Sick to death of grocery costs (1k/ month)

[Icannotbudget]

Our grocery bill has slowly increased and is now around 1k per month. This is for two adults, two very active teenage boys, and two dogs. This includes everything you would get from a supermarket eg personal care and laundry/ cleaning stuff.
Both kids are neurodivergent one in particular is very fussy and would rather go hungry than eat ‘cheap’ food. The older one just seems to need constant protein.
I am vege and pretty unfussy but don’t like freezer food. No alcohol and i shop at Aldi as much as poss but do use other supermarkets too.
DH works long hours and Ive just gone back full time and really struggling its impossible to cook from scratch every night.
Not sure if I want sympathy or strategies to be honest, its crippling me and im feeling really down.

The words billing him accordingly.

Any parent does not total their child's eating habits.

I have never had someone or my child to our house and calculated their amount, anyone that does this is a CF.

It seems like you have a family of fussy eaters. You don't like frozen, and our vegetarian. Your teens have specific likes and dislikes.

I'm sorry when I was raising children I made one meal. If they didn't like the meal that was prepared they were welcome to open a tin of soup, make a sandwich, or eat cereal. I didn't run a restaurant.

Family of 7 here and slow cooker is my savior. I have a 6.5l one and batch cook over night. You said your dc like chilli, bolognese, both can be done and frozen in this way

@TheSpoonyNavyReader when you do not have enough money you have to calculate everything. When your bills feel crippling you have to calculate everything. When you can't sleep for worry about money you have to calculate everything. When you're playing roulette with your direct debits you have to calculate everything. It does not matter if it is your child (and for the final time-that post was not about a child, it was about an adult man and if you notice-that poster has responded with a very interesting post that you might want to read).

Congratulations on never having had to make difficult decisions when it comes to costs in relation to your children. That is not the case for a lot of parents.

Helpful. OP is asking for advice not 'poor me' responses.
Everyone's situation is different

@Messedupabit well it's a good thing my response wasn't actually to the OP then isn't it?

And "poor me responses" in a thread where people have described how stressed they are about food bills and making ends meet? A bit of tact wouldn't go amiss.

@Neurodiversitydoctor I had similar when I went to university, it really does open your eyes to how other people are able to live but you can't replicate that at home without the funds unfortunately.

I would definitely try and do something about the Lurpak butter. The Aldi fake is really good. Wash out the Lurpak tub when it's finished and then when nobodys looking, transfer the Aldi fake one into it

Could you get a chalkboard and sit down with your boys individually? Write down each of their preferences with prices next to them, work out what you currently spend in total on each boy, and set a target amount. Then they can sit and work out what's essential to them and what they could cut back or change on.

I’m with you. I easily spend £600 a month for one adult, a child and 2 cats. I don’t think we are excessive. I order bone broth on top of our grocery shop (an additional £40 a month). I also buy shampoo and conditioner elsewhere as I prefer a certain brand they don’t sell at supermarkets.

Life is just very expensive now.

Are you buying e.g. dog food in bulk (usually cheaper esp if using kibble). And £25 a week for them does not explain the £1k a month. Fussy kids need telling - this is dinner and the choice is 'eat it or leave it, no snacking' because being fussy about having Heinz beans or whatever is nonsense and they are not paying the food bills - they won't starve themselves, honestly. Teenagers do need a lot of protein but it doesn't have to be expensive, chicken, minced beef, cheese are all protein and do not have to be expensive to be nice - esp if you shop at Aldi. DD did a week's shopping with me in Aldi yesterday (Saturday) and bought what she needed for all meals plus four relatively dear bottles of wine. Came to £80 (Aldi) for two people, so four people should be c.160 for a week, I'd think. DD plans to cook from more or less scratch every day with DP - their dog eats raw food e.g. chicken wings, tripe etc and is a cocapoo (so a small dog) doubt she spends more than £100 pm on dog food (is insured at £26 pm - I know this because we discussed insuring my newly arrived puppy). DD did a rough menu and then listed what she needed that wasn't in the 'store cupboard'. She doesn't batch cook and works full-time at a demanding job. I think you are spending way over what you need. Make a menu. Stick to it and abjure branded goods. They will all eat if they are hungry, really they will - you do not say that DH is fussy so he probably won't notice it's Sainsbury's beans, not Heinz. The only reason for being picky about toiletries is allergies - my late DH always had non-allergenic shampoos etc which are more expensive, and he was lactose intolerant, but bills were nowhere near equivalent to yours and I buy spirtis, not just wine and beer.

