How to afford more than 1 child?

[Murphy07]

I'd like a second child but nursery fees are between £650-800 a month for DS and after tax I only make £1400.

DH is on a 50k salary so I think we could probably afford a second child if I quit my job, but I'm worried it'd be really hard to get a job again if I take a break for a few years. I'd prefer not to lose my career prospects forever :/

Do I need to wait until DS is 4 and in school?

How do people afford to have 2 kids within 2-3 years of each other?

My husband gave us his job to be a SAHD (he has a property he rents out so it wasn't his only income) and now 6 years later he's pretty much excluded from the job market, been trying to get back in for 2 years and nada even before covid. We do regret it if I'm honest but didn't realise how hard it would be for him to get even a foothold back in work. So think very hard before giving up work!

Why can’t you afford a second child once your eldest goes to school. My LO is 3 next month and so then gets 30hrs free from the government, I am
due my 2nd the beginning of winter. So by the time I return from mat leave my eldest will start school and my youngest will start nursery. Unless you have huge outgoings, where’s the issue?

Once your oldest is over three their nursery bill should drop right down if you get funded hours. And you could potentially reduce their hours while you’re on mat leave so only claiming what you can get through funding.

I think for a lot of people there is a huge financial hit in the pre school years but it’s them making a conscious decision to not make much money through working, or in some cases even a loss if they’re in a position to absorb that, to keep a foot in the door so that when kids are in school it’s worthwhile again. Undoubtedly it’s hard to have two close together though so a lot of people have a bigger gap for that reason.

I stopped working after my second maternity leave. Like you, childcare for 2 didn't make sense.

I've been thinking about this too as currently on mat leave with my first baby. There's no way I could give up work to be a SAHM so I was thinking the best way would be to time it so by the time my second goes into nursery, I'll be able to claim the free nursery hours for my first. I would just have both at home with me while on maternity leave I guess?!

Also it does seem like on paper it should be manageable if your husband earns £50k and you have an income of £1.4k/month. Do you have a very high mortgage or other outbound? Our income is comparable to yours and yes nursery fees are eye watering but do-able and our mortgage payments aren’t small either (£900). Not meaning that as gloating or anything, just to say that it looks like it should be possible?

Just wait? Why does everyone get obsessed with the 2 year age gap?!

Thank you all for your responses! It's very true that getting my job back if I left for a few years could be very hard, so I probably won't go down that route.

Our nursery still charges pretty high fees even with the 30 hours free (you end up paying about 50-60%, they say the gov top up doesn't cover their costs). Do your nurseries not charge a lot once your child is 3?

Realistically, I should probably wait until DS is 3 to try for a second and have them when DS is close to starting school.

We do have pretty big outgoings because DH's commute eats up £500 a month and for at least another 5 years he pays a couple hundred on student finance. That plus a mortgage. That said for now we have a good amount left over each month...just sad that I wouldn't be able to afford 2 kids close together and work at the same time, but that's life and we are fortunate to have DS :) ... though maybe should look at other nurseries to see if they charge less with the 30hrs free...

Thank you all

@Pegase, I don't know, I guess because 2 years means they might have similar age related interests and holiday activities might be easier?

I could be completely wrong but the worry with a 4 year gap is I won't be able to ever please both! But like I said I may be completely wrong.

We did it, 2 year age gap which is exactly what we wanted. We aren’t spectacularly wealthy people (both on 50k ish) and I made sure I went back to work after six months with the first so had full maternity package again With the second. I’ve gone back again after the second and picked up. It was tough but totally worth it!! Love it now. Surely you can afford the fees for two on your combined wages? It’s only for a short time that they require nursery fees so we just took the financial hit. Our local primary is amazing so very happy to send them there and won’t be paying fees then.

