Adult ‘kids’ living at home?

[Stuporwoman]

My grown up son and his wife moved in with us after being away for a couple of years. It was supposed to be a very short term arrangement but two years later, they are still here with no possibility of them leaving soon. They both have jobs (public sector, not very well paid) and are saving for a deposit but they can’t keep up with house price rises and cannot find anywhere suitable to rent. We have a spacious house, they contribute and they are generally quite respectful but sometimes I feel frustrated as it isn’t how I envisaged my life after raising children. I’m aware that we are lucky to be able to offer them space with a housing crisis raging but I do feel a bit encroached upon and worry about the future. I feel it’s a too much of a first world problem to complain about but I worry about my lack of agency in this situation. When it’s your own children you still feel a sense of obligation to help but I just wish there was a better solution. Has anyone else found them in similar situations and if so, what steps did you take to preserve your sanity? Thanks

I think there are so many people out there like OP that are too nice or embarrassed to admit they want the kids out. My eldest is 18 and we are discussing this recently, will I really have 3 twenty or thirty something adults living with me? Its utterly depressing and I don't see it changing.

I know many people who lived at home in early 2000s and argued 'but I can't afford to rent' while getting expensive cosmetic procedures and eating brunch every weekend, taxis home on a Sat night. In contrast I saved for my deposit while renting and I literally gave up everything to save, then sat on €10 plastic garden chairs for months to save for a couch. But it's genuinely different now, there are literally no properties to rent. I work with many young people and they are at home with parents and commuting for long distances, often with siblings there too. They are living frugal lives and can't save enough to buy, can't rent, can't ever break the cycle and it causes immense stress. A young woman recently told me that her best shot at life now is meeting a high earning man because that's the only way to change things, she said this ashamed because this is not who she wants to be. It's just really difficult where I live right now, really awful.

A young woman recently told me that her best shot at life now is meeting a high earning man because that's the only way to change things,

Why cannot she be a high earning woman?

Yes it is difficult to buy.

Yes, young people have higher expectations than earlier generations.

Therefore, expectations need to be lowered. Work hard (a 2nd job or extra hours whilst saving), rent at first and postpone having a family until you have a stable home. Nothing to do with morals but making wise decisions at the right time in life.

Is there an underlying reason that you seem to begrudge them? The housing market is fudged, it’s a shambles. And just because you say it’s not how you imagined later life. Please remember tyoubnevr know what’s around the corner. If you’re DH/Partner passed and tou found yourself alone im siure you would feel differently. Think about the bigger picture here, you won’t be fit and independent forever

I don’t begrudge them at all. Far from it, I feel sorry for them. And no, there are no underlying reasons - just a very overlying frustration that the expectation of an independent home for a working, adult couple is so far out of reach.