I honestly cannot afford to live

[Inkdrinker]

I work 40 hour weeks, yet I was paid 6 days ago and I'm already completely out of money. My rent is more than half of my pay, council tax is a further 250 pounds, my energy bills are ridiculous despite trying to cut down on using so much.

I have 3 kids to look after. How are people going survive this? This is by no means a ploy to ask others for money, I do not want anyone's money. I just want to know I'm not alone in this situation

What does this mean ?

@NewNovember I’m not a native English speaker, I don’t understand

The General Election cannot come soon enough. I have worked in care work, social work, child protection, homelessness, mental health etc for almost 30 years and the difference in which we could care for the most vulnerable was palpable when Labour were in power.

I've never voted Tory in my life, but posts like this worry me because of the incredibly unrealistic expectations that underpin them.

The issues the UK has are complex, but getting in a Labour govt will at best make only minor differences to most of them.

I'd be glad to get a better relationship with the EU and stuff like that, which a Labour govt will enable, but we won't be reversing Brexit any time soon.

And much of the world is facing similar issues to the UK right now, even if the UK is getting them a bit worse than most developed countries, because of the war, inflation, post-pandemic syndrome, the cost of the transition to clean energy (which needs to be done, but will be painful while the transition is going on), and the aging population. We're not going to go back to the halycon days of the 1990s by getting a different government in.

Took a bit of working out, but it looks like @NewNovember is one of those 'helpful' MNetters who can't help pointing out spelling mistakes in obscure ways with ill disguised digs.

Gaz is short for Gareth. Gas is the stuff we use to heat our homes. However, gas for heating is also sold bottled under brand names that often include the word Gaz, so it's an easy mistake to make. But however, you spelled it @Godlovesall26 we all know what you mean.

When we started the clubs things weren’t so bad, what are we supposed to say to our youngest sorry kid your sisters clubs started when we could afford it we can’t for you so tough your not doing it.. or do we take away the activities the older ones have been doing for years? As i said we don’t do competitions because of the costs I was giving examples of how things get expensive when children get older. And you have no idea what some parents are willing to sacrifice to make sure their children are able to both continue and compete in their clubs. I still wear clothes I’ve owned for 15 years, I don’t go out socialising, I don’t spend a fortune on make up, the last foundation I bought was 2 years ago, I don’t smoke, get my hair done rarely, shop in charity shops and car boot sales so I can afford to give my children certain luxuries in life I never had.

@catskittens most patents who can afford it help their children out. This can be in different ways like letting them live at home rent free so they can save more for deposit, looking after dgc so their parents can work more hours, or gifting them deposits. There really is nothing wrong with wanting to help your children or even dgc out if you can. Surely it is a normal parental instinct to care for, protect and help out your children. I've helped all 3 of mine. DD got help with deposit and help with equipment for DC and childcare fees so she could work full time, DS1 only paid nominal rent whilst living at home and saving deposit. Then he got a chunk of deposit gifted to him. DS2 will be leaving home this year. He only pays nominal rent and we pay his mobile contract so he can save more deposit. He will also be gifted a chunk of deposit. As he will be living close by I will happily care for any children he has if his partner wants to work. This is very normal and most of my friends do similar for their children. I also buy all of dgc shoes and pay for swimming lessons for them too. I really don't see how help parents give to their children can be wrong.

@Orangesandlemons77 I'm sorry that you feel the need to nitpick.
However "the news" isn't the most realiable. All news has a slant & editorial bias.
Check gvmt stats. Transistion from child disability payment to adult disability Payment is seamless. New claims take 4-6 weeks.

All else I said stands & it may help someone.

@freyamay74 exactly!

Very sensible words. People need to get creative about managing their own choices.

In my experience it's all done by computers.

I got a fine letter once when they had made a mistake.

It was cross referenced by computer.

Better to get the certificate back dated if possible.

The money for 3 of your prescriptions will cover the cost for 3 months.you dont need to buy a yearly prepayment.

And also I think it said you could back date for a month?

I know you're saying its difficult, but it will really help you a lot. So if you didnt pay for 3 weeks saved that cash and got a certificate that you backdated for the 3 weeks.

Someone is making an outrageous profit on those Leotards. Maybe the parents should refuse to buy into this nonsense.

It's just a bloody joke. We are being milked dry by the energy companies and the rich. I have never known life to be as hard as this. It's going to get worse in the UK though because we have a scummy tory government who couldn't give a damn.

Scotland and the Scots have always been great. England is a petty little Tory country. I hate it and always have, never had the money to leave.

I think the OP said she was in Scotland. If that's the case definitely get a benefit check as you may also qualify for the Scottish Child Payment which is £25 per week per child up to age 16 if you are in receipt of a qualifying benefit ie UC or Council Tax reduction

@freyamay74 it is something I considered and looked into extensively.