I'm planning/hoping to have second DC once DD has turned four. Partly because of childcare and career considerations, but also medical considerations for me so not completely the same situation but I've had those same thoughts about childcare and don't want to/would struggle with two in nursery.
I also like the idea that if we can have a second then, the baby would get a similar focus and level of attention as DD got when I was on maternity leave with her, if older DD is at school it's just me and baby during the day, which seems more manageable to me to be honest than a newborn and a preschooler all day every day, I think that combo might make me lose the plot a lot more than I currently do!

For most people the govt funded childcare hours make a dramatic change to the monthly nursery bill for DC1, making the second bill affordable and a 2.5-3 year gap realistic. Some people wait until school starts for DC2 as well.

I would caution you against equating the nursery bill with your salary only. Yes it’s true you could give up work and be cost neutral in the short term but childcare is a household expense and should be balanced against your future earning potential which might be damaged by a long career break. (Also if you split etc etc). And honestly, balancing work and parenting is actually way easier while they are at nursery before the full school chaos starts

OP for comparison our nursery bill for three days went from £750 to £250 so your charge does seem very high to me. Def worth looking around if you’re not dead set on that nursery.

I have a 3.5yr age gap between my two and they're incredibly close. Once the baby gets a bit older then there's very little they can't do together and when babies are tiny they don't do much anyway!

I took a short career break between the two to cover the period just before DD1 starting school, but it's not impacted my career really (not in the same way taking two maternity leaves has).

Bear in mind that a) they take 9mo to grow, and b) you can take a year of maternity leave, and keeping that in mind I would personally count back from school starting for DC1 and plan from there.

I'd have a second child once first starts school. Be a 4-5 year gap which is great

@harper30 that's a really nice way of thinking of it which I hadn't considered, so thank you! I do imagine it would be easier with DS at school as I could nap when the baby naps etc as well. And I suppose they can find common ground when they're adults and maybe with a 4 year gap there'll be fewer fights.

No one else is our family has kids though, so my worries are that DS will end up full of himself, too spoilt since he is worshipped by both our families being the only baby...and also that he won't have the experience of having any kids in the family to play with.

@Flamingolingo, oh no does it get harder when they go to school? :O

Are you using the tax free childcare element too Op? You would make a saving there. Realistically I think you can do it, based on your salaries... you might have less disposable income for 2/3 years buts it’s doable.

For me less disposable income is far more attractive than giving up a job for a couple of years and struggling to get one / being financially reliant on someone

Also for four days a week our bill went from 700 to 300odd with 3 few hours

School is harder as you either need wrap around care, or a job that is flexible.
Then there are also school hols too cover too!

Some places do slight discount for more than one child.

Could you find somewhere that meant you broke even if you continued to work meaning you still kept your job?

Could you afford to live off just DHs wage?

I'm very lucky as I'm pregnant with DC2 and have a 16 month old, DM and MIL look after DC1 2 days each and DH 1 day whilst I work from home. However my DH is self employed and can work around me so if anything happened to our arrangement we could cope without the granny's

@Murphy07 I definitely found it easier when mine were at nursery. Long childcare days, one childcare provider. Once you get to school you have wraparound care and school holidays to sort out

Could you time it so that the older one gets funded hours by the end of your maternity leave.

Eg. TTC when oldest is 18 months, even if you catch straight away, oldest will be 2+3 when babies born. Take them out of nursery and have both at home for 9 months, then both go to childminder (usually cheaper than nursery). You'd be paying full fees for youngest plus topping up oldest from 30 funded to whatever you need. Then whatever you do pay, go through tax free childcare account to reduce it by another 20%.

It will be tight but doable if you want a smaller age gap.

Don't give up your job in the current climate. I think things are going to get very tough with huge unemployment. Maybe have a 3.5 - 4 year gap as other posters have suggested.

My two are now 20 and 25. I worked straight through although I managed to negotiate a 4 day week when they were young which made things much easier. Unless you are in a profession that facilitates re-entry like nursing ir teaching I would recommend not giving up work. Even if you aren't taking home much your employer is still paying into your pension and you are gaining experience and skills to put on your CV which will stand you in good stead in the future. I met many middle aged women working well below their skills and qualifications after having taken a career break