I'm beginning to think I can't stay in Ireland

[Cveg]

I know Covid will have made everywhere awful, but I moved here from Asia in 2019. I chose my location carefully a place I knew well. Honestly 2 years on, I hate the place I live and I feel like if I stay too much longer I will start to hate Ireland too. Its become so depressing and inward-looking. Noone can ever say anything at all to question NPHET, the government or any local public servants, some of whom have become like local overlords. I used to love it here (visited many many times and felt welcome) but now it feels like the place is telling me to go away. All you get on TV is stupid obsequious programmes like The Late Late and all this enforced collectivisation "WE're ALL x, WE're ALL y".
I'm so unhappy

Hello @Cveg You sound really homesick, and when you feel that way you can only see the negatives. I honestly think what you're describing is common in all countries in the western world. We've all become very inward looking. Are you stuck in Ireland or are you able to move? Can you visit your home country? That may help to crystallise your feelings.

Thanks Clean. I am from the UK originally and of Irish origin but have lived in many places. I always thought I would settle here but I don't think I've ever felt as out of place anywhere as I do here. I used to combat depression through travelling but it seems now you're not allowed to miss travel, Ireland has become so depressing and it feels like the country hates me.

Are you feeling depressed now OP? Are you able to get some help for that?

I am depressed and looking into CBT. Honestly I feel like I am imprisoned on this island

I'm sorry OP. To be honest, I'm not sure you'd be feeling that different elsewhere. I have Australian friends who haven't been in Australia, but are hoping to get back, and they have described really struggling in conversations with friends and family who are 100% wedded to the idea that Australia keeping their borders closed indefinitely is the best thing to do, and Australian citizens who didn't come back in March 2020 should just suffer their own mistakes.

Similarly you can see on here there's a lot of division in families in the UK where some people don't want to go outside and others want to ignore all the government guidelines.

I'm in Ireland and certainly haven't experienced things as you have. My circles and very relieved things are changing, there was a fair bit of exasperation with how long he vaccine roll-out is taking. A lot of people I know have breaks abroad planned for July/August. I actually appreciated the 'we're all in this together' rhetoric at the start, but I think from before Christmas there was a big shift. I don't personally watch the late late show, but I can understand the public broadcaster pushing a certain pro-public health narrative. Equally, it can be hard to criticise public services when your'e not from somewhere, and possibly people feel they don't want to slag the country off to you as a newcomer so you may be getting a skewed perspective.

When will you get a vaccine? Would some form of travel help? Its difficult I think - its possibly the worst time to be an ex-pat/immigrant in a new country, anywhere. I would like to think in the summer lots of things will open up that will make meeting new people easier.

How were things for you before Covid? Did you feel like you made a mistake then?

Well, in the nicest possible way, what is it you want? More public dissent? For the recovery from a pandemic to be 'less depressing'? Television you approve of?

I moved to Ireland from England at the very end of 2019 and while it was a crappy time to move anywhere, and it's been a really difficult 18 months or so the job I moved for didn't happen due to Covid, apart from anything else, and a house purchase fell through for unrelated reasons I'm committed to here now and just having to deal with things. If you don't have the same commitment, maybe you should think about moving on again if living where you're living is making you so unhappy?

I anticipate being vaccinated by 1 August. As soon as restrictions on travel are removed I will be going abroad, and depending on how I feel I may put my house on the market too. I take the point about I'd perhaps have hated it elsewhere too. I have one friend here and they have lived here for years but they have also been made to feel a complete outsider and left to rot with depression. They will likely leave this year too. It's so sad for me, I used to love Ireland.

I have one friend here and they have lived here for years but they have also been made to feel a complete outsider and left to rot with depression.

But I don't understand what you feel should have happened, or that you think would have happened elsewhere. You'd moved countries to somewhere you hadn't previously lived shortly before a global pandemic shut down society to a large extent, and made many people perhaps particularly those without longterm links to and long-established friendship networks where they lived feel isolated and disconnected. I can imagine it felt miserably isolating, but surely not all that surprising. And I don't get what not liking the Late Late Show or wanting more questioning of NPHET has to do with it, but presumably just an extreme version of getting to grips with a new country warts and all, in a pandemic situation?

