How can it be THIS difficult to live in the south?!

[CharlotteB94]

So I don’t think this is going to be a popular post. I’m 12 weeks pregnant with first baby and last night husband and I were talking budgets as we are trying to buy our first home out of London, currently renting in London.

I would just like to say we are working in industries that don’t exist or are far lower paid outside London and when I say that I mean we also don’t want to go and live somewhere miles and miles from family and friends where opportunities for career growth are limited. We want some form of quality of life.

We have both worked extremely hard for years and built good careers and salaries, and are buying without any parental help or inheritance and have managed to save while renting for years which of course is a feat in itself.

Even with this in mind, we are finding the house prices anywhere within commuting distance of London, safe and reasonably desirable to bring up a family, absolutely prohibitive when I’m about to go onto SMP. I am talking mortgage repayments of £3k a month. It’s really crushing to have worked and saved so hard and to realise that we are going to have to buy a place that isn’t suitable or what we wanted.

in addition, I wanted to highlight that in this current crisis, people like us who have higher salaries, get absolutely nothing from the government: no child benefit, no funded hours, nothing. Based on the budget calcations we did yesterday we would be living hand to mouth each month saving nothing while I’m off and hardly any better off when I go back to work with these crippling mortgage payments.

I don’t know what age gap people are putting in between kids when they have no help from government as we simply couldn’t ever afford for me to be off work or for a house to live in while paying £40k a year in childcare for 2. This is based on my husband being on over £100k a year. It is WILD.

i honestly don’t know how the system is so broken!! it’s depressing being pregnant for the first time in this world having tried everything to make a successful life for our kids and still being in this position. I just cannot understand at all how people are coping. I wish I could leave the UK but family are here.

that’s all I wanted to say, any thoughts welcome.

Yes it's pretty grim. You're not exactly asking for anything crazy.

I hope you get there.

Well you don't have to buy you can carry on renting.

Why don't you post your budget and see if someone can come up with suggestions of where to look.

It’s horribly expensive and quite a lot of people at my work are trying to do more working remotely etc to take the edge off massive commutes.

Where do you need to commute into, and how often? I think a bit of reframing of what is suitable, what you want etc may be needed. It’s all so expensive. I laugh when people say “oh I couldn’t possibly manage without offstreet parking” etc - you have to just pick from what’s there. Whatever it’s like now, it’s probably not all going to get easier so pick what you can for now and you’ll likely be glad in 5-10 years that you could get that. It’s miserable. But at least you can afford something.

What's your budget and where are you looking? You will need to compromise on something.

3k a month mortgage? What price are you looking at for a house?

I'm 35 minutes from London and 3 beds here are around 300-350k. I think you need to look at a different area/smaller house tbh

People I know who manage have done one or more of the following

Had parental help
Bought after having kids
Bought long before having kids
Bought further out
Went back to work after 6 months of maternity
Saved specifically for maternity leave
Had a sufficient age gap to avoid having two children in nursery at the same time

My husband and I are both higher earners. We don’t live in London or even in the SE but we’ve still done at least three of the things I’ve mentioned above to comfortably afford our house and two children.

If you can afford £3k mortgage payments when not on mat leave, I think it’s in poor taste to complain on the cost of living board that you don't get any help from the government.

You need to look at smaller houses or cheaper areas. Most people do this, build up equity, and then move up. The average house price in Bexley is £413,680. There will be cheaper places.

So you'll have to move where there's 'no quality of life'

Sorry I missed you were on maternity leave, I do not know anyone who could afford to buy a house when on maternity leave. That would be very unusual.

I fully appreciate your frustration and this has been an issue for a very long time.

I remember praying I wouldn’t have twins as we simply couldn’t have managed.

There is a massive squeeze on people who have student loans, still relatively early in their careers, and wanting home and family. You have to sacrifice a lot.

Does your job really only pay you SMP? That is pretty shocking and disappointing in this day and age. If you decide to have a dc2 you NEED a better package, recommend you should change job before getting pregnant again. What about your dh … if he has enhanced paternity pay, it might be financially better for him to take say 3 months off work and you return to work early, thus you can cap the amount of time you have off work at low rate of SMP. Brilliant for him and a good statement of equality! My husband took time off for our dc2 and got that cute stage (9 to 12 months) and he and dc2 have the sweetest relationship now. It’s also fab for us mums to have dad fully onboard.

