Fed up of struggling financially

[povertymum]

Anyone else in the same boat? I am on my knees struggling, I am single mother of 1 and I have absolutely no help at all. Me and my son’s father split up 4 months ago and we haven’t seen him since , I had to leave my job due to no childcare options. I’ve just put my child to bed and now I’m sat worrying , really anxious about upcoming bills and how I’m going to put food into his mouth. It’s an absolute awful feeling. I have £9 in the bank and £0 cash this is supposed to last me one week. I need electric and food. I have no family I can ask, I am not eligible for loans etc. it’s just rubbish.

anyone else severely struggling? I don’t know how I’m struggling so much I buy absolutely nothing for myself.

I’m really sorry you’re in this position. Your baby won’t know it’s Christmas maybe wrap up a teddy they already have or have a look online like the toy appeal give presents to children or have a look as churches tend to donate gifts. I hope things get better for you and ignore the ignorant comments of some people you are doing your best as long as your baby is safe and loved you are doing a great job

I mean, if OP is already claiming everything she is entitled to and doing what she can to pursue the father for maintenance then the only other option available to her to improve the position is to work, so I can see why it's being suggested that this is her focus.

Everyone is saying that because this is an emergency situation and because working when you have a 2 year old baby and no childcare is not possible.

Hopefully OP can stop using benefits when she has childcare sorted and some time to find a job, and hopefully that job will get them both into a much better financial situation - of course everyone would like to see that. But this is what our social security safety net is for - to protect children like her two year old from going cold and hungry in these exact situations. Honestly!

Of course it's galling that our benefits system seems primarily to exist because of feckless men who fail to provide for their own children. It's enraging. But I don't blame the OP for that. She needs support not judgement

If she is having as little as £9 in the bank, I just don't see how it would be financially possible for her to move even if it is better for her long term, if she physically can't afford it then what can she do? She may be able to get help with a deposit for a rental house but if she is in social housing and the rent is double the cost, how is she going to afford that? She likely won't instantly get a job either.

I'd much rather a loop where my child is securely homed than an insecure housing loop which may mean regularly moving house if not ending up in temporary accommodation and still struggling financially anyway. Especially as I said, if the rent is much more expensive.

Do you know how expensive childcare is?

The biggest mistake OP made was giving up work in the first place.
When you are employed its much easier to do things like pass checks for a rental, access loans/credit.

I'm never quite believing when people say there is literally NO childcare available - the birthrate in the UK has been falling in the past few years.
Ive never known anyone who WANTED to work who couldnt find childcare and ive known people to live in extremely rural areas. And OP presumably did have childcare as they worked before.

As others have commented the OP isnt managing now. She doesnt even have money for food /energy costs so unless shes expecting people to pm her and send money what other option is there except work?!

We don't know if the rent would definitely be a lot more expensive. She could move up north if she lives down south to a cheaper area with more services and opportunities. Secure housing that is essentially trapping you in an inappropriate area isn't worth sacrificing your future for. You seem to have a very gloomy view of her prospects and assume that relying on the state is her only real option.

She could apply for a Discretionary Housing Payment to fund the move.

Because it is often the reality of living in a rental property. It is expensive, unsecure and you end up moving around a lot which again, comes at a cost which can be unaffordable to many

I doubt that a Discretionary Housing Payment would fund an entire move up north if she lives down south plus any deposit she may need or some landlords want 6 months rent in advance if the tenant is on benefits/a low income.

I don't think I have a gloomy view, I just don't think money will come out of thin air to either fund a big move up north and/or afford deposits and private rent plus potentially multiple house moves due to how insecure private rentals can be when she currently only has £9 in the bank.

Hello everyone,

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon.

Because finding a job will be no help to OP feeding herself and her child this week. Her present situation needs solving first, and only then can she begin to plan for the future to change her situation.

But the whole point is that she would be moving so that she can work and therefore will have more money in the future. She isn't stuck perpetually with £9 in the bank account which is what you are advocating for. Life might be more expensive but she will have more money and options to work with.

I don't mean to be rude but are you on benefits by any chance yourself? You seem to have a mindset that is very fixed on benefits and social housing being the best for everyone irrespective of where the house happens to be and the future this offers to people. Of course the here and now is important and you can't do the impossible, but the inertia and helplessness suggested by some is really worrying.

You can't rent a house up North cheaply. Prices are £1000 plus. A house on my street is £1500 no where posh either. I don't know why people suggest that... people have been doing that now private rents are high all over. Gone are the days where North was cheap it hasn't been since covid!

Well, exactly. You can't do the impossible and that is my point, it might be better for the future but that is no good if you can't afford to get to that point and that is what some people don't seem to understand.

I am on benefits but haven't always been. Like OP, my life suddenly fell apart one day due to circumstances out of my control which included losing my job.

Have you ever been through something like that, especially with a child? Experienced the insecurity of private renting, again with a child? I don't mean to be rude either but I find that those who haven't seem to have magic solutions that aren't actually solutions in reality because with £9 in the bank, the now is more important because you simply have to survive and that often means missing out on what would be a better future because again,if you don't have the money, you simply don't have the money.

your child doesn't need toys. He needs you, security, food in his stomach and a roof over his head.
Your ex partner needs to get his arse in gear, either take the cold so you can work or contribute towards daycare costs.

I think everyone understands this but ultimately the fact that she has £9 left now is what has happened despite not moving. She basically can't afford not to work. You are asking her to do the impossible.

The job is the critical issue here. It is the only option really in the short, medium and long term.

I have rented with children. It was fine. Not every landlord is unreasonable and not every area has sky high rents. Some definitely do though and this is why a big move could pay off.

Yet a big move with £9 in the bank isn't asking for the impossible? I still don't understand how that can happen because a Discretionary Housing Payment isn't going to fund all of that, they would help with a deposit or some rent in advance but they are not going to fund someone relocating up north and help with a deposit or some rent in advance.

As pp said as well, private rentals have soared in price everywhere, even up north.

Sadly she can’t make him do either of those things.

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Whilst I agree that sorting out a job and childcare and getting maintenance sorted out are a priority. I would add that looking at side hustles might help.

There is a make £10 a day thread on here, ideas on money saving expert and have a look for the fun money club on Facebook or instagram.

Apparently the csa can help find absentee fathers

https://resolution.org.uk/looking-for-help/parents-children-the-law/child-maintenance/#:~:text=The%20CMS%20can%3A,they%20don't%20want%20contact

DHP can cover a lot of the moving costs. OP would need to ask her Council about how much they would offer but I wouldn't write off the idea completely without even trying.

The average weekly rent for social housing in London is more than the average weekly rent of private rentals in the North East. There is still a hell of a lot of variance regionally in rental prices. If she wanted to stay more locally she could look into a house exchange so that she could retain Social Housing but access childcare. It's also completely possible she is in an expensive private rental in London or the South East in which case moving areas would save a lot of money and she wouldn't be losing out on any housing security.

It is definitely possible that she's already in a private rental but then it's also possible that she already lives up north. I'm not sure she will come back to clarify after some of the unnecessary comments (not yours).

Sorry you’re struggling op but your child at 2 doesn’t understand what Christmas is about so don’t worry about toys.
Im glad you were able to get food sorted.

Try London and childcare for 2 kids when one has SEN.

I can send you a little bit of money to help with food? I dont know how to send you a DM on here, but maybe we can work something out?