Are you going to struggle for gifts this year?

[nancydroo]

Last year I changed jobs to part time following a bereavement. I was able to afford presents last year but it was more scaled down gift wise and DS 10 said he was disappointed. DD 5 was happy enough but her presents are cheaper and looked bigger.

This year I have managed to cover bills but not been able to put any money away for Christmas and I'm worried DS is going to be even more disappointed. He asked for something which cost £600 and I said no. Then he asked for an older version of the item which I still can't afford. Rightly or wrongly, I then suggested he would need to think of something that matches the household that he lived in. His birthday is just after Christmas which makes it a bit harder.

Is anyone else going to seriously struggle this year or do you have any suggestions how I can make Christmas less focused on presents but about time spent together etc.

Every year seems to get harder. I have no emotional resilience to return to previous employment and it would end in disaster.

Sorry to hear that. Lots of people will be in the same position though. Maybe it would be a good time to have a chat with your son about his attitude regarding gifts, and about being grateful that he is able to have anything at all.

maybe charity shops are a good bet? I look through them year round for little extras I can throw in the gift sack for a couple of pounds (lots of like new stuff). Bulk it out with sweets and small gifts that will be useful one day (socks, pants that kind of stuff) so it seems like more. Also second hand on Facebook / Gumtree goods are always worth it.

But really it's about lowering his expectations.

Thanks for commenting. You're right I should have some sort of chat with him, it's how to do it. He found it hard when I downsized the car to get the equity out of it which also paid towards Christmas. Can't do that this year though!

That's a great idea thank you

Started already and bought several lovely things at really good prices second hand. We’ve all agreed we’ll be cutting right back this year, concentrating on our grandchild, which everyone is happy with.

I'm really worried about Christmas. I'm now a single parent with 3 children and an really going to struggle to save enough for their presents. I can cover the household bills comfortably, but then have all of the kids activities, clothes, school trips etc and am lucky if I have £20 left at the end of the month so am not saving anything at the moment. What little I had saved is going towards filing for divorce, solicitors bills and paying for mediation.

I am placing to sit down and talk to the children about the fact i won't be and to afford huge expensive presents. I will try to put tigether a Christmas stocking with lots of cheap things in and second hand nearly new bits too bulk their gifts out a bit.

I think a lot of people will be finding things very hard this year.

Your son is at a good age to just explain that you are not working full time at the moment, as you are still healing from your loss. So there is less money than there was before. He will get something, but nothing costing so much as £600. As another poster mentioned, you may get something really good in a charity shop. It is ok for children to understand that they can not always have what they desire.

Do keep an eye out second hand though - there may be lots of people looking to free sone cash up around Christmas

I'm sorry you are struggling too.

The children have dropped one paid activity each over the last month and normally I would have encouraged them to keep at it but I was thinking of how much it would reduce the budget, even though it's just a little i was relieved.

I think a sit down is a good idea. My youngest still believes in Santa but I've said that mummy gives Santa the money and he brings the presents. Trying to lay the groundwork already ...

As a family we have agreed to do secret santa for the adults (£40 limit) and only one small gift per person for young kids, of which there are only 3.

It's really hard. My eldest is 9YO and wants more expensive things. But still wants loads to open on Christmas morning.

We've not had the chat about Santa yet. He probably knows but I want to try and keep it going for 7YO for one more year at least.

They've heard DH and I moaning enough about prices going up and being careful with money. I'm just gonna have to tell them that even Santa's got to watch the electric bill!

10 is maybe too young but would your DS respond well to having a budget and picking his own main gift? He would soon figure out he can get a (version of) PlayStation/phone/bike whatever it is that he wants much cheaper on a 2nd hand site. I personally would prefer this and I know my dc would be happy to go with this approach too.

Definitely look for second hand locally. If the 'big thing' is a console, on Facebook you can pick up a PS4 for £60-90 on marketplace, which is still a lot, but much more manageable. Have the chat and explain, if he's wanting more expensive things, there will be less presents as the budget is tight.
We've explained to ours that cost of everything is rising and things will be tighter this year etc, they're 6 and 7.
We'll be struggling too, but hunt for the bargains when we can in the lead up, and other things will be second hand if possible.

This is so true. Their expectations are so high what with adverts and YouTube kids videos. I had said last year to DS that if he wanted the PlayStation games that he was asking for his presents would look less than his sister's but in fact hers would be half the price. And would he be okay with that. He seemed to get it at the time but on the day was really down. I thought I had prepared him enough and he didn't even play with the cheaper smaller gifts I'd got so he would have more to open.

