Should we help daughter out?

[Twospaniels]

Daughter and her partner - their fixed rate mortgage ends in September and to stay with the same Bank their payments will double. They have been online and can find a lower payment mortgage.
However, if the rates go even higher they will struggle to meet even higher payments.

Should we help them out? Or should they just ride it out themselves even if it means they have to sell their house. They are in their 20’s without children.

We have no mortgage and are retired with investments

Thanks for all the replies.

I have another daughter, but she is a very high earner as is her partner - they don’t need financial help, and would not feel ‘left out’ if we don’t give them finance too.

I was thinking in terms of giving them a bit each month to top up.

they have a plan to marry in a few years time.

I would definitely not want to see them struggle and lose their home. They both work hard and earn average salaries.
Neither smoke or do drugs, they do like to go out for a meal or drinks but will have to curb that. The only holiday they have this year is one that we have paid for in full, it’s not costing them or our other daughter anything at all.

We will need to discuss with them as I know her partner will be reluctant to accept what he may see as ‘charity’.

His parents are not in a position to help them financially.

@Twospaniels I think a fixed amount each month is sensible

I'd be very careful about treating your DDs differently financially.
I'd put aside the same amount for your other DD or adjust your will accordingly. It's not about the money, it's about treating them both the same and not penalising one for doing well.

Why wouldn't you help them if you can afford it?

I couldn't sleep at night if I knew one of mine was in this position and I wasn't doing everything I could to help.
If they don't want to accept it as charity, say its early inheritance

These comments make me realise there are good lovely parents in the world.

I know!

My parents are in their 80s. They would give the shirts off their backs for their children.

Totally agree...if you are bailing them out now in this situation it will be never ending

Be clear in writing that it’s a contribution for your daughter and increases her stake in the house. Just in case in the future things don’t work out.

Help them if possible.

^This

This

I can't help feeling your post is designed to create an argument/get into the media. Seems like a silly question to ask without any other context

Also I'm a bit all at the same time at some of the replies...you would be reluctant to help them because they might not get married???

I would advise them to see a mortgage advisor first. They have access to a wider market and options and they can recommend some approaches. They could even extend their term back up to keep costs down for example (not ideal but could work in the short term).

But yes, if you could help at all I'm sure it would be appreciated but you'd have to ask yourself how long you would be willing to help for as they may need it long term if things are as dire as you believe.

I'm assuming you live under a rock in some far far away land with no internet connection and no contact with other people? Your comment is coming from this without any apparent understanding that we are in a countrywide cost of living crisis, meaning that people who normally earn decent salaries are now struggling to pay their mortgages because said mortgages have doubled overnight. It's not because they are working part time, or being frivolous with their money, or because they are drug addicts...they may well both be working full time in decently paid jobs and STILL be struggling with the mortgage because its gone from £800 to £1600 just like that...do you not listen to the news, or the radio?

So with the all the above in mind, if your DC was struggling financially and you were mortgage free and fairly well off, would you seriously insist that they take up bar work (bar work??? what decade are you living in?) in the evenings and at weekends, on top of working their normal full time jobs, before you would even consider helping them?

Seriously??

Mumsnet scares me sometimes.

Yeah I wouldn't help my DD financially if the bloke she was with hadn't already made up his mind that he was gonna marry her.

I'd also advise her not to move in with any boyfriend unless he'd proposed.

Yes I would have it in writing via a deed of trust that a lump sum you give them goes to your daughter should they sell

There are ways of safeguarding money given, particularly relating to property, when a couple is unmarried. It is very sad so many people think their children struggling or having to work multiple jobs is some sort of rite of passage or test of personality/resilience. Attitudes from some people towards their children never ceases to amaze and disappoint me.

If I have the means to make my children's life easier at little real cost (I don't mean financially but in terms of standard of living) to myself then of course I will. My mum did this for me and I will be forever grateful for the freedom and difference it has made to our life with a young family. I always tell my daughters that we love and help each other out, and that won't stop when they reach 18.

@Hugasauras oh yeah I know there are ways of safeguarding money if they're unmarried, but it's just not for me.

Absolutely not posted to get ‘in the media’. Just asking what would other people do?

And where did I say I wouldn’t help them unless they are getting married?

They do plan to get married and they have been together for 4 years now. Bought their house about 2 yrs ago. Mortgage was a 2yr fixed rate.

I would help but I wouldn’t give to one child and not the other- even if it meant amendments to a will- you treat children fairly !!!

Of course you should help if you can.

Could you honestly watch them lose their house?

Why wouldn’t you help them? You’re comfortable financially.

Yes I'd help. And if one of mine had an addiction, struggled a bit with work due to MH, struggled a bit with money due to.ADHD, I'd help a bit more. Because, you know, some young people are vulnerable due to no fault of their own

I have helped both my children financially, for different reasons and at different times. Why would I sit back and watch them struggle when I'm in a position to help? And no it hasn't made them ungrateful feckless idiots. They appreciate it with all their hearts. I help them with other things ( work issues, relationship breakdowns), so why not with money too? If something I can fairly easily do will help them sleep easier at night then I will do it, because life can be hard enough right now! I cannot comprehend this weird belief that you can't help your kids because in doing so you're damaging their ability to budget, or failing in your duty to teach them financial lessons. When they come home sobbing their hearts out over a broken heart, do you send them away because by offering support you're not allowing them to develop emotional resilience? Of course not! You make them a cup of tea and give them a cuddle and provide a listening ear. Same with money as far as I'm concerned.

The bit about marriage was in reference to another poster.

I understand wanting to ensure that your money isn't going to end up in the pocket of some other person who DD could break up with, but marriage has got nothing to do with it. I know people in very serious and committed relationships that have lasted 20 years but they've never married...the marriage comment from @Dacadactyl was just very old fashioned and judgy.

i think if you can help them out, that would be a good thing to do. It’s not like they’ve caused this situation