Please help get me back on the frugal wagon

[Crabsy]

When DH and I were saving to buy our first house (5 years ago now) I was quite smug about how good I had become at being frugal. I was a great saver, never wasted money, spent on occasional trips or things that were in my view, worth it but I never spent flippantly or excessively. Never bought things without thinking it through and comparing prices etc. When DD1 came along I was still pretty good - almost all of her clothes and toys were second hand, we didn’t buy into all the marketing for random baby crap you don’t need. But then my DF died and lockdown hit and I fell off the wagon quite majorly. I just couldn’t stop spending.

I never got into any serious debt - DH and I used a 0% credit card to pay for a new kitchen as the old one was literally rotting away, but other than that broadly been living within our means. So in the grand scheme of things it’s not a huge problem. But I stopped caring about how much everything costs and just bought what I liked on a whim. Overspent in pretty much every category you can think of. I feel really guilty in hindsight. I have also been careless and done things like online shopping via Klarna and then when I get the text saying your payment is due today, I’ve just not bothered to pay on time and now it’s had a negative impact on my credit rating. Although we aren’t in debt (other than mortgage) I’ve definitely wasted a lot of money.

Today I have managed to sort out all of my loose ends and I’m ready to get back on the frugal wagon in an attempt to re-build some savings and afford a holiday for us all in the summer. I’m closing my Next account so that I don’t spend eye-watering amounts in the sale. I’ve still got my credit card as we tend to do all the food shopping/petrol on that and then clear it this month, I think I can trust myself to keep it. I just need to make sure I don’t overspend again.

So please send me your best frugal tips/motivation/encouragement and anything else you can think of to stop this happening again! Thank you

Following with interest!

I consolidated all my silly little debts with a loan and I'm now down to my final £300 to clear off.

I want to be so careful with money so not to get in this situation again.

I've created a spreadsheet which details every single penny I spend and totals it up! It means I can see exactly what I've bought and for how much! Clearly checking my banking all daily had no effect on me, so as soon as I buy something, on the spreadsheet it goes!

I think it’s quite useful to examine what you are spending on and what you could do with the money instead, I used to be very frugal. Then I went through a number of years where I can now see that I was a bit wasteful - promoted by a prolonged period where I was going through some difficult things and relying too much on retail therapy…

i am now focusing in “mindful spending!

If you've overshopped, do you have a lot of things you don't use/wear? Could your house do with decluttering? If so, you could focus your energies into this. Once you get going, you won't want new things coming into the house to spoil your new streamlined life.

Do you find yourself shopping/browsing online for something to do? Can you take up another hobby/interest (not one that needs a lot of new things to get started) or just indulge in some binge watching instead?

Finally, review your budget, and put money away in savings (for annual and irregular expenses, like your holiday, plus emergencies, loss of income, and some 'just because') when you get paid. Pretend that money doesn't exist. Then only spend whatever money you've identified as leftover spending money each month and when it's gone, it's gone. Never click on the Klarna (or similar) option.

I am a compulsive online shopper and I've set up an ebay business selling makeup samples to channel my urge to splurge

I still buy stuff but it's to sell on. Things like makeup and skincare gift sets, I keep a few things for myself and sell the rest to recoup my outlay. May not be a solution for everyone but it scratches that itch for me.

@Sublimeursula my DH is vaguely aware. Because I haven’t gone into credit card debt I didn’t necessarily feel the need to sit him down and “tell him” and also he definitely notified all the parcels and stuff turning up and would occasionally say something like “not another bloody Next parcel!”. But I have always managed both our finances and he doesn’t take much interest. I think if it turned out I had &5k of secret spending racked up on a credit card then he would want to know but I haven’t.

Basically we are fortunate to have a relatively high income and pretty low outgoings so we should have really been saving around £1k-£1500 per month (varying because I had another mat leave) but in reality I have only managed to save maybe £300 per month because the credit card bill - which I clear in full each month - is always so big. We both work, I am the higher earner but I have recently reduced my hours to spent more time with DD who has SEN. In hindsight there were some very obvious triggers for my spending (bereavement, lockdown and then my DDs medical issues which have turned out to be SEN).

I have two current accounts - one that my salary goes into and all regular bills (mortgage, gas/elec etc) go out of. Then I have a monthly transfer of spending money into the second account, and that is the debit card I use for everything else.

It gives me a wake up moment if I run out of spending money before the next monthly salary. I can top up the spending debit card from the other account, but I have to log on and make a deliberate decision to do that, and that gives me a kick to think about what I have bought!

Also, find something to replace idle scrolling. In my case jigsaw puzzles (not on-line) and board games (on-line, playing against others in real time), plus taking up reading physical books again. It takes 21 days to create a new habit apparently!

