I can't afford Xmas

[sleepdeprivedma]

They really single mum to a 9 month old dear beat dad UC basically covers my rent and priority bills I had to leave work as I don't have anyone to look after LO not sure what I want out this thread but I'm just feeling very sorry for myself tonight

Please remember you are not a shit mum posting here just shows the love you have for your child and love is priceless that trump's any Christmas present.there are lots of charities out there that can help with presents don't feel a failure because you need help.

Things will get better. Your little one will start nursery, you will find work or go to college. Slowly slowly. I still remember the feeling of despair when my little one grabbed a toy in a charity shop for £2.75 but I could only afford £1. So we ate porridge for dinner that day (my son did get the toy). Please don't despair. You are not alone, times are hard for most people

Please get in touch with sure start/ children and families centres if in uk they have offers for free or low cost childcare to help those in need get back into work, food parcels at a low cost, food banks just need to register and fairshare which is free good quality second hand clothing

Love this, your baby just want to be loved. Take care of yourself x

OP I think the concern was for your mental health rather than people thinking you are asking for money

Don't waste any money on buying for a baby. Do you have family you can go to for lunch?

That MNHQ message appears when people have reported a poor person I believe.

@SutWytTi

It's not about being a 'poor person' - MN post it to people from giving money to scammers. It's surprisingly common; people reporting the thread do it so the warning goes up. Any genuine OP will understand they are not being judged. We don't know them. They could be anybody.

Thank you all for your lovely replies I definitely didn't post on the hopes that someone would give me money didnt even cross my mind just went to make that clear. It's more for growing up my mum made Xmas a big deal and so did my grandmother and sadly both aren't around anymore and It's just making me sad he's in bed and i was sat looking at the tree I have and I just needed somewhere to put my feelings that's all.

I will defo look in to charities/charity shops thank you

I would not bother buying anything, like others said the baby won’t know anyway, he won’t realise if you can’t have a Christmas roast dinner either.
Snuggle up with a duvet and a Christmas film and it will be ok 🥰.
If someone I knew was going to buy a gift and couldn’t afford it I would rather they don’t then get into debt or miss out paying bills. Explain to anyone you know that you won’t be buying this year and they should understand.
Its very sweet that your mum and grandma made Christmas a big thing, you can do that next year or the year after.
Best wishes OP.

Don't worry about baby. At 9 months, they won't be aware of anything.
Make Christmas nice for yourself so you have some happy memories of this Christmas.
Next year will be different.

I don't know if this will help but lidl have 50% off the middle aisles, ive found £2.50 for wooden baby toys, Christmas books £1, baby Christmas socks(thermal) £1. Might be worth a look 😊 you could make salt dough ornaments or if you have some paint, foot/hand print keep sakes

Google free Christmas events in your area, go for an evening walk to look at all the lights.

You can collect some nature materials like pine cones and Christmas tree branches, then make some salt dough at home and have a sensory play session. Just need to supervise carefully so the dough doesn’t go in the mouth. You can even make your own ornaments, for example, roll out the dough, make a baby’s handprint, use a glass to cut a circle around it, write « First Christmas « , then with a straw/pencil make a hole at the top for a ribbon. Then either bake it or leave it somewhere warm to dry for several days.

Put on some Christmas music and maybe even sing to your baby.

You can buy a present at a charity shop for a few quid. The baby won’t care that it’s pre-owned. All the Christmas smells, sounds and lights are going to be more beneficial to your baby development wise than a bunch of presents and pretty instagram pictures anyway.
Tell yourself you’re being environmentally responsible and thinking of your baby’s future !

I get there are scams of course but there are a lot of parents going hungry so there children get fed,this time of year it's even more difficult they just want there child to have the perfect Christmas my concern was for the OP mental health as she said she feels a failure as a mum,but with the cost of living crisis I think there will be many like the OP this year that's a sad fact Christmas is definitely a time for compassion and thinking about those less fortunate than ourselves

Agree that a 9 month old won't even know it's Christmas so don't put pressure on yourself. You can make up for it next year or the year after.

