How to afford more than 1 child?

[Murphy07]

I'd like a second child but nursery fees are between £650-800 a month for DS and after tax I only make £1400.

DH is on a 50k salary so I think we could probably afford a second child if I quit my job, but I'm worried it'd be really hard to get a job again if I take a break for a few years. I'd prefer not to lose my career prospects forever :/

Do I need to wait until DS is 4 and in school?

How do people afford to have 2 kids within 2-3 years of each other?

Remember nursery fees isn’t just your responsibility it should be a family bill.

For us I gave up working (had no family to help) had 4 DC became a SAHM for 11 years, went back to uni and retrained when I only needed childcare for 2, now I work full time and don’t need childcare at all. It’s so difficult.

My DD is turning 2 in november and I am due DC2 the same month. My plan is to take maternity and then put both in childcare when DC2 is 10 months and ho back to work part time earning about 1300 a month. Then DD1 gets 30 hours free childcare from 3 years and 3 months (jan 2022) so we will just be paying for DC2 in childcare which is 650 a month with a 20% tax back from the government (which everyone is entitled to claim no matter your income so make sure you have signed up to this). Admittedly, we have a small mortgage of 600 a month as we live in a cheap area, but we can afford the second kid. It does mean paying more in childcare for those first few months back in work than I earn, but I am thinking a break may do such huge damage to my career that I may never recover from it.

The way it worked at our nursery, if you only used it PT there was a huge saving in nursery fees. It was only 15 funded hours then but split over 2 or 3 days and with slightly shortened hours (Eg they let you do 9-5 instead of 8-6). I wouldn't rule out shopping round for a nursery move to be honest, not to compromise on your child's care but because there may be other options out there, cheaper and better. You save some on nursery fees overall also by having a second mat leave while your older one's still at home - we kept ours in nursery but on shorter hours so that was a whole 12 months of lower nursery fees.

All that said, a 2 year gap is overrated and I do think a bigger one would have been better for us, in terms of coping rather than financially.

OP the childcare reason was the main deciding factor for our almost 4 year gap. I was lucky in my nursery they let you stretch the 30 hour funding over 50 weeks so I changed my working patter to facilitate that (I’m very luck with my manager) and pay a couple of hours of wrap around which has reduced my monthly bill dramatically. When DC1 goes to school DC2 will go into nursery and I have negotiated to return from mat leave my original contracted pattern/hours and the nursery have wrap around care for DC1 which is manageable. It’s cost and worth short term output for a long term gain for me. I didn’t want to not work-I love my job and although it works for many SAHP would not be for me and taking a few years out would Potentially mean a course to return to practice and dropping back to the bottom of the pay scale. Are you accessing tax free childcare which saves 20%? My nursery also offers a sibling discount of 5-10% depending on hours so as other posters have said it may be worth ‘shopping around’ local nurseries.

Free nursery hours kick in at 3, or take a career break - people manage on far less income. The problem is many people don't want their lifestyle to change when kids come along - kids are expensive!

I quit work until both kids were at primary school, they deserved to be put first

@okiedokieme

Free nursery hours kick in at 3, or take a career break - people manage on far less income. The problem is many people don't want their lifestyle to change when kids come along - kids are expensive!

I quit work until both kids were at primary school, they deserved to be put first

For some people staying in work is putting their kids first to pay their bills, maintain mental health etc. Situations change, global pandemics happen, redundancies are made, relationships breakdown the list goes on.... Future proofing yourself is no bad thing, career breaks are no bad thing but good luck getting one, DP is self employed doing exceptionally well pre covid but now... we had a significant cushion because as you say kids are expensive. For lots of people SAHP parenting isn’t as option but it by no means means they haven’t put their children first.

I chose a 6.5 year gap for dc1 and dc2, they get on great, never had any holiday-activity trouble. I have plenty of friends who have a similar gap with their DC only there is a middle child too - but regardless, the gap between oldest and youngest is the same, and they don’t seem problematic either. And then I chose work that meant I didn’t need to send DC to childcare.

Nursery fees are the reason dd2 was due 5 days after her big sister turned 4.

Thanks everyone! My job have actually said I can work from home forever now (one good thing to come out of lockdown lol) so no chance of me leaving for a few years and risk losing that!

Will wait until DS is 2 before TTC DC2. A 3-4 year gap will have to work for us :)

I worked for free for around 2yrs as my entire salary went on nursery fees but I knew it was right for our family as I didn't want to give up my career, it was for a short period of time and we were able to live on my OH salary.