He's got the Xbox and ps4 and loads of games but always wants more. I sold some games last year to put in the Christmas fund. I'm defo going to look at second hand stuff and try and get things more grounded. I'm determined not to get into unmanageable debt for one day. Maybe I'll have more emphasis on traditions and making the house look more magical and christmassy and carol services etc rather about unwrapping stuff

This is an interesting idea thank you and would have the benefit of realising how much items cost. Initially he would feel it's a lot of money then he would be able to adjust his wants to fit the budget. Love it. Starting to feel more hopeful now an action plan is coming together.

If he wants a bigger present can you suggest he has it as a joint present for Xmas and birthday combined? My ds's birthday is mid december and we have done this a number of times.

Hi, the problem is entirely expectations isnt it, firstly because kids think everyone else is getting LOADS (and let's face it, some will even if it's on credit card), second they don't understand the value of money, and third they have a memory of lots of gifts in the past.

I was lucky as a kid that though we were poor, we had oodles of Christmas tradition and I never noticed the low budget. Starting with making a Christmas cake, Christingle service at church, making mince pies, bringing out last years Christmas decorations and usually making some more, Christmas shopping with pocket money in the John Lewis (my parents rarely actually bought anything!), big rigmarole around wrapping what presents we had and putting them under the tree. Mum bringing in sprigs of pine and holly from our garden. Then Carol service on xmas eve, or church on Christmas day. And everyone pitching in to help make lunch and lay the dinner table and my dad driving out to fetch my grandmother over for dinner. Then James Bond or Chitty Bang Bang or whatever which everyone talked over while we played board games for the rest of the day. Christmas was just the best time of year, by far. I have the strongest, fondest memories of it.

Once or twice I was disappointed that a much-longed-for gift wasnt delivered by Father Christmas. Disappointment is part of life and I learned that you can be happy without always getting all the stuff you thought you couldnt live without, even if all your best friends seemed to have more or have exactly what you wanted.

But you know I don't recall now what gifts I didn't get. I just remember all the rest if it, and how happy we all were.

That's lovely and sounds like a great Christmas. Now you mention it I don't remember what I got for Christmas but what we did. I was brought up in the church so the meaning was different and Christmas was more about the Christmas story and church events choirs carol singing. The big Christmas dinner driving to see family. Putting our school decorations on the tree every year...
I'm going to involve them more in the preparations and try to build happy memories. That's more important.

Yes it's possible. He has now written a new Christmas list since I said no to the expensive gift and I'm too apprehensive to look at ir but he said he wants a big surprise present. So maybe I can pull the both together somehow. Thank you for the suggestion

£600 is crazy. I could afford it but I wouldn't agree to it, it would be Christmas and birthday at least

Yep was thinking the same, 2nd hand is the way to go. We've had a Wii bundle for £115 and Xbox last year for £80. Tons of games, controllers and extras. I once got DD a massive dolls house, 'it's bigger than me' she squealed, for £40 on ebay.

I do feel for anyone feeling like this, whether it's expectation management with the DC or relatives piling pressure. We had 19 nieces, nephews and friends children to buy for at one point and my siblings were 'hurt' when I asked if we could only buy for the under 18s. I've reduced that to our three parents, 2 DSC, my three siblings and great niece and nephew. The rest are now over 18 and my friends and I agreed not to buy each others DCs. My siblings still buy for the nieces and nephews (age 26 to 44). I send them a decorated jar of homemade jam.

Due to that pressure in the past, I've never been able to spend a lot on my DC and DH and I don't buy for each other. I hope one year I can really treat them, but as it stands their expectations have never been too high and they still love it 😍

I wish we could do secret santa for the adults, that's a great idea.

Absolutely. I said even if I could afford that would you be happy with one present at Christmas and he said no 🤦🏼‍♀️

A few years back when money was tight I used to save Nectar points all year and spend them for Christmas gifts for our child (toys or a new videogame).Christmas or his Birthday was the only time he got a new videogame otherwise we always bought second-hand from Cex , charity shops or Ebay (still do). It was even better when Sainsburys used to offer the Nectar double up. I was also doing some surveys while watching TV in the evening and save up the Amazon or Marks gift cards to spend at Christmas. We never had a huge amount of gifts anyway and for years we just spent £10 each for my husband and myself just to have a little thing to open Christmas morning. Our child usually gets a biggish gift (not £600 worth! even now that we could afford it) and a couple of useful things that he needs.He has never mentioned that he felt disappointed but we have always been very clear about the household finances since he was very young.

Thanks for the tips. Very useful. Yes I'll have a little chat with him and perhaps update some of his clothes. He likes clothes at the mo