It's the fact that the place pretends to be all welcoming to outsiders and open minded and "we are all watching out for each other" but the reality is different. As for The Late Late it kind of symbolises this "shur aren't the government doing their best" mentality. The fixation with grandparents and grandchildren and everyone else can go hang, Tony Holohan is uncriticisable and here are some pictures of cakes so nobody complain now.

Whereabouts have you moved to? What were your plans for when you moved there - were you planning to work, volunteer, get involved in local groups - did you have a specific plan or were you just playing it by ear?

You thought you knew Ireland and it turns out that being of "Irish origin" and having spent time there (on holidays?) was not at all the same thing as living there! If you moved there from Asia it will represent a huge cultural change and unfortunately with COVID you couldn't have chosen a worse time to move in terms of making friends or settling down. Ireland does have one of the strictest lockdowns and there is a high degree of compliance (combined with a rather slow rollout of the vaccine) so you have some time to wait until you can move more freely or travel.

I think you would have been better to rent before jumping into buying and that applies to any major move really but now that you have invested I think your choice is to either give it a bit more time and wait for things to open up so you can properly experience life there (but you probably need to commit to at least another year) or cut your losses and move as soon as you can.

Living in Ireland is different to visiting, and it seems to be a shock to natives of other English speaking countries the most.
It's a small, Catholic flavored, family focused population and can be very insular.
But there are significant plus sides to that too. It's not for everyone, including all the millions of Irish who live abroad!

Crikey, OP, I moved to Ireland (from the UK) in 1999 and would never leave - I love it here, and everyone has been really welcoming - I've made some great friends over the years. We don't have a telly, so perhaps I'm missing the stuff you're experiencing, but I'd much rather have been here during Covid than back kin the UK, where everyone seems to have spent their time twitching their curtains and disapproving of people who didn't clap for the NHS! I'm out in the west - whereabouts are you?

Why did you leave the UK and Asia?
Sometimes when a person isn't happy they think it's the location causing the unhappiness but then they move and they still don't find what they are looking for.
I hope you can find somewhere you feel happy if Ireland doesn't work out for you.

@unfortunateevents

Whereabouts have you moved to? What were your plans for when you moved there - were you planning to work, volunteer, get involved in local groups - did you have a specific plan or were you just playing it by ear?

You thought you knew Ireland and it turns out that being of "Irish origin" and having spent time there (on holidays?) was not at all the same thing as living there! If you moved there from Asia it will represent a huge cultural change and unfortunately with COVID you couldn't have chosen a worse time to move in terms of making friends or settling down. Ireland does have one of the strictest lockdowns and there is a high degree of compliance (combined with a rather slow rollout of the vaccine) so you have some time to wait until you can move more freely or travel.

I think you would have been better to rent before jumping into buying and that applies to any major move really but now that you have invested I think your choice is to either give it a bit more time and wait for things to open up so you can properly experience life there (but you probably need to commit to at least another year) or cut your losses and move as soon as you can.

Firstly I'd rather not be more specific than saying it is in a village location in rural Ireland approximately an hour from Cork City. My plans were to work (which I did and was then laid off) plus to volunteer and get involved. I became involved with 2 groups which then went online and fell apart through people arguing. As for the comment about thinking I knew Ireland, and that this was due to having holidayed there and been of Irish origin, I don't agree with this. I have lived in Ireland previously albeit in Dublin a few years ago. I am well aware having been in a gee places that it takes time to get to know a place. There is an argument for saying that actually I know the area quite well now. The rose tinted spectacles have gone and I've seen the petty squabbles, the oneupmanship, the obsession with who has bought what house, the way things are not faced up to but allowed to fester and simmer. As for buying I'm glad I bought as renting would have been vastly note expensive. The house can be let instantly or sold relatively quickly, and were I renting I would be tied into a contract.

