Please help get me back on the frugal wagon

[Crabsy]

When DH and I were saving to buy our first house (5 years ago now) I was quite smug about how good I had become at being frugal. I was a great saver, never wasted money, spent on occasional trips or things that were in my view, worth it but I never spent flippantly or excessively. Never bought things without thinking it through and comparing prices etc. When DD1 came along I was still pretty good - almost all of her clothes and toys were second hand, we didn’t buy into all the marketing for random baby crap you don’t need. But then my DF died and lockdown hit and I fell off the wagon quite majorly. I just couldn’t stop spending.

I never got into any serious debt - DH and I used a 0% credit card to pay for a new kitchen as the old one was literally rotting away, but other than that broadly been living within our means. So in the grand scheme of things it’s not a huge problem. But I stopped caring about how much everything costs and just bought what I liked on a whim. Overspent in pretty much every category you can think of. I feel really guilty in hindsight. I have also been careless and done things like online shopping via Klarna and then when I get the text saying your payment is due today, I’ve just not bothered to pay on time and now it’s had a negative impact on my credit rating. Although we aren’t in debt (other than mortgage) I’ve definitely wasted a lot of money.

Today I have managed to sort out all of my loose ends and I’m ready to get back on the frugal wagon in an attempt to re-build some savings and afford a holiday for us all in the summer. I’m closing my Next account so that I don’t spend eye-watering amounts in the sale. I’ve still got my credit card as we tend to do all the food shopping/petrol on that and then clear it this month, I think I can trust myself to keep it. I just need to make sure I don’t overspend again.

So please send me your best frugal tips/motivation/encouragement and anything else you can think of to stop this happening again! Thank you

We are not high earners but feel that we should be spending less and saving more . We have made a real effort this month and what has massively helped is dh and I being on the same page and discussing money , what we need to buy this month , what we should be cutting back on . It didn't take much working out that on a afternoon out we would have a meal out or stop at McDonald's on the way home or get a takeaway. We went out Sunday I took a packed lunch for my ds which he ate in the car , we were out in the cold for a while and it would have been lovely to have gone into the nearby pizza express or TGI Fridays and have lunch but we didn't I nipped to Greggs and spent £6 instead and we both thought yep that's £40 saved there 😀

@Sublimeursula no need to be snide. I came on here looking for tips and advice as I would like to cut down on my spending and go back to my previous frugal ways. I’m very lucky that having a period of overspending has not resulted in any debt and it’s purely because we are quite a high income family. I just want to stop wasting money and build up some decent savings.

And maybe “overspending” is the wrong word as I’ve never spent more than we have coming in. But I was brought up to save and have previously been very good at it so I really feel like I have failed.

Have you tried Vinted? You can buy fairly good clothes cheaply. Also, for me, when I am tempted to buy something new I just think ‘that’ll be on Vinted for a fiver in a month or so’

It might help if you do think of it as overspending because, as you say, you should be able to save a decent amount, but a lot of money is just frittered.

If you don't start saving, as well as not being able to afford a holiday, what will you do in 5/10 years time when you come to replace your car and you have no savings?

@Hollyhocksauce that is a good idea thank you. I have just opened up a new regular saver account and I will set up a direct debit to that for the max amount allowed each month (£300). I may then also set up a direct debit to our ISA. I will go through the budget and work out a reasonable amount to be spending versus saving each month.

the issue I’ve had with this previously is that the credit cards need paying and so if I’ve spent more than I “should” on these then I still have to pay them off to avoid incurring interest. So then I can only save whatever is leftover. I have always used a credit card this way as I read that it helps your credit rating (!) and provides consumer protection and also we have always had reward cards so we get points or cash back for spending. So I would be reluctant to stop doing this. However if it seems like I’m struggling to cut down on spending then maybe I should just switch to spending directly out of the current account like someone suggested upthread.

@mycatsanutter thats a good way to think of it thank you. DH and I probably should discuss money a bit more. However he is very much a “live for the moment” type and thinks we should be able to go out for meals or take the kids to a cafe etc because we are on good incomes. I sort of agree with him and see his point so it’s hard to cut back there. However he is not at all materialistic and is not the one who has been spending excessively on kids clothes/toys/cushions for the lounge/random candles so that’s all on me really. If I just cut that out then we could continue to enjoy treats and meals out etc and still save a lot.

@BarbaraofSeville very good points, thank you. It is overspending because it’s unnecessary.

