Page 3 | Single life is expensive!

Lodgeornot · 2023-03-03T22:29:45+00:00

I just need a whinge and rant, sorry. Just sick of my colleagues and friends not understanding that my household income is less than half theirs because I'm on my own. I know there's two mouths to feed in a couple and other things you'll obviously need more of but I don't share my mortgage payment, I get 25% off council tax not 50%, I don't have a husband earning a higher salary than my own low end public sector wage giving a more than healthy take home between us. My income is it. And they've all gone straight from living with parents to partners so they'll never get it. Just argh! There's so much more but it would never end and potentially outing. I love em, but fuck fuckety fuck off with your cluelessness!

Original poster

Lodgeornot · 05/03/2023 07:32

Thanks to those who get it. I am lucky in that I don't have children. Ironically linked to why I 'choose' (scoff) not to have a relationship.

Currently weighing up whether to take out some finance to get the works done more quickly then add lodgers sooner... That's the choices I have.

OP posts:

Ambersonlove · 05/03/2023 07:40

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Original poster

Lodgeornot · 05/03/2023 09:03

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Thanks.

I'm officially mid-30s (happy birthday to me) and moved out at 16. I've always been necessarily not the norm; moving out young, virtually no support, no bank of mum and dad or partner to share the burden, homeless. So I am playing catch up. But life is now more stable and it's going great, but being not normal means most people don't get my obscure life experiences (I don't begrudge them, just frustrating at times).

OP posts:

wildseas · 05/03/2023 09:17

VintageThoughts · 04/03/2023 20:16

This has really got me thinking..

My ex moved out about 6 months ago and I'm honestly no worse off than I was with him here. My DS has started work and pays me £200 a month but with food bills reduced and less hot water etc being used, I've not noticed being short of money.

He on the other hand is really struggling financially.

One of the reasons I made him move out is because I thought he took the piss a bit where money is concerned and this has just proved it.

I'm really sorry you're finding it hard OP, but not every partner brings financial help to the table!

I hear you!

My ex pays 300 pm maintenance for two children and I always have more spare money at the end of the month than when we lived together despite me covering everything else.

I think it’s mainly because there isn’t another adult in the house buying random shit we don’t need …….

Spectre8 · 05/03/2023 10:38

abmac95 · 05/03/2023 05:00

If you read my first post you will see that I said exactly that.... People may be alone for a few months or even a few years through no fault of their own and that sucks but should be short term really. After a few years you have to look at why you are alone. Is it choice? Is there something you need to improve, your attitude or the way you look? Do you need to try harder to find a partner?

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Id love to have a partner but like one who shares my beliefs unfortunately this also means lots of men are misogynistic and think women should do most of the housework.

I'm not going to saddle myself with that.

So no its not like there is a wide pool of men to choose from.

surreygirl1987 · 05/03/2023 11:10

I agree with you but not when kids are involved.

Yep. I fully agree with you, OP, and I felt the same when I was single. It is frustrating. However, now with two kids, I look back at those single days and marvel at how much disposable income I had comparatively! You still have every right to be frustrated though. But I guess everything is ultimately a choice. Some people choose to have a partner for increased financial stability (not saying that's a good idea, but some people prefer to do that). I chose to have kids despite knowing the financial hit.
I do think the 25% council tax think is deeply unfair though.

SleepingRedSnowBootsAndThePea · 05/03/2023 11:52

ConkerBonkers · 04/03/2023 20:30

Have you not read all the many threads women on here post where their partners do not equally contribute? Please thing yourself lucky you are not paying 100 percent mortgage, 100 percent council tax, and 2.5 times your current spend on food, and household supplies. If your colleagues are in this position they most likely will not tell you about it. Everyone has a right to moan about the col, it does not more greatly affect every single person.

What utter rubbish. Any woman who decides to stay with a man like that is choosing to be a doormat. Most threads on here are about men not contributing to the running of the home, not providing nothing financially. Why should single people accept being charged more tax on the same household income than other households, just because some women choose to remain married to cocklodgers? 🙄🙄🙄

SleepingRedSnowBootsAndThePea · 05/03/2023 11:55

Spectre8 · 05/03/2023 02:55

What pisses me off most is every single year without fail the budget has nothing for single person no kids. Every other group gets some form of help.

And then those very groups have the audacity to moan and want even more.

And you just think fuck off.

This year this is the first time we have had help and thats been the money for energy that I'm referring to.

