Cost of living

[Blush301]

Looking for a bit of commiseration and wondering if others are experiencing the same. My husband and I live in Bath (admittedly not the cheapest place but certainly not the most expensive) have a joint income of around £100k and have one child in nursery 3 days a week. We live a relatively comfortable life compared to others but certainly not extravagant by any means. We have takeaway coffees and lunch or brunch out a couple times a month max, but that’s it really. At the end of the month by the time we pay all our bills and food and any other house maintenance costs we have nothing left or are in debt and have no savings. I am terrified of putting our heating on for too long due to the cost so we are all sitting here freezing most of the day since we work from home. Also just had an email from our nursery that the daily rate is going up by 12% in January which will add an extra £100 a month to the bill. We will have to remortgage next year which will probably add another several hundred per month. I would like to have another child but at this rate just don’t see how it’s feasible. I am constantly worrying about money and it’s having a strain on our relationship. It seems all of our peer group have much more money than us, despite having similar jobs and in a lot of cases the wife not working full time- expensive holidays abroad, building house extensions etc. just frustrating and depressing that we both work hard, have good jobs but can barely afford to get by. Is anyone else in the same boat!?

I'm lambasting you. And yes you are bitter! Common sense escapes you. There's no middle ground in your world view, which denotes a poor educational standard.

It's either buy a house you can barely afford or throw money a way I rent for you! Hardly a critical thinker are you?

Plus many accept that in the nursery years they may not be able to stuff themselves with takeaways and overpriced meals out. It's not forever. Not turning on the heating when you have small children because you want to scoff meals out shows the lack of basic life skills.

The entitlement is off the scale these days! It's actually insulting to people who really do suffer.

We earn a little more than you, mortgage, childcare, normal household expenditure and have 2k left per month disposable. You need to go through all bank statements to understand where your money is going so you know what can be cut to make some savings.

Right so I called you bitter because you are giving the OP a very hard time. Your response to that is I’m bitter…

There's no middle ground in your world view, which denotes a poor educational standard.

The irony…

Stop being bitter @jesterdourt. You are bitter! I'm giving you a hard time because you obviously have the same mentality. Start living in the real world.

What exactly am I bitter about?

You’re not giving me a hard time you are just being nonsensical 😆

Freezing children because you want to show off to your friends and keep up with the Jones's, sounds reasonable to competitive egotist like you! You bitter lady, I'm sorry you are jealous of your friends who can afford what you can't.

Pathetic! Get off Instagram and prioritise warmth for the children.

Oh and spare a thought for the homeless, who sleep in the freezing cold in hard concrete. I bet they appreciate the small things, whilst having trust my confiscating their tents.

Anyway no more wasting my time on you! I'm off out!

You need to analyse all your spending and see where money is being wasted. Childcare is expensive and sacrifices need to be made in the early years. Looking at what your peers spend is a pointless exercise.

Where are you getting your supermarket shop from?

We earn £60k and never have anything left over but it is cos I'm a knob with money... I always says yes to a theatre trip / lunch out. None of it is huge or extravagant but it all adds up. We are always warm at home though.

Some of it is the thinking of "Well we work hard so why the fuck shouldn't we have an Ocado delivery instead of traipsing round Aldi" which on the face of it is fair enough but if you make a lot of those "Why the fuck not" decisions you'll end up with no money.

Some extremely nasty responses.

People often spend to match their earnings.
The 3 main areas you can save money on

Cars
Housing
Food

Keeping up with the Jones
Is expensive and is to be avoided.

How much of your earnings do you spend on interest ? Cars phones HP? Credit cards?

How much do you fritter away on coffees , lunch , flowers, magazines , cleaner , dry cleaning , how many gifts do. You buy at Christmas ? Perhaps Start buying just for children only.

Start with the above.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/

Check out money saving expert for budgeting advice and tips.

You'll need to track all your expenses in a spreadsheet. Do this for a month and see where you can cut the excess and use the savings to pay off debts.

Swap your supermarket shop to a cheaper shop like Aldi or Lidl. See if you can swap your utilities and subscriptions to cheaper deals when the term ends.

Thanks everyone for your tips and advice. Like I said at the start we do live a comfortable life and are extremely lucky compared to a lot of people, so apologies if it came across the wrong way. My comment was more out of frusteration and curiosity, as I don’t think I live above my means at all.

i suspect our mortgage is bigger than some at just under £1400 which was completely affordable pre kids but now with everything else could do with being cheaper. I’ve cancelled all my subscriptions I don’t really need (shaving club, vitamins), no car payment, cancelled cleaner and dog Walker last year, always try and bring my lunch when I’m in the office, and will buy second hand if I can for anything we need (clothes, furniture, toys etc). We get our shop from sainsburys, which I know we could cut down on but providing healthy food, especially for my LO (organic where it’s reasonable) is important to us and I’m willing to sacrifice takeaways etc for that. Looking at our bills my dog is also a big expense with his insurance and medications, he’s old and has health problems. Not much we can do about that though as don’t want him to suffer. Last winter our heating bill was £400 a month which seems crazy to me, hence why I am reluctant to have it on much. I am going to ring up and see if we can spread the cost rather pay as you go, to make it more manageable.

childcare is the killer at around £800 a month. Unfortunately we don’t have any family nearby to help. My son is 2.5 so will get funded hours next September and I think will also qualify for 15 free from April with the new government scheme. Hopefully at that point we will be able to relax a bit and start saving.

there is probably more we can cut back on so will go through my bank statement. It does just seem a bit like the costs for everything just keep going up and up, and my wages don’t!

childcare is the killer at around £800 a month. that's not that bad if I'm honest!! Thought you were going to say a lot more!

No @Blush301 , what you said at the start is you were looking for some commiseration.
But crack on.

Similar here.
Plenty of people will blame it on taking out too much mortgage but we took out the absolute maximum we could borrow on our salaries (we were in London so had no choice as there was absolutely nothing we could buy if we didn’t max out on mortgage), it then wasn’t long until we had a child in full time childcare and as soon as she got free hours we had to start paying full time for DC2 as well as substantial wrap around care for DC1. But we manage to afford holidays still and certainly aren’t struggling and we are on the same wages as OP

£100k

Mortgage 1500
Childcare 800

What on Earth are you spending your money on

Heating £400. Yes normal for dec jan feb. That's what ours was last year. Possibly 500 dec

You say a comfortable life so spending it on something

We have the occasional brunch out and takeaway coffees etc and just general household expenditures, which have been a bit more recently as we had to get things like our boiler serviced and had a plumbing issue. This year our only holiday was in the UK and cost around £500. Our food bill is probably alot and costs for dog more than I originally thought.

@Blondeshavemorefun out of interest how often do you have your heating on? We were only having it on a couple hours a day at that cost ( first thing in the morning and evening).

petrol and commuting costs is another area we could save on I guess, if I get a bike I can carry my LO rather than driving to nursery etc.

@Blush301 same as you. Hour or two am. Then maybe 3 in evening

Certainly not all day

Was a stupid amount for what we used imo

But was 10p a unit compared to previous years at 3p 🥲

Just checked and yes just under £400 a month for dec Jan feb

At £800 childcare and £1400 mortgage your big outgoings aren’t as high as I thought you would say. Where are you spending the rest of your money? Our mortgage is higher than that and childcare and heating about the same. We also pay for two cars monthly. We have a similar income to you and after all bills and food we still have roughly £1500 disposable income each month.

Our heating is on throughout the day as it is on a thermostat and we earn roughly £25k a year. You earn too much to be skimping on it! £800 is cheap for childcare btw.