@Menopants i have used Vinted but because it’s so easy to spend on there I often feel like I’m actually wasting money. Like I think oh it’s only £4 so why not whereas I don’t actually need it. So I am trying to steer clear until I need a specific item. But as @BarbaraofSeville says maybe I could sell some of the kids outgrown toys and clothes on there. Has anyone sold on Vinted, is it easy?

Vinted is so so easy it literally takes a minute . Me and my friend got a carrier bag went into our kids bedrooms and gathered up clothes that didn't fit , toys that weren't played with , bed linen ,anything and put it on most sold within the week . Obviously you don't get a lot but it all adds up then the money sits in your Vinted account to spend or you can transfer it to your bank .

Really interested in this thread as it's similar to my circs.

Until a year ago I used You Need a Budget YNAB religiously tracking and planning how each £1 that came to me would be spent/saved and logging how money was actually spent then flexing accordingly.
These habits keep you naturally frugal in the same way tracking what you eat and drink keeps you mindful as to what you stuff in your gob.

Since I moved and got promoted I've not tracked or planned my spending once and suddenly have just a teeny embarrassing savings pot and have burned through £20k in a year (new house needed repairs, old car died so needed replacing but also many expensive weekends away and new house treats).

I'm like you I want to get back to good habits.

YNAB - this is a must for me. Creating and managing dedicated budget categories for absolutely everything.

No social media - instead of scrolling shopping you could learn a language on Duolingo like I am. It scratches the itch of 'what can I do on my phone while I'm stuck here in the dark.

Decluttering and moving towards a minimalist house and lifestyle

Being grateful for what you've got and setting intentional goals to achieve savings or travel ambitions.

(YNAB really is life changing if you è bit used it before and loads of helpful vids on YouTube explaining it)

Another idea from me which I'm doing a page in my diary/bullet journal listing things I'd like to buy (new cordless vacuum, tan Doc Martens etc) but not actually buying them until the budget says yes. Somehow creating and reviewing the list is almost has satisfying as the purchasing of and helps me feel in control and organised. Why would I impulse buy something not on the list.

I can relate as I definitely go through phases of comfort shopping, esp when work is stressful and wakey baby disables my common sense. I also buy stuff for the house and DC as it’s somehow more justifiable. Our financial situation also means it’s not critical but it is wasteful and I feel guilty about mindless consumerism.

We use Monzo for joint spending and I have my own account too. I put a specific “spendy” amount in every month and use that. The app categorises payments and provides reports so it’s really easy to track how much you’re spending on what. I think there are others like Starling that offer similar.

Things like removing saved cards can also help as every extra step to the payment is a step for you to stop yourself. And distracting yourself with games sounds good - I play loads of crap like candy crush. Oh and I’m quite susceptible to social media so stepping away from particularly instagram periodically is helpful too.

Thanks @mycatsanutter i will give it a try. Have a silly amount of outgrown kids stuff to sell!
@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss @Aozora13 Yes it’s the mindless spending that I’m a bit embarrassed about. Like, we should have a really decent savings pot but we don’t. I’ve just been very wasteful. @Aozora13 i wondered about monzo but couldn’t see how to get a joint account? Me and my DH put everything on the same credit card so if we switched to monzo it would all have to be in one account together.
can’t find now who suggested it but I have just downloaded the borrow box app! Thank you!

@Crabsy would it help if you just drew out cash for the week ? Work out what you actually NEED to buy that week and set yourself a challenge to not buy anything online .

@Crabsy sorry I don’t actually know as my DH set it up (I’m useless at that sort of thing!) but we have individual accounts, a joint account, individual & joint savings - all sorts!

I used to read my kindle in the dark instead of my phone. Felt
Like a slightly healthier habit!

@mycatsanutter maybe but I might find that a bit restrictive. And I want to be able to have the freedom to eg buy the next size shoes up for DD on a whim if I see them at a good price when I’m in town rather than always planning every single penny that I’m spending that week. I’ve always done my budgets on a monthly/yearly basis but not weekly. I want to be flexible and when we do choose to go out to eat, we’re fortunate enough that it doesn’t really matter if we spent £30 or £40 or £50 so I don’t want to be adding up the price of the main and the pudding and the drinks etc to check I’ve got enough cash. But what I need to ensure is that we then balance it out over the course of the month eg if we have eaten out at a nice pub and had a spendy day, the following week we won’t get go out or get a takeaway we’ll maybe just get an M&S dine in deal at the weekend. our spending on meals and coffees is generally fine it’s my bloody online shopping that’s ruining it all!

@Aozora13 ive managed to sign up and it’s now giving me the option to add a joint account! So I may well be able to do it