What/who is the bone broth for? £600 a month sounds excessive for your household, even though buying for one can be more expensive than buying in larger quantities.

I do wonder if some people actually read the posts. Yes. ND and ARFID children will starve themselves, I've seen it happen. Some don't. Some do. I've seen children be sent inpatient and put on tubes. Feeding therapists specifically advise not camouflaging substitutes as it damages trust in the parent and can lead to the loss of foods. And before you say "this never used to happen" it bloody well did, I know people in their 40s like this. it just wasn't acceptable to admit you catered to your child like that. You may not be able to tell the difference between Heinz beans and Sainsbury's, but these kids are minutely sensitive to tiny differences in taste, texture, and appearance.

Really the best thing to do in this sort of situation, if you can, is to carefully meal plan and avoid waste and extras. Your bill is going to be higher if you can't use substitutes and buy whatever is cheapest. It's a sad fact. You can try to get the kids to help with meals as well, and it is okay to ration the most expensive items. I have diabetes, so I can't just bulk everything out with inexpensive starches, and it puts my bill up.

She's vegetarian. In a similar situation - ex-DH became a vegetarian without consulting me - 90% of meals I cooked were vegetarian (curries, chillis, lasagne, risottos, the occasional stuffed cabbage and quite often cheese chowder, etc - no 'pretend meat' dishes, however). The children ate them (and ate school meals - I never made packed lunches, too much hassle). If we went out we were not veggie and ex-DH was. So the solution to the two meals business is that everyone eats a vegetarian meal most days of the week. Am puzzled by the Lurpak butter. Butter is butter, and expensive, but Aldi's own brand is very nice. Make them do a blind test - bet they cannot tell the difference!

The best solution is not to let the DCs have the branded goods in the first place. They will then not demand what they have never had. Being diabetic is a whole kettle of fish different from being a fussy child and being labelled neurodivergent.

That's no solution, as it involves a time machine. The past can't be undone. You're the one projecting "fussiness" onto neurodivergence.

Aldi do brands. I find Asda is fine for some things, and have good offers sometimes, but overall is expensive. Lidl is worth a try instead of Aldi - and they do more 'brands'.

That's as maybe but unless you've invented a time machine it's a pointless statement. You can't make anyone forget something they've had.

Also in many instances I suspect people started buying the brand because they could afford it. I used to get Lurpack, now it's approximately a million pounds a block I get a supermarket own brand. Difference is that I don't have, or have to feed anyone who has, a neurodivergence that manifests around very specific foodstuffs.

Me too! I only go to Asda etc if I want something particular e.g. harassa paste. Otherwise Aldi or occasionally Lidl.

If you have an insta pot

2l of milk
On the yoghurt function go to the pasteurised option.
Once it beeps take the inner pot out and allow the milk to cool to 110 Fahrenheit
Then whisk in two tablespoons of natural yoghurt (must have live cultures - I bought a tub from sainsbury and froze into 1tbsp portions in an ice cube tray so just defrost two when going to make it)
Press the ferment button
8 hours later - voila.

I usually start it at about 8pm and then it does the fermenting overnight.

I feel your pain - teenage boys never seem to stop eating.

