2007. Some magical anecdotes that could only happen in Dublin. It’s about 30 mins long.