It is true that Ireland has had one of the harshest and longest lockdowns, with a very high degree of compliance. I'm quite surprised that I'm not sure if I even detect that much desire to exit restrictions but I clearly don't understand people here so that is probably wrong.

There is a reason young people in Ireland migrate to the cities (or abroad).
You couldn't pay me to live in the places my parents grew up in. It is all begrugery, insane social competitiveness and backstabbing.
But we are all being very Irish about lockdown, we understand why it is necessary and at the same time many are quietly breaking all the rules to suit themselves.

@turkeyboots

There is a reason young people in Ireland migrate to the cities (or abroad). You couldn't pay me to live in the places my parents grew up in. It is all begrugery, insane social competitiveness and backstabbing. But we are all being very Irish about lockdown, we understand why it is necessary and at the same time many are quietly breaking all the rules to suit themselves.

Don't young people in Ireland migrate to cities and abroad for education and job opportunities though? Like young people everywhere. I wouldn't say that's a peculiarly Irish thing. I live in a small place in Ireland. I'm not from here originally but have been here for over 10 years. I haven't noticed any backstabbing and not any begrudgery that I can think of.

Ah look, living in Dublin in the past and now in a rural village location are not comparable. Neither one is better or worse but having done one does not prepare you for the other.

Living anywhere pre pandemic and living there through the pandemic ... not comparable. Everyone I know has hated where they live for some part of the pandemic, precisely because we have all been trapped.

As for the Late Late Show, don't bloody watch it. Aside from the Toy Show I haven't seen it since I lived with my parents (over 35 years ago). It isn't compulsory and it quite frankly doesn't matter at any level at all.

I'm not trying to convince you to stay or go. You sound miserable. If you've a diagnosis of depression and are getting help then maybe you'll see things differently. Or maybe you are living in the wrong place for you. Rather than trying to frame it as an "Ireland problem" maybe just see it as a wrong decision and move on (in every way).

Living in Dublin & living rurally during a pandemic are completely different

@Cveg

It's the fact that the place pretends to be all welcoming to outsiders and open minded and "we are all watching out for each other" but the reality is different. As for The Late Late it kind of symbolises this "shur aren't the government doing their best" mentality. The fixation with grandparents and grandchildren and everyone else can go hang, Tony Holohan is uncriticisable and here are some pictures of cakes so nobody complain now.

Well stop watching the bloody Late Late for a start. I haven’t watched it in years. However I think what you’ve written here is a fair assessment and I do feel for you.

Life is too short to be stuck somewhere being miserable. Do what you need to do.

It’s not obligatory to watch the Late Late. I can’t imagine including a tv show in a list of reasons why I don’t like a country.

I’m a bit confused about your pal with depression who was ‘left to rot’. What do you mean?

The LLS does symbolise a particular attitude though, I understand exactly what the OP is getting at there. I cannot stand Turbridy’s po faced sanctimonious voice of the nation schtick, the misery porn masquerading as Friday entertainment. I said in work that I just don’t watch the misery on RTE anymore, there was a stony silence and then someone asked who had watched the Primetime on Covid, everyone should be made to watch it. I said something similar on a thread on here and I was accused of being a Brit. Anyways, this is a v hard time to have moved to Ireland. My DH keeps looking a big houses in the country but I have zero interest in moving to rural Ireland.

A stony silence when you said you don’t watch the LLS? Ah come off it. I’ve never experienced that sort of attitude. Even my 95 year granny no longer watches it. You’d swears it was compulsory the way people are going on here. The Prime Time Covid specials were good though,

The mention of the Late Late really seems to have riled some people up. I know everyone will be having a very different experience but living here and being an outsider has been a bleak experience

I totally get the Late Late thing. Sometimes it's a flavour of what things have become. I don't watch Claire Byrne or the Late Late or any of those programmes.
What I would say is I would move away. It can be great here in Ireland but it can be in ward looking and depressing at times.