How should couples split household costs when one earns twice as much?

[ourSusie]

How do people arrange their finances once they move in together, to a rented house, one earning exactly twice the other, both with good well paid jobs.
To have a joint pot for standing orders for paying utilities, to buy food, pay for repairs, household stuff, we put in half each. Is this fair. Is one subsidising the other.
Your thoughts please.

DH earns five times what I do. For over 25 years he pays five times more into the joint pot for all bills, childcare etc. The remainder of our salaries is for us to spend or save as we wish. No need to run anything by each other. There absolutely is his and hers money - he’s a spender, I’m a saver.

we pool our resources into a joint account and all bills and savings comes out of that and we share everything. It’s our money. Not his and hers. Cause we are a family.

but in the very early days we did a proportional share

one of us earns far more than the other.

Until we bought a house together and got married we paid half each regardless of earnings. It was still cheaper for the lower paid person than living alone anyway. Now we put all expenditure and savings on a spreadsheet , earnings at the top and split whatever is left 50/50 so we get the same disposable income.

I’m not sure why posters are responding with what they do when they have children. As that is obviously a totally different scenario to pre-kids as per the op, as it’s not that normal to both do exactly the same amount of childcare.

If you were a man earning double and making your wife pay half you’d be called financially abusive on here…

It depends on the level of cost involved. OH and I chose to live within the limits of the lower earner so we always paid 50:50 for mortgage, bills etc. In the beginning he earned a lot more than me but I could still easily afford 50%. I think if you chose to rent or buy somewhere that is more expensive then that needs to be done with the agreement that the higher earner pays more.

Talk about this sharing of money thing a lot with our kids and others. We must be a real exception to managing money, since getting married, both of our wages were paid into a single joint account and it was and to this day still is, our money, we don’t pay a percentage or one more than the other based on personal income , it’s just all ours

When we first moved in together DH and I were in this position. So I paid 2/3rds of rent and bills and he paid 1/3 into a joint account which all the direct debits came out of. When kids came along we just went to one pot for earnings, savings and nearly all our costs with a little bit (equal ) of "personal spends".

doyou know, I felt that forefinger digging in to my chest
I never said there were no ‘kids’.

exactly “why should one partner subsidise the other?”
if one is earning 700£ a month and one is earning 1400£ a month
yet both putting in the same amount
then the lesser able is subsidising the more able (at 1400£)

married

Oh and we had a frank conversation about this where I promised never ever to play the money card - equal decision making power regardless of the split. And we've stuck with that.

We did it that way to afford more/better than we could paying 50/50.

Yes, married, does that make a difference

We pool all money together, have joint savings etc, and just give ourselves a personal spending money allowance. My husband earns about 80% more than me and always has tbh. But I’ve helped him get to this stage, taught him how to manage money (he’s terrible at it), helped him get out of his overdraft in his younger years, helped him get jobs etc and we’re very much a team (and we’re now married with kids, we’ve been together since a young age). I personally don’t think any other way of doing it is fair if especially if you have children and I don’t really think one spouse should have more spending money and therefore a better lifestyle when you’re supposed to be equals. But I appreciate some people want to keep their independence and don’t feel comfortable doing it this way etc.

Each put in a what they earn. It’s a family not a business.

We’re married and I earn a lot more (about 4-5 times more). I pay 80% of our joint expenses, which includes family savings, and DH pays 20%. We put that into a joint pot and then keep the rest.

It leaves us both with a similar amount of disposable income that we don’t have to run past the other. I do see the logic of totally mixed finances but also I want the freedom to eg splash out on a present for my mum or my friends without running it past DH.

There is no “should” other than, if you are financially compatible the answer “should” be easy to work out together.

For us, everything goes into family pot regardless of who earns what. I am the bigger earner but we are equals.

I wouldn’t accept it any other way especially after witnessing how my dad had the spending power/final decision making in my parents marriage and the effect it had on my mum.

If you are only just moving in together, no kids, no legal ties then it’s fine to do 50/50 with household bills and each person pays their own personal bills. Obviously the higher earner needs to be aware of the lower earners budget when choosing things like where to live, holidays etc.

Later you may want to switch to more proportional or have all
money be household money, especially if you have kids.

We pay everything into the common pot, pay the bills, and then take an equal amount out for ourselves.

Paying by percentage always leaves one party at a disadvantage.

We contribute to a joint account with different % based on our take home pay. So higher earner still keeps more money which is fair in my opinion

Do you have kids and are you married?
if not, then you either do 5050 but live at the poor persons budget in terms of size of home, frequency of eating out etc (like friends) or the richer one pays more. When my ex boyfriend earned more than me he paid about 25% more rent, when I earned more than my ex I paid nearly everything.
if you are married with one pot then don’t keep track.
if someone is earning less to benefit the family eg child care or chores etc then definitley all one pot

Joint account and put in 30:60, one third lower paid two thirds higher paid and enough in total to cover all bills.

If you're happy with this then obviously it's fine. But it does mean your DH has far more personal spending money than you.

Pay in a percentage of income into joint account for bills etc, and have equal individual spending money.

That's how it's always worked for us. But it fors depending on the relationship - if you're newly cohabiting it's very different to married with kids.

kept finances like housemates until married. Paid half the rent, half the bills etc. higher paid person might buy more treats etc. once married- everything in one pot.

We are married and all of our wages just go into one pot. I can’t imagine it any other way but we’ve been together 25 years.