My partner (32) and I (29) currently live in Surrey in the South East. He is born and bred here and his mum, siblings, grandparents and friends all live here. He has never lived further away than 30 minutes down the road. I am a military brat and moved around every 2 years as a child. My parents have since retired and now live in the North West, where they are from, with the rest of my extended family. I lived with them for 4 years as a late teen. I ended up in Surrey due to uni and stayed for a job but likely would have moved back to the NW a few years ago if I hadn’t met my partner unexpectedly. My friends are dotted all over the country. Partner and I have recently had a baby who was somewhat of a wonderful surprise.
In the past few years the SE has become completely unaffordable to live for normal working people. We both have decent jobs but still are out-priced with property. Currently we live in a tiny cottage through partner’s work and pay below market rate but we have outgrown it. Before DD we would have been able to afford to rent elsewhere had anything happened to this property but now with DD and the ridiculous cost of childcare (even with govt support) we’d only be able to rent a small 1-bed flat at best in the same area. We both want more children but simply cannot afford either to house more or to have them cared for here. We would (and will) be very much living month to month with very little left over. Whilst I aim to move up in my profession, this will be gradual and the salary increase not significant enough to impact what we can afford here probably for a few decades!
We both share the same goal to own a property and get on the housing ladder as soon as possible. We met with a mortgage adviser a few weeks ago who essentially told us we couldn’t afford to buy in the South East and, with our deposit and income/childcare, we’d be looking at buying a max of £200k comfortably.
My opinion is that we should make the move up North near my family, so we would at least have some kind of familiarity and support. The housing prices are significantly cheaper and we could easily afford a lovely 3-bed family starter home and have money left over each month to save for a holiday, go out for meals, visit the south east etc. I can do my job from anywhere in the country. My partner is self-employed but can easily set himself up in the NW. My parents own a second home they rent out which we could live in for cheap rent whilst we are getting ourselves sorted. As well as the NW giving us a better life, I also feel we should be giving our DD a better opportunity for her future instead of staying here and putting her in the same position we are currently in. We could move elsewhere that is not as far from SE but my partner and I are both massive introverts and don’t make friends easily so I think it’s important to be somewhere with pre-existing support. I also think that once it’s over an hour, it doesn’t matter if you’re 2 or 5 hours away as you still need to plan to visit in the same way especially with children.
Understandably, my partner is terrified of leaving and moving away from this area. He actually said he was ‘petrified’ last week. He goes back and forward with the idea but ultimately I know won’t do anything unless he is pushed. Whilst I completely appreciate his fears of leaving behind his family and friends, I am a bit disappointed he is only looking at this and not fully appreciating what is best for his own family’s future (me and DD). I feel we are worth more than what we can get here. Ultimately we simply do not have a very promising future here and will just be stuck in the tiny cottage we both hate and unable to buy or have any more children. I have very strong relationships with my family and friends who are all long distance (arguably stronger) so am living proof that the distance will not end any relationships he currently has.
I have tried to discuss it with him to take next steps but haven’t got anywhere although he has made concessions that we would be better off up North. I don’t know what to do to move forwards with this and also am now doubting whether I’m being unreasonable by even suggesting a move up to the NW. It doesn’t help that his mum is not overly supportive (last week she said if she ever came into any money she wouldn’t give us any towards a property if it meant we would leave her). His mum has been in council housing and had support as a single mother all her life so doesn’t really understand our predicament. My parents just want me/us to be happy.
I know that this is not an issue only impacting us and I do think it’s very sad that people like my partner are priced out of the area they grew up in and where their families live. My partners friends who have bought in this area have all had financial assistance and those who have not likely will also need to move once they start having families etc.
So two questions..
- AIBU to suggest/want to move up North?
- If not, how can I try to move things forwards with my partner?