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Original poster

What the hell am I going to do ?

49 replies

potatoesalad · 03/01/2023 11:27

Just worked out Januarys budget. We are severely short of cash this month, a hell of a lot worse than I thought we we would be.

Its my sisters birthday this month she will be 40 and there are several huge celebrations planned plus a joint family gift plus a gift from me too. She is my sister and also my best friend, we are so very close.

Joint gift -£25 each
Celebration no1. - around £100 each
Celebration no.2 - around £30 each
plus my gift (TBC)

I cannot not get her a gift from me or not attend both the celebrations, No idea how I will afford any of this

OP posts:
MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 03/01/2023 11:29

But you've got her a gift the joint gift? That is from you as well.

I'm sure your sister at the age of 40 would be understanding that your bills & being able to afford to live/eat/be warm comes before a second present.

AWaferThinMint · 03/01/2023 11:29

You need to be honest and up front with her. If you're that close she won't expect you to struggle and will help you find a way through. I'm sure she'd rather have you there if that. Am be managed, rather than an expensive gift.

girlmom21 · 03/01/2023 11:38

Speak to your sister and tell her you can't afford it.

Galliano · 03/01/2023 11:41

Could your parents or another family member help you out?

KnickerlessParsons · 03/01/2023 11:44

Your sister is going to be 40, not 4. She doesn't need a lavish gift from you, nor from anyone really.
Why are you buying your own gift as well as contributing to the joint gift? And why is your sister having two celebrations? She's not the Queen!

Just tell her you'll go to the cheaper occasion, contribute to the joint gift, and leave it at that.
If you really want to do something special, don't contribute to the joint gift, and don't go to either occasion, but save the money to do something really nice for just you and her.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 03/01/2023 11:48

Be upfront with her. She doesn't need multiple "huge" celebrations, or an additional gift. At 40 she's old enough to understand that some people will have financial pressures right now.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 03/01/2023 11:49

Also, I wouldn't want my siblings to struggle in order to fund my birthday. I would only want them to spend what they can afford. I'm sure your sister feels the same.

MintJulia · 03/01/2023 11:50

girlmom21 · 03/01/2023 11:38

Speak to your sister and tell her you can't afford it.

This. Your sis would not want you to get into debt over a birthday party. Don't be silly.

Call her and explain that you are really struggling and you have to sit this one out.

Margo34 · 03/01/2023 11:50

How much had you been saving towards her 40th birthday? Spend whatever you budgeted for and bow out of the rest. Good sisters/family are very understanding and noone should expect you to overwhelm yourself with debt.

FleasNavidad · 03/01/2023 11:51

"How much had you been saving towards her 40th birthday?"

🙄

KnickerlessParsons · 03/01/2023 11:53

Is this all organised by your sister, or are people organising things for her?

BMW6 · 03/01/2023 11:56

Why can't you get her a gift later in the year when money is not so tight?

Could you buy gift or household food by credit card to be repaid in full next month?

redskydelight · 03/01/2023 12:04

You just pay towards the joint gift and don't go to the celebrations (or just go to the cheaper one). Nobody has to go to anything. Explain to your sister why you can't go, and organise something (free/cheap) that's just the two of you. Unless you are considerably poorer than the people you socialise with, you'll probably find that you are not the only one thinking like this.

KnittingDiva · 03/01/2023 12:04

"Your sister is going to be 40, not 4. She doesn't need a lavish gift from you, nor from anyone really."

This but I would also argue that no child needs everyone in their life to get them gifts or attend parties either.

In any relationship you should be able to say that at this exact point in time you are not able to buy/participate/attend... due to financial circumstances but will make it up later. Would your sister rather you were stressed or cut down on the real essentials so she has some gift (she probably doesn't really need or want) or have you at an event where she has plenty of others there?

MintChocCornetto · 03/01/2023 12:06

If she really is your best friend she will understand. I wouldn't want a friend to get into debt or have sleepless nights worrying about money because of my birthday.

KnickerlessParsons · 03/01/2023 12:07

BMW6 · 03/01/2023 11:56

Why can't you get her a gift later in the year when money is not so tight?

Could you buy gift or household food by credit card to be repaid in full next month?

Do you have to get her anything at all? Can you "just" give her your time and love?

AriettyHomily · 03/01/2023 12:08

I wouldn't want anyone to struggle to attend birthday events / give me presents. Just be honest.

Eixample · 03/01/2023 12:09

Does she have kids? Give her vouchers for you babysitting. Nothing would beat that as a present for me.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 03/01/2023 12:12

If she’s your best friend aswell as your sister then you can absolutely say to her “love you, can’t afford a gift right now”.

Daydreamer22 · 03/01/2023 12:12

I was forty a couple years back. I had a home party for close family and a local meal out with friends. People got me gifts with their usual spend. Nothing OTT.

If one of my family or friends had explained the above to me I’d have paid for them if needed and told them to bother with the gift. It was more important to me to have their company while I celebrated than anything else.

Don’t sit on it, contact her and explain your situation. You won’t be alone right now!

MaggieFS · 03/01/2023 12:14

If you are so close just talk to her. No one in their right mind would be upset about this. One gift and one celebration are more than ample.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/01/2023 12:20

If you’re close just be honest about your financial difficulties. I would try to find the money to go to celebration2 but at £100 it’s reasonable not to go to celebration1 if you can’t afford it.

Either pay the £25 towards the joint gift and don’t get another present or, if you will struggle to afford the £25, don’t put into the joint gift and buy her an individual gift for £5/£10. Lots of things are in the sale right now so it’s not a bad time to get something nice on a budget.

Bookkeys · 03/01/2023 12:49

Do you have anything you could sell to cover it?

I wouldn't get myself into debt for birthday presents or nights/days out and I wouldn't expect any family or friends to do that for me

LittleDisaster · 03/01/2023 12:51

Why would you not talk to your "best friend" about this? Why would any friend want you to spend money you don't have celebrating their birthday?

Porcinimushroom · 03/01/2023 12:52

If you’re as close as you say just tell her you are in financial trouble . She won’t want you to get into debt or struggle even more for her gifts and party