I got caught shoplifting

[RoseBiscuitll]

I really didn't know what topic to choose for this

I'm mortified, I got caught shoplifting in boots today, I was stealing baby milk and a facial moisturiser. I'm so ashamed of myself. It was in the city center aswell. They didn't call police but they took my details, took a picture and told me I can't return to the store again

Will this picture and my details go around to the other shops near by or will it just go to the other boots shops.

I can't believe I was stupid enough to do this! I'm so embarrassed and also feel really guiltily!

Please use entitledto.co.uk to make sure you are getting all the benefits you are entitled too. Yes, you have done wrong but i am sure you won't do it again.

I'm a single mum, my childs father very rarely contributes, some weeks I get somthing off him, but most weeks I don't
No I can't go threw child maintenence as he works cash in hand.

It's unacceptable for him not to pay regularly towards his child, clearly he thinks that it's your problem that the child needs supporting, so let it be his problem he works cash in hand and if he gets reported then it'll screw his little scheme up. Your child is entitled to support, they have 2 parents, one isn't pulling their weight and you and potentially the child are suffering for that. His work situation is not your problem, your problem is your shared child needs feeding and alone you are understandably struggling with that.

I obviously can't work as I have a small baby, and couldn't afford child care. Its hard

Are you getting everything you are entitled to? You may be entitled to free hours and childcare through UC if you do work, depending on how old the baby is?

And the thing is, I did have money for the milk, but I just thought that money could go on somthkng else like food and the milk I could steal

Are you regularly going without food or essentials yourself to afford the food and essentials for the baby? It's not uncommon unfortunately, I did it myself 20 years ago and times have got tougher since then. Again, food banks, health visitor, go, local charities etc can all help with that.

As for the moisturer, that was just greed I guess. Another thing I needed but didn't have the spare money for

Nicely, unless you have a skin complaint that's painful etc, you didn't need the moisturiser, I appreciate it was a moment of "Fuck it" because of the position you seem to be in, it's bloody miserable and something like a tube of moisturiser can make you feel a bit better, but you know it was wrong, you've been caught and hopefully that's the end of actions like that for you now.

Please do seek some help OP, you don't have to live this way.

You've got to be pretty desperate to gee yourself up to steal formula).

Still feel that way after reading the OP's update that they did have the money to pay for the formula @Galiana ?

Im tell you mumnetters something is not quite right with this.
And please don't go sending money via PayPal.
Im not being a bitch im going with my gut.

Ideally next time buy the baby milk first and then the food as you can manage without so much food. Not ideal but better than a criminal record.I am guessing you haven't applied for the healthy start card?

The father needs to work within the law and declare his earnings. Not get work on the black market.

That's the real issue here. That he's not paying for his child.

You can report him anon to HMRC and they will chase him for tax etc.
He also needs to pay NI as long term he won't get any pension.

I saw a middle class looking woman getting caught in M&S a few weeks ago. It was upsetting to see.

And the moisturiser?

This isn't uncommon people think a certain type of person shoplifts and they are so far of the reality. People are unbelievable they just have no morals if it's not nailed down their taking it, it's very rare people steal through true desperation

I'm getting all the benefits I'm entitled to, and as for milk vouchers, l nowadays you get £34 on a prepaid card. That isn't even a tin a week. My childs on 2 tins a week as much as it helps out it doesn't cover all my babys milk for the month

This doesn’t negate the desperation. It’s not the ‘gotcha’ moment posters think it is.

Have you gone through the correct channels to get CMS?

What's done is done, there's no point beating yourself up about it further.

It's not to pay for all your child's food it's to pay towards it you do have to provide somethings yourself for your own child

Go after your child's father for maintenance. It doesn't matter that he is paid cash in hand - he will still have to pay. What a scumbag - just be glad you are not stuck with him as a DP.
There's another thread on MN about pensioners losing fuel allowances, with som posters opining they don't need the money and also that benefits are high. Most could not live on £700 a month. You have my utter sympathy @RoseBiscuitll - but shoplifting is not the answer. Most on here have suggested food banks, and that's a good idea. But chase the father of your child - he should not get away scot-free.

Why don't you report the father?
He's earning but not declaring it. Avoiding tax.
As you have no relationship with him anyway, what's to lose?

You should also contact an agency like Step Change that will help you manage your budgeting.

There are many many single parents who don't work but they don't need to steal formula milk.

You need help to live within the money you're getting.
It should be enough as not all single parents shoplift.

Did you know if you start a new job UC and the jobcentre will pay the childcare costs upfront? Something to consider.

Hello everyone,

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. We strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon. We've compiled some useful links posted by Mumsnetters into a financial issues webguide, so that people experiencing difficulties can find all the relevant information in one place - we hope that it's useful for you.

What on earth tin of baby formula are you buying that costs over £34 ain't they like a tenner

Lots of good advice about where to get baby milk.
I’m sorry you were desperate enough to steal. You have my sympathy. Let the guilt go, it serves no one, least of all you.

You don’t seem like a terrible person. You did wrong but everyone is guilty of at least one wrong. You know you were out of order, you feel terrible that’s punishment enough. Move on. Btw I’m sorry life is hard.

@Miffylou once a person is at the stage where they are desperate enough to steal milk for a child, they are also at the point where a tube of cheap moisturiser seems neither here nor there. They have committed a wrong act, it is very common with something like this to not view it as two acts of theft but a tiny increment. The psychology behind it is incredibly complex. Like I said, I'd far rather be found a fool than to lack empathy.

She doesn't have another source of income apart from benefits and the child's father only occasionally pays maintenance - and she doesn't think it worth pursuing him (which is a little foolish, but I understand why). Do read her posts.
I am also astounded that £34 does not cover enough baby milk for an infant. How much is this stuff? Just checked and Aptimil is £11.20 for 800grms. Not sure how long that will last a baby, nor how old OP's baby is.
My brothers were both fed National Dried Milk, afaik, in the late 50/60s (I got Cow and Gate - parents better off, I assume) and this was provided by the Department of Health to all infants, at cost, I think (anyway, not free). It looks very much as if we need a two-pronged attack re infant feeding here.
First, promote breastfeeding (it's probably not cheaper but you don't have to keep going out to buy formula at least, or faff around with bottles, sterilising etc.).
Second, go back to the DofH providing at-cost baby milk to all mothers. You would not have to buy it thus, but those on low incomes would be assured of a constant, good supply for their babies (if they were not breastfeeding, obv). We could have health clinics that mothers attended where the at-cost milk could be purchased, too (do we still have these clinics, where babies were weighted and health visitors could keep an eye out for problems? Sorry for my ignorance on this but I don't remember any of my DG going to such places and I have DGGC of appropriate ages).

I find it baffling that in this day and age going to the health visitor/food bank before resorting to stealing isn't an option. I can only assume you've exhausted that avenue already worryingly! Anyone thinking of pinging over money - think again. There are many places where OP can go to get baby milk. In fact I'm pretty sure if you asked a stranger outside a supermarket (me included) they'd go in a purchase it for you. No one wants to see a baby without milk, sadly I think there more to this story. Poor child 😢

£34 a month?