@Sublimeursula i mean I didn’t take out a secret credit card for myself. We chose to use a 0% credit card for the kitchen which we will be able to pay off in time next year. So he knows about that and there is nothing else in that card, literally just the kitchen. There is no credit card debt that he is unaware of.

i did a credit check yesterday and it’s not negative, it’s just not as high as it was previously.

Presumably lower because of late payments rather than missed payments?

When something bad happens to us, we do lose the ability to manage - your head only has so much capacity and dealing with grief doesn't leave much headspace for anything else

So I am sure you will manage to get yourself turned around again now you are able to think about it a bit more

First I think you need to think about the things you need verses the things you want.
set up a savings account and send anything not in budget that month too it. It’s there if you need to move it back (which will begin to feel painful!)

Ive been paid today and moved the ‘savings’ over - I had decided on a no spend February - bar a passport for DD and driving lessons/test for DS which is higher than expected! Both things can’t be helped and are necessary but reduce my savings. Obviously I need to buy food and petrol.

However I shall be using my Tesco vouchers for the shopping next week and we are going to use up what’s in the freezer for tea.

Everything else can either wait or it isn’t necessary.

Other than that check your bank account daily so there are no surprises.

@mixedrecycling yes that’s right. I’ve always been able to make the payments because we have a good amount of money coming in. But I just don’t always get round to making them on time which I admit is just laziness or not prioritising it.

i have two going DC and spend a ridiculous amount of time sat in a dark room trying to get them to sleep. I’m up at all hours, night feeds, etc. So I definitely do end up online shopping as I just scroll for something to do. I’m also quite easily influenced and will buy the latest toy or whatever if it has been advertised a lot on Instagram. I’m trying to think of something else I can do on my phone in the dark! Will look into some games.

*young not going!

It sounds as though you’ve gone through a difficult patch, don’t be too hard on yourself. I’d recommend you identify an affordable treat for yourself when you get to the end of the week or month that you can look forward to, but nothing else. It can be something that’s an essential but a more luxurious version than you need, or a class or swim session.

Have a good sort out of your clothes, toiletries, cupboards, freezer, make lists of what you have packed away if stuff tends to get hidden. Sell or give as gifts items you won’t use. You probably don’t need to buy much for a while going forward, and may have some lovely things you had forgotten about.

If you usually meet people out for coffee or lunch, have them to your home and you go to theirs, assuming you know them well enough. I have started to do this and most friends are actually quite relieved as it’s saving us all money, and not a hassle to put an extra portion of soup on.

I am on this site (under a different name!) boardgamearena.com/lobby?game=1394

You can play on a free account (with some restrictions).

I like Ticket to Ride and Splendor!

Shopping can become an addiction so I get your need to rein it back .
Years ago I started reading books on how to budget and the thing that worked for me was paying myself first so with my disposable income when I got paid I put £1000 straight to savings and £500 to mortgage overpayment. What was left was living costs and mine to spend how I wished . Instead of expensive treats like new clothes each month I bought small nice treats eg fresh flowers , coffee and cake or a magazine . It worked for me .
You have done it before you can do it again , good luck .

Get yourself a library card and ask the library about whether they support borrow content via free apps such as Libby - that you can use to borrow books and magazines to read on your phone. All free! Saved me a fortune.

@Sublimeursula you may have thought from my OP that I had ignored credit card repayment reminders but i actually only said Klarna. As I said, I clear the credit card in full and on time each month. I do this on pay day and then there is always enough left to pay the mortgage etc but really there should also be enough leftover to save £1k+ per month. But usually it’s more like £2-400 into savings and I feel guilty about that. We have recently spent those savings on upgrading our car.

yes it is true I have been spending without any thought. But (fortunately for me) because we have quite a lot coming in, the consequence of that is just that we’ve not got much savings, rather than I’ve got stacks of credit card debt.

i have £4K on a 0a% credit card which was used to buy a kitchen which DH knows about.

my Klarna balance is 0.
my Next balance is 0.

i have no other credit card debt. This is not me being in denial, these are just facts. You seem determined to out me as someone who is in secret debt and that is not the case. Sorry if you feel misled?

What I feel guilty about is that, given our level of income, we should probably have managed to build up £20k in savings from the past 3-4 years. But that has not happened because I have spent unnecessarily, mainly on stuff for the kids and the house.

DH does not know that I occasionally was late with Klarna payments. Maybe I should tell him that.

There is such a basic solution to this. You need to transfer £1000+ into your savings account each month as soon as you're paid. Then you can spend whatever is left over. You need to pay yourself (ie savings) first.