Have you got anything you could sell on Facebook market place? I made some cash for Christmas by selling some old toys and a bedside locker I no longer needed.

Definitely try local charities as others have suggested.

I hope things get better for you

Single mum on one 12yo.
I've made family traditions year on year that we look forward to. One is driving round houses to see other people's lights (the display ones, not looking through the neighbour's curtains).
We also like to visit a santa, not too expensive, our local farm is £5 each including a mince pie.
I have a reusable advent calendar and we do a quiz for a word a day in each pocket to lead my kid to a present on Christmas Day.
We have a Christmas song, this year's is Wham and we sing it to get in the mood (I know it's corny but it's fun).
We also make a gingerbread house. Not a good one but it's fun and a tradition.
We put up the tree together and make a big deal of doing it on 1st Dec so we get our money's worth.
We plan a xmas menu and my kid illustrates it for guests.
We hold a Crafternoon for friends a few weeks beforehand to make stuff.

I know that a lot of this isn't going to be applicable to a 9mo but it's the traditions that keep us together and united at this time of the year. This year maybe is for you though. What is going to make the season feel better for you?

What happened with your husband who was a great dad a few weeks ago? Are you returning to work? Divorcing? Is he paying maintenance or parenting?

There will be lots of free events around your area you just might have to hunt a bit to find them as there are so many paid for.

Lots of churches do carol services which are free.

Many brass bands play at markets/supermarkets etc so you can go and listen to them (also free but they might have a donations bucket - they will understand if you can't).

Go and look at local houses decorated with Christmas lights.

My dc used to love our Christmas lights Safari (driving round looking at the local Christmas lights) and visiting the local garden centre that puts on a lovely (free) Christmas display. They have train sets and dc works watch for ages.

Plan special Christmas things that don’t cost money. Churches often do lovely nativity services for dc too.

we did lots of free stuff when dc were little.

@DidiAskYouThough op alluded to issues there. If she wanted to be open about that she would but that’s not what the thread is about.

it would obviously be useful for her to talk about her plans for employment/childcare/divorce they’re all huge factors impacting finances. Some twinkly lights is all the entertainment a baby unaware of Christmas will need, no need for OP to pressure herself.

I have donated quite a few toys to a charity toy collection scheme this Christmas- it’s been organised by a local radio station. Could you enquire if there’s anything similar local to you? Are there any mother and baby units near you that you could attend, just for a bit of support?

I hope things get better for you OP, try not to let the pressure of having g everything wonderful at this time of year get to you. We are bombarded with adverts etc from around October telling us “buy this/buy that/this is the must-have thing this year!” It’s ridiculous and I largely stopped watching tv and using social media several years ago which helps massively. Love your baby, play with him and try to be cheerful around him - that’s what matters.

I understand where you’re coming from, OP, it’s hard when you had plans, or expectations of yourself, for how you thought life for your LO would be.
But as pp have said, babies don’t need gifts. You have a tree, they’ll enjoy the lights, a few decorations if you have them.
Remember there are food banks, Christmas toy banks such as Salvation Army but really you’re doing a good job keeping your LO safe and fed. Look after yourself.

Contact your health visitor / surestart centres , around this time of year they get loads of donations & there never sure who to pass them on to they won’t know until you tell them .
Join oilo if you haven’t already , loads of free things from food to toys to clothes , also join the free Facebook sites for your area lots of things normally available a short walk , salvation Army are another good place to ask for help there no shame is asking for help when your in a better situation just return the favour

Behave. We get a fair few begging bowl threads in the run up to Christmas. Just takes one scammer to wave a flag people are ripe for the picking. It's fuck all about reporting poor people.

It's true, your baby won't realise anything this year OP. There are places that do gifts for children. Hopefully a few ideas pop up for you.