Differences in wedding traditions - help

[Northernlurker]

Dd is getting married next year. The groom's family and many friends are from NI.

What do I need to know? Are there any significant wedding tradition differences?

There seems to be a reluctance to have evening guests (which is fair enough if they've travelled a long way) so far. What else will turn up.....

Well, if it's anything like my wedding, the English guests will be politely saying their goodbyes and heading home before midnight. The Irish guests will be just getting going. There'll be Irish dancing, the night will finally end with a singalong at about 4am, and it will be absolutely brilliant.

I should have said, very religious types - Protestant. Very sociable though - do Irish weddings never stop if bride and bridegroom leave then?

Well, ours kept going! Not sure about NI protestant weddings, DH's family are RC and from Ireland. We got married in England so for half the guests an Irish wedding was a very different experience. We didn't have just evening guests, everyone came for the whole thing.

@Northernlurker

I should have said, very religious types - Protestant. Very sociable though - do Irish weddings never stop if bride and bridegroom leave then?

The stereotype is that there wont be enough alcohol. Bring yr own wine!

Food
I am English married to NI
Food isn't good if it isn't HOT
A wedding in England with cold food is still spoken about

@17to35 a wedding with a buffet for the main meal is still spoken about in my family . The horror of it 😀😀😀

If you don't want to be spoken about for evermore then, no cold food, no evening guests, no exclusion of children, and no wearing of white/ cream by guests.

Irish weddings stop for no-one save the Irish National Anthem in my experience. They always go til 4am and are amazing!

Echo all the potential pitfalls above - also there is an expectation that there will be drinks between the ceremony and reception (often in a pub which always seems odd to me but definitely happens! I remember telling people in no uncertain terms that THERE WOULD BE ALCOHOL AT THE RECEPTION VENUE so that we didn't lose half the party!

No evening guests, chips and bacon butties at midnight, long speeches and music til as late as your venue allows. God I miss the wedding age! :-)

I think there’s a bit of confusion going on here. I think the OP is asking about wedding norms in religious NI Protestant communities, which might well be very different to a ‘standard’ Irish wedding either side of the border — I was at an Armagh Methodist wedding years ago and it was teetotal and very quiet, for instance. (Not suggesting this is in any way representative, incidentally — I don’t know.)

What denomination are they OP? If they are Free P or Baptist or similar you may be in for a dry day, very much at odds with the (proper!) Irish weddings being talked about above…

It’s not an Irish wedding if the groom is from NI

@AgentProvocateur

It’s not an Irish wedding if the groom is from NI

The groom may hold an Irish passport and identify as Irish — I know NI Protestants who do.

I've been to one very religious NI Protestant wedding and it had a dry bar and lots of (amazing) traybakes at the evening do. I had an evening invite as it was a colleague's wedding but we didn't have far to travel.

I went to the colleague's parent's funeral and there wasn't any music, just psalms sung by the congregation but I don't know if that's a funeral tradition or a religious one.

Yes, if they’re very religious NI Protestants I’d hazard a guess that some of the guests would expect a dry wedding, or at least a very modest amount of alcohol.

Depends on the denomination and how strict they are though. We had a Protestant wedding and the bar ran out of drink so it’s not a given.

Another thing is that people are less po-faced about giving money instead of a “proper” gift- £/€50-100 in a card and job done.

Watch the wedding episode of Derry Girls. No wedding is complete without Rock The Boat

My cousin is married to a NI Presbytarian. She grew up in NI but converted from RC for the wedding —scandal—. Highlights of the wedding were the many, many traybakes and cakes arranged by the lovely ladies of the church in the church hall after the service. Lovely reception afterwards, zero alcohol, home by midnight.

Thanks this is great! I had picked up on the hot food, no buffet thing. Wasn't sure if it was just the (lovely) groom but clearly a systemic thing
We will be 'semi dry.' There will be a bar for people to buy their own but we are not serving alcohol.
Seems like best compromise and majority of guests will expect that. I will be briefing the drinkers in my family and friends anybody who may be surprised.

but we are not serving alcohol.

What, none at all? 😮

Even at reception after the ceremony or wine during the meal? Or for the toast.

That sounds awful & really mean. At an 'Irish' wedding that would go down really badly. I'd imagine N Ireland guests would be surprised too.

An NI Protestant religious type wedding will be nothing like the hoolies described in this thread.
There won't be Irish dancing or a sing song. The guests will likely leave earlier than the English guests.

You aren't serving a post-ceremony drink or any wine at all with the meal?

@AgentProvocateur

It’s not an Irish wedding if the groom is from NI

Don't be so daft. If he's not a Presbyterian then it will be gas craic

It was 30 years ago, but I married a NI religious guy.
They wanted a church wedding but very plain, nothing with a hint of Catholicism like fancy decorations or too much stained glass.
We had a buffet but it was hot food and older guests had someone fix them a plate.
Tea was, of course, available throughout.
We didn't have an evening do, and everyone was very happy to go back to their hotel rooms and have another cup of tea before an early night.
They wanted a wedding list well in avoidance and then donated money to pay for selected items.

Not sure how much of this is just DH's family, or more common.

@Northernlurker

Thanks this is great! I had picked up on the hot food, no buffet thing. Wasn't sure if it was just the (lovely) groom but clearly a systemic thing We will be 'semi dry.' There will be a bar for people to buy their own but we are not serving alcohol. Seems like best compromise and majority of guests will expect that. I will be briefing the drinkers in my family and friends anybody who may be surprised.

How bizarre Make sure they you put it in the invitations and explain why

What is the reason?

@yacketyyak take that back! I'm Presbyterian and my wedding to Catholic DH was great craic.

The only really jarring moment of cultural clash was when his great aunt saw the TV at the front of the church and asked when the racing was on. You wouldn't TV's in her church

@yacketyyak

An NI Protestant religious type wedding will be nothing like the hoolies described in this thread. There won't be Irish dancing or a sing song. The guests will likely leave earlier than the English guests.

Well it depends on the denomination doesn’t it?

Religious Church of Ireland - could still be as described above.

But if they’re religious Methodist, Baptist or Free Presbyterian, then yeah, there’s a very good chance it’ll be dry.

I’ve never been to a dry wedding though- I don’t know anyone who would relish the thought of the long service and hanging about at the reception without the attraction of the big party afterwards!