As a lone parent to two kids I can't remember the last time any budget contained anything that would benefit me in any significant way.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/03/2023 12:00

But choosing to be single long term is a choice (just like you choose to be with someone). Yes people go through a few months or a few years of being single where its not a choice. But if you have been single for 20 years then thats a choice and there is a consequence to that.

Yeah, this wins my 'stupid comment of the day award'.

SleepingRedSnowBootsAndThePea · 05/03/2023 12:00

abmac95 · 05/03/2023 03:02

But choosing to be single long term is a choice (just like you choose to be with someone). Yes people go through a few months or a few years of being single where its not a choice. But if you have been single for 20 years then thats a choice and there is a consequence to that.

Lol! So people should couple up with people for financial reasons when they don't actually want to? 🙄🤣 How about the tax system just stops penalising single people.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 05/03/2023 12:01

SleepingRedSnowBootsAndThePea · 05/03/2023 11:55

As a lone parent to two kids I can't remember the last time any budget contained anything that would benefit me in any significant way.

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And let's not even start about the way media covers financial issues - 'families' facing rising costs, 'families' feeling the pinch and 'families' having to find more money. I'M a family, albeit of one, and sometimes I think that politicians and media think that single people don't have bills or have to watch their finances.

AlmostSummer21 · 05/03/2023 12:04

RainbowBrightside · 04/03/2023 12:50

I would definitely go for the lodger if I were you. I would still charge the full amount (£625 a month I believe) and explain to the lodger that their rent will enable you to make the house a bit more liveable over time. You’ll probably just have to suck it up and paint/carpet their room though before they arrive. It’ll be worth it in the end though.

Oh yeah, expect them
to live in a place that needs a lot if work and make it clear they'll be funding it. Brilliant advice.

@Lodgeornot yep!! I feel your pain!! There's nothing my council tax pays for that I benefit 1.5x from over one person in a couple. It doesn't cost twice as much to have the lights/fridge/heating on, but no one to split the bills with.

I live in a 2 bed, that's also needing work done, but due to an accident I can no longer do it myself as I was, and tradies are like golden hens teeth! plus costs of materials & labour has gone mad.

Even just having someone on hand to hold something or pass something makes a difference, you can't keep getting friends or neighbours to pop by.

AlmostSummer21 · 05/03/2023 12:06

@Lodgeornot

personally, I don't want a lodger. No wayyyyyy.

I like my own space FAR too much & my things 'just so' that I'm only willing to compromise for a relationship not a paying person.

Rebel2 · 05/03/2023 12:26

YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/03/2023 12:00

But choosing to be single long term is a choice (just like you choose to be with someone). Yes people go through a few months or a few years of being single where its not a choice. But if you have been single for 20 years then thats a choice and there is a consequence to that.

Yeah, this wins my 'stupid comment of the day award'.

Mine too
I've ditched various boyfriends for
Drinking way too much
Drinking way too much and being caught drunk driving
Not telling me he wasn't single
Browsing tinder in front of me

Yes I have standards, and I can look at myself all I want, being a red head who is a size 16 and wears glasses, the pool is limited anyway and I won't lower my standards to be with someone who drinks excessively, uses drugs, cheats, isn't single or won't be seen with me in public
The issue is my looks and my standards so.. not much I can do about either of those

Original poster

Lodgeornot · 05/03/2023 13:27

@AlmostSummer21 are you my alternate personality? 😂 I'm currently coming back from long covid and a back injury. It's so hard! Tradies are a nightmare. Very necessary new windows and doors last summer. Only one of the six tradies turned up (he was brilliant), quoted, done the job etc. One of the no shows follows up six months later and wonders why he cant come quote on a job that's already been completed. Idiots!

@Rebel2 don't let anyone tell you your looks aren't good enough. You'd be just what I am looking for (apart from you liking boys/men). Classy, independent minded, and a red head. That you've not been snapped up is just further proof of idiocy!

OP posts:

TabooOfNoSex · 06/03/2023 09:10

abmac95 · 05/03/2023 03:02

But choosing to be single long term is a choice (just like you choose to be with someone). Yes people go through a few months or a few years of being single where its not a choice. But if you have been single for 20 years then thats a choice and there is a consequence to that.

But it’s not a choice for everyone.
I’ve never been in a relationship, not because I didn’t want to - I really wanted/still would want a relationship, but no one wants to be in a relationship with me.