My dh and I were able to save some cash whilst I was pregnant. We then ate into savings whilst we had both our kids in nursery, so that we could pay the mortgage. I think this is actually really common - I know some people who took out loans. This felt normal to us and this has been normal amongst my middle-earning friends for a long time (15 years+).

We also let our spare room to a lodger whilst our first baby was very small - not strictly speaking permissible under our mortgage but it worked out ok. We didn’t get help from the government - kids are expensive, we were earning well enough (not as well as you, even taking inflation into account).

Our finances HAVE bounced back and we are now sitting comfortably. It’s insane how rich you feel when your kid finally goes to state school after shelling out for nursery!

I honestly think your best option is to carry on renting in London for another 18 months. A baby takes up very little space. Once you are back in work you may find it easier to persuade lenders to give you a good mortgage offer.

Regarding age gap - I had a big age gap between my kids and that allowed my career progression and savings to recover. It was very tough for a while, but we got through it. Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy and planning.

people like us who have higher salaries, get absolutely nothing from the government

^

We are on a low salary and get child benefit, that is it. Do you want to swap?

"South" is not just "Kent". There is also Devon and Dorset, all far better priced. If you are yet to climb the ladder - your first home does not necessarily mean the forever (or perfect) home, it is called "the ladder" for a reason. Our route was from flat to semi in London to a detached in Dorset over the course of 10 years. Yes, rates were different back then, but still even with this year's rates for remortgaging, our payment for a detached house is 2100 - which is cheaper than renting a flat in London. DH does 2hr (each way) commute to London three times a week, I am working from home. I think it is well worth it.

Whilst yes London is expensive, there are cheaper parts, we can't all afford the fashionable parts. Alternatively you need accept renting or a smaller place, where we are young people need to either rent in the city or move out to the surrounding towns to buy, it's no different.

Are your housing expectations too high for first time buyers do you think? What sort of property are you looking at that require £3k a month on mortgage repayments?

That wouldn't work if both parents are working 5 days a week in London through would it

If you are on a higher salary just wait until Starmer gets in. You're his cash cow.

Could you look at moving further away and one of you commuting regularly, the other one works locally and takes up the slack?

My youngest is 4 and I only just feel like we’re not living hand to mouth each month. We had no savings and I’d say that is normal for young families- ie no holidays. I am well paid professional within commuting distance of London.

The early years are really expensive but your finances improve significantly when the childcare bill reduces drastically. You get some choices back. But until then, life is very basic and lacking in luxuries for many of us. My mum said the same was true in the 80s- they had no savings and an expensive mortgage.

I'm assuming you don't live in or around London. You could buy a forever home in most of the country for what you'd pay for a 2 bed flat in most of London and the surrounding areas.

And most people around the country don't buy a forever home as their first home. Why? Because they cost too much. Yet this is what people are expected to pay for a starter home down south.

If you are yet to climb the ladder - your first home does not necessarily mean the forever (or perfect) home, it is called "the ladder" for a reason. Our route was from flat to semi in London to a detached in Dorset over the course of 10 years.

Over the course of 30 years we went from tiny 2 bed terrace, no parking, no garden to

bigger 3 bed terrace with small garden but no parking (two dc born here) to

3 bed semi with parking and small garden to

4 bed detached with large garden and lots of parking

Maybe look again at some of the cheaper options and decide what you can live without. We all have to compromise no matter how hard we work.

People generally don't buy their dream house first time, and its in pretty poor taste to moan about living hand to mouth whilst talking about 3k per month mortgages when theres families who have to watch what their putting in their trolley at supermarkets.

@woahhhh yes, it wouldn't work with both parents working 5 days in London - but frankly no one in my circle is working 5 days a week at the office unless they want to. Nearly everyone got remote/flexible arrangements after the pandemic.

It may shock you but those sorts of repayments aren't unusual for people living in London. And I'm not talking those who have huge houses. If you borrow c400-500k, that's what you'll be paying back.

Personally I would be staying put while pregnant & using some of your savings to enjoy your baby where you are. Then look how far out you really want to be & what you can afford each month in mortgage payments.
Yes it is shit at the moment especially in the south .I live in kent , crazy prices.
when will it end? mortgage rates, house prices energy etc 😤😩

We have a 2-bed flat in London zone 3, our mortgage is £900 a month. Honestly, you can't expect to buy a 4-bed detached first time round. And most people don't buy whilst on maternity leave, did you not think about this before planning a pregnancy? I don't think you're going to get much sympathy with a household income >£100k.