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Original poster

Financial situation worse - considering moving back to parents?

42 replies

anniz91 · 09/06/2023 12:46

Hi everyone!

So me and my husband are currently in a bit of a bad financial situation.

We live in London rent is expensive, we have a baby. My husband decided to pursue his business full time. I’m currently on maternity leave but the money that comes in from that barely covers anything. Universal credit income is a joke and child benefit too.

We are considering moving back to my parents but I feel so embarrassed to ask but I know we are struggling weekly.

How do I break the news to them?
Has anyone ever been in this situation?
We just want to move back for a year so we can safe some money to rent a house in a cheaper area outside of london.

OP posts:
Newcareer2023 · 09/06/2023 12:49

Be honest and just ask. It’s like ripping off a plaster. Good luck.

MrsKwazi · 09/06/2023 12:51

Well firstly you don’t break the news to them as if they have no choice! You ask nicely with a clear plan, contributions, sharing spaces, cooking, storage of your stuff all to minimise impact on them. Living with babies are hard. They’re noisy, messy, disruptive and their stuff take up a lot of space. Will your parents be ok with that?

Can you not move to a cheaper area now?

What was your financial planning before you got pregnant and what has changed? It is only CoL going up?

Are you going back to work and what will you do for £££ childcare? A year with your parents may not be enough as you’ll move out especially when the childcare bills start to mount.

TokyoSushi · 09/06/2023 12:55

MrsKwazi · 09/06/2023 12:51

Well firstly you don’t break the news to them as if they have no choice! You ask nicely with a clear plan, contributions, sharing spaces, cooking, storage of your stuff all to minimise impact on them. Living with babies are hard. They’re noisy, messy, disruptive and their stuff take up a lot of space. Will your parents be ok with that?

Can you not move to a cheaper area now?

What was your financial planning before you got pregnant and what has changed? It is only CoL going up?

Are you going back to work and what will you do for £££ childcare? A year with your parents may not be enough as you’ll move out especially when the childcare bills start to mount.

Exactly this. You can ask, but you can't expect they'll agree!

user1483387154 · 09/06/2023 13:04

Are you really thinking about breaking your family up for a few years just becuase of finacnial issues?

Hihihihihihihihihi · 09/06/2023 13:07

You need to look at returning to work and maybe moving to a cheaper area. You need to actually try to work things out before expecting to move on with others

TheApplianceofScience · 09/06/2023 13:27

Can't see that idea working out very well, if you haven't even got the humility to ask not tell, the house share would be fraught with entitlement.

IMO

trulyunruly01 · 09/06/2023 13:28

"My husband decided to pursue his business full time"
As a responsible partner and parent, you don't get to do this if your business can't support your lifestyle.
It's bad timing for him to be pursuing his personal ambitions. He needs to wait until you are back at work. Or get a job alongside his own business.

LegendsBeyond · 09/06/2023 13:31

Your husband needs to get a different job if his business isn’t enough to support you. Why should your parents have to put you up? You need to grow up. You have a baby; a family of your own. You don’t just run back to your parents when things are tough.

cocksstrideintheevening · 09/06/2023 13:35

Your husband needs a job that supports his family.

FourTeaFallOut · 09/06/2023 13:41

Really? So, you dh decided to chance his arm in the highly risky world of setting up his own business, while his wife was on maternity leave, and now you have to break it to your parents that they'll be footing the bill? This sounds great, let us know what they say.

usererror99 · 09/06/2023 13:46

Why on earth did you/him/both decide it would be a good idea for him to make such a financial decision???

You can certainly ask your parents but I know my parents would be a bit 😳 that 2 grown adults who have a baby made such a random(stupid) decision that now they are going to feel obliged to say yes to putting you up for a year (which to be honest with how rent and cost of living is could be much longer)

Why don't you go back to work if he is now self employed he can work around the baby

cestlavielife · 09/06/2023 14:38

You need to both work full time. ?
Move to cheaper area now.

Do your parents have large house?
Have they previously offered to house you?

Original poster
anniz91 · 09/06/2023 15:22

How am I breaking the family up?

OP posts:
howrudeforme · 09/06/2023 15:31

You mustn’t assume - just ask.

I split up with my husband a few years ago and we split our assets. I was looking for a new start elsewhere (no money issues then) but my dm asked me and ds to move in with her.

made sense but it’s NOT easy. It works for us but it’s really not seamless.

please approach them kindly and you need to demonstrate your finances and how long you’d be there.

Shinyandnew1 · 09/06/2023 15:35

You don’t ‘break the news’ to anyone!

Your husband needs to get a full time job and you need to finish your maternity leave early. Consider moving out of London.

NoSquirrels · 09/06/2023 15:41

How did you both come to the decision that your DH wouldn’t earn a reliable wage at this point in your lives?

If the answer is that he decided on his own, and isn’t willing to work in paid regular employment at this time, then I’d consider asking my parents if I could move back home to them with my baby and leave ‘D’H to it.

Pinkdelight3 · 09/06/2023 15:46

How am I breaking the family up?

I think that poster assumed only you and the baby would be moving in with your parents, but sounds like it's your whole family you want to take there. Agree with others that it's not a 'break the news' situation but more of a grovel unless they've explicitly offered for you to move in already. Also agree that your DH should get a job (or jobs) with a steady income and park the business venture until finances are stable, probably when DC is in school. Famously bad time for finances with baby/childcare costs even when there's not a CoL crisis and especially in London. Sounds like terrible planning all round, but not insurmountable if you make a better plan now, which may or may not involve moving in with your parents. The danger is that you'll do that but his business still won't make enough to save or be sustainable or pass muster for rentals.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 09/06/2023 15:46

You don't break the news to them, you ask first.
Why can't your husband go back to work full time & you go back to work h

NoSquirrels · 09/06/2023 15:48

OP, you’ve also got a thread recently about your DH not wanting you to work.
Is he really a good guy? How has it happened that he’s calling all the shots?

userxx · 09/06/2023 15:48

You ask nicely and give them time to think about it. Plenty of time.

Pinkdelight3 · 09/06/2023 15:53

NoSquirrels · 09/06/2023 15:48

OP, you’ve also got a thread recently about your DH not wanting you to work.
Is he really a good guy? How has it happened that he’s calling all the shots?

Really? He's given up work to run his own business that doesn't make enough to fund the family yet he wants his wife to give up work too? And it's UC that's the joke?? Jeez, OP, he really doesn't sound like a good guy and I doubt your parents will be thrilled to have him moving in for a year (minimum no doubt). Step back and look at the bigger picture before you make more bad decisions. Put his wants and advice to one side and think what's best for you and DC.

PatchworkDonkey · 09/06/2023 15:53

How do I break the news to them?

Jeez the entitlement of you! You don't "break the news to them", you politely ask if I would be possible whilst fully prepared to accep a "no" since you're being seriously cheeky fuckers. Whilst on maternity leave isn't a good time for your partner to start a new business. He needs to get a job, any job and start bringing in a wage. You also probably need to cut maternity leave short and organise childcare so you can return to full time work. If you want to move out of London then do so, but stop acting like it's your parents responsibility to sort out the mess you've made of your lives.

TheConnoisseurOfDestruction · 09/06/2023 16:21

If I were the parents, I would be saying no

hattie43 · 09/06/2023 16:58

Hmm I wouldn't want my adult family and a baby moving in anytime soon. It won't be a year either as you still wont have money on your current basis . Your husband needs to step up and support his family probably like your own dad did when you were young .

Eviebeans · 09/06/2023 17:11

I think I would be saying no - with the information you’ve given it sounds as if once in you’d never move back out