Helping family financially

[Winterdandelion]

I wasn’t sure exactly where to post this but wanted some advice. Disclaimer that I know this situation ultimately might be none of my business.

My sibling and their partner are having a very hard time financially. Sibling is on a decent salary and partner had also been until recently but neither earns enough to cover their outgoings on their own. They have two children with nursery costs. Partner has been off work ill for over a year now and just prior to Christmas was dismissed as was assessed of not being capable to work with no chance of that improving in the immediate term. Due to their illness (mental health) it’s not clear whether they will go and find anything else now or be willing to.

Sibling is at breaking point and very distressed that they may lose their home. Taking children out of nursery to cut costs also not an option as partner may go back to work and they don’t want them to miss out. There doesn’t seem to have been much of a plan in place for if the worst happened and they ended up on this position. It is an incredibly difficult situation but I would like to help them if I can. Our parents are no longer alive so no other family who could potentially help either financially or practically. I’m just not sure whether a) they would accept it b) it could make things worse/impact the relationship. Whilst I couldn’t stretch to meeting half their usual outgoings I could comfortably provide a small amount each month (say £100) and fully accept I’d likely not see it again - it would be a gift. That may make absolutely no difference in the grand scheme of things. I think sibling doesn’t want to rock the boat with partner given their ill health but with a young family to support I can’t help but think they will need to focus on themselves and the kids first if it comes to it.

I wondered if others had had similar experiences of helping family members out in this way? I know ultimately it’s nothing to do with me but seeing sibling so stressed is heartbreaking.

100 a month is going to make you feel better, but it isn’t going to solve their problems.

you would be better looking into saving up that money and putting it towards actual solutions. Perhaps towards more proactive mental health treatment.

Contribution based ESA is the New Style ESA.
Only contributions are taken into account, nit your partner’s income or savings

Haven’t read the full thread but definitely would not offer any money. I would offer to go through their outgoings with them if they wanted or if not suggest they speak to CAB. On a practical level, perhaps a grocery delivery occasionally or purchasing something the children need. But as previously mentioned it sounds like they’ve not been facing reality and until they do that nobody can help them.

Even if they just dropped the boys down to 2 days a week at Nursery - they'd cut their nursery costs by 60% and the children would still get their time with friends/teachers.

You said your sibling is at breaking point. Can you take her out of the house somewhere neutral, have a chat and make the offer. It gives the chance to open up the wider discussion on the bigger issues it won't address, and helps her know you don't want her/them to be alone with it.

When I've felt desperate, knowing someone cares and is offering support has priceless, even if it can't address everything.

Sounds like he should be eligible for contribution based ESA, that would be the first thing I would suggest they look into. It isn't means tested providing he has sufficient NI contributions over the qualifying period.

No advise but I just wanted to say that I think you sounds absolutely lovely.

Actually, instead of giving them £100/month, could you take the children out for a lovely day once a month?

I think offering to babysit once a month, or supporting them to get financial coaching or access CAB might be better than cash, and keeps you there as a supporter and not someone telling them what to do or giving them handouts.

If you want to help I would not be giving them money coz it sounds like it would be frittered away on a takeaway etc .

Could you offer to pay for their shopping each week ? Whether that’s giving them a gift card or doing it online for them to take some pressure off there ? Maybe buy the children’s winter coats and some new winter bits so least you know they will be warm . Maybe even pay some money off their energy bills . I wouldn’t be handing over cash coz I don’t feel like it’s going to go where it should be .

Im in a bit of a similar situation right now where I took redundancy then broke my tibia and once I’ve paid my rent I have hardly anything left and it’s worrying . I’m looking to go back to work even though I can barely walk but I can’t afford to not work .
It’s so worrying and working on top of the worry aswell as having 2 young children will be burning your Sister out twice as quick . She must be so stressed . Maybe you could afford to get her a little treat . A massage or a girlie day together .

They need first rearranging their budget, including their husbands care needs. Paid nurseries are a luxury and if it breaks your bank, you are doing it all wrong.