Calling it ’consequence’ is just rude.
What, I’m forced to be alone, and now I’m an top of it blamed for it and must suffer consequences?
Well, that’s just lovely.

MrsMikeDrop · 06/03/2023 10:13

YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/03/2023 12:00

But choosing to be single long term is a choice (just like you choose to be with someone). Yes people go through a few months or a few years of being single where its not a choice. But if you have been single for 20 years then thats a choice and there is a consequence to that.

Yeah, this wins my 'stupid comment of the day award'.

Agree. Make that stupid comment of the month.

Talia99 · 06/03/2023 10:48

RainbowBrightside · 04/03/2023 12:50

I would definitely go for the lodger if I were you. I would still charge the full amount (£625 a month I believe) and explain to the lodger that their rent will enable you to make the house a bit more liveable over time. You’ll probably just have to suck it up and paint/carpet their room though before they arrive. It’ll be worth it in the end though.

There’s no ‘full amount’, it’s whatever the market can bear. The £625 is the most before tax is due, that’s all.

In some areas, £625 would be ridiculously low, in others it would be ridiculously high.

Zippedydoo123 · 07/03/2023 15:37

Spareprincess · 04/03/2023 20:47

I love living alone so so much & would hate to have to put up with a man in my home/bedroom/bed. I would also hate having to clean after a man, particularly his revolting skid marks.

Well worth the sacrifice of having to pay for everything yourself when you get to enjoy it all in peace.

I totally agree. Though I still live with my 18 year old ds. At his age I enjoy so much more me time and it is utter bliss. I pay a handyman twice a year for any di y and also a monthly gardener spring and summer (back probs and hayfever mean I cannot do it myself). Stops me craving an urgent husband lol!!

catfunk · 07/03/2023 15:54

I agree op.
I know I'm very lucky to have a partner to share costs with.

Apollonia1 · 07/03/2023 16:29

Yes, everything is more expensive for single people.

e.g. a small example:

for me to take my twins swimming costs me E69 per week (each child E22 for the lesson, plus E25 for a babysitter (since each child needs a dedicated adult, and as a single person I do not have a partner))
For my married friend to take one child swimming costs E22 per week (equivalent to E11 each for her and her partner).

So I'm paying E69 and she's paying E11 per week! (albeit mine is for 2 kids)

babbi · 07/03/2023 20:27

VintageThoughts · 04/03/2023 20:16

This has really got me thinking..

My ex moved out about 6 months ago and I'm honestly no worse off than I was with him here. My DS has started work and pays me £200 a month but with food bills reduced and less hot water etc being used, I've not noticed being short of money.

He on the other hand is really struggling financially.

One of the reasons I made him move out is because I thought he took the piss a bit where money is concerned and this has just proved it.

I'm really sorry you're finding it hard OP, but not every partner brings financial help to the table!

@VintageThoughts

I agree with you 100 %.
I am so much better off financially as a single parent .

BigFatLiar · 08/03/2023 11:47

TabooOfNoSex · 06/03/2023 09:10

But it’s not a choice for everyone.
I’ve never been in a relationship, not because I didn’t want to - I really wanted/still would want a relationship, but no one wants to be in a relationship with me.

Calling it ’consequence’ is just rude.
What, I’m forced to be alone, and now I’m an top of it blamed for it and must suffer consequences?
Well, that’s just lovely.

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Some people just seem to not meet the right partner. We have several single friends, nice men, just didn't meet up with suitable young women. Perhaps a consequence of their career choices. They've just made the best of the life they have.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/03/2023 12:42

JamNittyGritty · 05/03/2023 04:29

I am in the same boat but with 2 kids to pay for on top (ex shares their costs but no other maintenance). I am finding the increased bills hard, really worried about renewing my mortgage soon and the cost of that. Get frustrated as I am just over the cut off for child benefit but friends who are couples with a joint salary way over mine still get it bcs they both come under the cut off but not by far.

I am really happy on my own but find having solo responsibility stressful.

I agree it should be done on family income

Think it's £50k now

So 2 can earn £49 so £98k and get cb

Yet one earning £60 and one £30 so £90k can't

SleepingRedSnowBootsAndThePea · 08/03/2023 20:46

That's true of all tax thresholds, it should all be done on household income. Why should single people get half the tax free personal allowance, oay higher rate tax and lose chuld benefit at half the income, lose their personal allowance and tax free childcare and 30 hours childcare at half the income? It's ridiculously unfair.