Random thoughts:

1. See if you can find a local butcher or meat processor that can let you have dog mince, so much cheaper. Or a slaughter house that sells not-fit-for-human meat (One of my dogs lived on prime steak from there) If they cannot eat wheat, then you can cook in some oats or rice, perhaps?
2. As to wraps, surely you can make a veg version at the same time? (perhaps cooking a veg sausage or chicken to go in, or cheaper, perhaps cheese). You need protein too.
3. You mention quick and easy. Then your teenagers should cook once per week. Do they like Pizza? I have discovered that Stamford St pizza from Sainsbury is better than Aldi (£1 for a large one). My fussies like it with sliced micro-sausages (your protein add) and salad (yes some boys do eat salad amazingly) or chopped apple as a side.
4. Spag bol and chili are relatively cheap meals, but you could add carrots or pureed veg to stretch. He will get used to it.
5. Son needs to be told that if he will not eat what is given, he will go hungry. Stand firm. And possibly more rice less meat in sauce. Get them to experiment with cheap ingredients and eat what they make.
6. If their issue is texture rather than taste, then a blender is a godsend. (I got my small daughter loving scrambled egg when I smoothed it in the blender.)
7. I agree Aldi version of butter is pretty much the same, but "will only accept" is not acceptable. Teenagers are old enough to understand, and it is a lesson they need to learn for their own future.
8. Are they wasteful with the toiletries? Add water to the half empty shampoo/shower gel. You say Aldi shop, but Tesco own brand toilet roll is the best value IMHO. If you have a dishwasher, Aldi brand are great, but Sainsburys (Stamford St) are OK and MUCH cheaper.
9. I find washing powder better value than pods or liquid, and you can adjust the amount for smaller loads easily. One saving I made was to buy more socks - seems counter intuitive - but washing a whole load of boys/mens socks only once in a while saved me time. It is a cost hit up front but they just last longer so all the same.
10. If you have a freezer use it and shop bogoffs - they get fed just what is on offer.
11. Not sure what you mean by "don't like freezer food" , but then talk about ready meals - not very good for you on a regular basis. Frozen fruit is now cheaper than fresh or tinned and fruit pancakes make a great quick desert. Frozen veg is apparently healthier than "fresh". And certainly if you buy chicken breasts then a frozen pack can be half the price. (Buying a whole chicken and spatchcock or portion to cook, using the remainders for a casserole, traybake or meatballs), using the oven for veg in a casserole dish, potatoes and pie/cake/suet or rice pudding while the oven is still hot
12. Try finding a local community pantry (war on waste etc) This is not a food bank but a way of getting food that would go to landfill back in to your basket for a small donation (if you can) or free.
13. Watch Jamie Oliver's cooking on a budget - some great ideas. He is also a fan of lentils as a cheap protein.
14. Do note that Tesco/Sainsburys are advertising Aldi price match and Morrisons and Asda are offering Aldi/Lidl price match, if you do not have time to do a run around.
15. Soup? I make a mean veg soup out of the carefully washed outers/ leaves/stalks/leftovers and a pinch or dash of something spicy. I use a pressure cooker, so they go in the water under the trivet, but if you don't, they can go into the hot water that you have just used to cook your veg, or in a casserole in the oven when it is on. Then blended - free. Add lentils or baked beans for protein before or after blending.

Not sure if any of this helps at all, but meant with best intentions, and sympathy for your pain.

Bulk buying planning and bulk cooking are useful tools You are catering to a lot of special needs but it's still a ridiculous food bill

I believe she spends £25 a week on dog food so that is only £100 a month.

Toiletries and cleaning supplies do not have to be bought every week as they should last quite a while so almost all that cost is groceries which is ridiculous

Clearly I don't have a time machine, but, as others have said, butter isn't a necessity. Just stop having butter fullstop, sandwiches work perfectly well without it (I know, my late DH was lactose intolerant - no butter in sandwiches at all, ever) and olive oil, or better, rape seed oil or sunflower can be used for frying. Being 'neurodivergent' is a lay word for some people thinking in different ways (which I would have thought was obvious; sounds like the divergent/convergent divide of about 40 years ago, where being 'divergent' was more virtuous/intelligent etc than being a converger, so it was a sort of 'show off', one my ex-DH thought made him a superior being - that an a liking for Nietsche). Giving in to what is in DCs a power struggle is never good. If OP's DC's want foods she cannot afford then a) ration them, b) make DC's use their own money (is it still 'pocket money'?) to buy them (at which point they may discover that they do not need them as much as they thought).

Ours is around £700 pm all in for 2 adults and 1 ss who is also ND so quite a few items of food bought just for him. It is so expensive