Not because I couldn’t afford to live where I was pre divorce, but because I had to get out of the area for a variety of other reasons.

I have several single mother friends who lived in different areas, and we’d all discussed how nice it would be to sort of live communally, for evening company, for childcare back up, for an extra set of hands with someone we know well.

But as I have 3 daughters and all of my friends have 1 or 2 sons, it was logistically impossible. For both renting and buying. Would have needed a house that had 4/5 bedrooms and a reception room or two downstairs that could have been used as a bedroom (or two as they aged). Landlords don’t like that and whilst I earn a fair amount more than my friends, it wasn’t enough to afford a house that size back then, 6 years ago, let alone now.

I would love to live with any one of my single mother friends, especially because I have zero intention of ever having another relationship. I’m back to renting now as the divorce financially ruined me (but my barrister was worth every penny who was successful in ensuring we were safeguarding from ExH who was fucking deranged thanks to a coke habit that he developed during my third pregnancy) and stand no chance of buying now.

He ruined our finances that last year, he ruined my finances during the divorce, and he now lives with his mother, isn’t allowed near us, doesn’t work - previously he was on c80K and if I were getting even the paltry CMS amount of that 80K it would make a huge difference.

So I guess I’m stuck doing 7:30am - 6pm 5 days a week, and whilst I would say the 37K I earn is more than most, I am disabled (recently Dx with Lupus which has been so much fun), one of my children is disabled, it’s 15K less than what I earned when with ExH as I had to take a different job with less stress/responsibility as I was close to a nervous breakdown, I have no savings left at all and I’m up till midnight most nights doing a Masters over 2 years so that I can move sideways and then up the ladder again.

But again, I’m lucky I can do that. Turns out, the STEM degree/career I chose has grown more in demand and flexible in the last decade and I just need to complete this Masters that adds another skill set (Data Science/Bioinformatics) and I should - or rather would - have been grand. I’m no longer optimistic that the extra money it will bring will make much, if any difference.

As for comments about rent - my sister pays £900 a month for a rundown terrace in a crap area in the East Midlands. Two years ago, that house (and others like it) rented out for c£550-650 depending on how nice they were inside.

Prices are insane and there are no cheaper properties.

A room in a house share on the same road was recently advertised for £600 and was snapped up within 48 hours.

Empty, well done you. My ex husband has never paid anything (nor even helped with the children). It certainly makes things harder whatever your income level.

It’s shit, isn’t it? I can’t abide all these smug posts from married women on here recently. I was married. To a high earner. I was a high earner. Our income was 6 figures. He was a great husband and father.

Addiction is a monster and he quickly became someone I didn’t recognise. At first I thought he was having an affair. I ended up wishing it was that, because his addiction ruined every aspect of our present and our future. He became abusive and unhinged after I left once I discovered what was going on. He now has a criminal record due to that.

No child support, no “free time”, it’s all on me. However, it’s significantly easier in many ways, because we are no longer exposed to his chaos.

But you have that awful woman

It is crap I’m with you I volunteer for a social supermarket like a food bank but donations I shop there without that I wouldn’t survive, my son has a disability turned down for pip
You are not alone but that doesn’t help at times I know
I dread the future

You’re not alone OP I work part time around our 2 DC. DH works full time and has had to take on a weekend job to keep our heads above water. I’m selling everything that isn’t nailed down to bring in extra where I can. We’ve no chance of saving, can barely make it month to month - life shouldn’t be this hard!

Dear OP, you are not alone. I'm single so have to cover all expenses myself which is a lot generally, but have no dependables (God knows how single parents manage), but I have done ok in the past by living cheaply - don't go on holiday, don't buy clothes, shop in Aldi, rarely go out and managed to actually save a little each month. Now I am constantly living in my overdraft and can't afford to pay my credit card back. I just had to sell my car (my only luxury) for scrap as couldn't afford to fix a fault with it. I'm showering every other day and never have heating on to save money and still totally broke - and I earn an okay amount for my area, like you work 40+ hours. It's disgusting. The Tories have f**ked our economy and are making working people pay.

How much were your arrears? Can they stretch it over a longer period?

Lack of social housing and high private rents and are massive problems. 12 years of austerity has led to very poor public services which are going to be very costly to restore. However, I don’t understand why there are so many single parents who complain that they are struggling. I wouldn’t criticise anyone for leaving an abusive relationship, but I am critical of people - single or in partnerships - who choose to have a child and who expect the State to provide.

I know. I got laid off from my job 7 months pregnant and been refused social welfare assistance because of a slightly complex tax situation due to previous self employment.
I just don't know.