We have a 3.5 age gap here. DD1 starts school in September.

Something to keep in mind, some people are saying that you can keep your first child at home during your second mat leave. Please check with your nursery that it’s easy to do this.

Our nursery is so oversubscribed that we wouldn’t get DD1 back in if we took her out so we had little choice but to keep her in. However it was good for her to keep contact with her friends and it was nice to have done 1-2-1 time with the baby.

I had three close together. I stopped work for a couple of years and went back to uni part time. DH works shifts so he looked after them 1 day a week, I did a swap half a day a week with a friend and they went to a childminder 1 day a week. They are now all teens and I work full time but feel really lucky that I had all those years with them, also made amazing friends as had so much time to do nice day trips etc. We definitely were a lot more skint but worth it as never get that time back. We just ate simply, lengthened the mortgage (now overpaying), cheap holidays, etc. Stayed part time until the youngest was 8 and now full time doesn't feel like the extra money is that noticeable.

Could you work around each other for a few years so no childcare costs?

We had an 18months age gap.
Joint income at the time was £25k as I was a student nurse.
We sent both DDs to a childminder full time for £670 a month in total
Would that be an option? Nurseries are notoriously expensive

School is a bit harder as not all schools have breakfast and after school clubs - check out the ones local to you. But there are often local childminders who will take your kid around breakfast time and take them to school for you for a small fee, so don't panic.

I had a 3 year age gap.

When I had my second, my eldest attended a local playgroup. Gave me time with my youngest, and was free (funded hours). By the time I went back to work at the end of my mat leave, my eldest had started school. As I only worked part time, I worked around my eldest's school hours. If you time the age difference right, depending on when your eldest was born, you can do a 3 year gap without paying for two lots of childcare.

Three year gap was perfect for me. The children played together loads, shared (and still do) a hobby together but had no sibling rivalry as both understood the age difference meant they didn't compete with each other. That in itself is a miracle, given how competitive my eldest is. Had they been closer in age, I think the rivalry would have dominated. As it is, they are very close and teenagers now. They have just planned their first weekend break away together without me or my husband!

You could start TTC earlier as if you took 9-12mths maternity leave, you could have child number two when eldest children us about 2 to 2yrs 3 months. So could have a 2 to 2.5 year age gap. Then return to work when eldest child is 3 and has funded hours.

We have a 6 year old and 2 year old whose age gap was meticulously planned for exactly this reason. We were v lucky re fertility/conceiving of course as I realise "meticulously planned" may well not work as a guarantee!

People over think age gaps and get too bogged down by the pros and cons of this or that. If you need the age gap to afford nursery - then thats a choice made isn't it? Surely you wouldnt quit your career to guarantee an arbitrary age gap?

My DS is August born so I planned to have DD in the March so just kept him in nursery for his free hours then and by the time I went back after DD, DS was in school. I know someone with a small gap who took a loan and repaid it over a longer period. I wouldn’t quit your job, have a longer gap or take the hit for a year or so

I understand if you want another child but really in my opinion its completely irresponsible if you cant actually afford it. We cant always have what we want can we. Sometimes better to just accept the facts and be thankful for what you have rather than ending up struggling to cope and essentially becoming a burden on the rest of society. Just seems a bit selfish really.

On the plus side its refreshing to hear someone actually considering this before having kids for a change.

Timed it so my first child was three before second was born.
I then took a a year for maternity leave and when I returned to work I had one starting reception and a 1 year old at nursery. Worked out fine.

We had two with a 2 year age gap and we used a childminder as she was cheaper than a nursery. Plus, I worked 4 days a week so we managed it just about and this was before the free 30 hours childcare.

ZOMBIE THREAD! 😀
MN HQ should disable zombie threads so we can't comment on them.!

I'm v late to this thread but just wanted tomorrow some reassurance that it's not difficult to get back on career ladder... I took an almost 5 year gap (still working but in a job well below my career before kiddies) and have just started a new role on track from where I left off. Since starting 3days ago I've been approached by 2 other companies with similar roles. I don't think the break bothers potential employers. X

I know how you feel. Hubby and I decided it's totally unaffordable so we are just going to stop at one kid.

Our nursery is £1200 a month, which is over half my salary. Add in £900 rent, bills, and general cost of living and we hardly have anything left each month.

Really looking forward to the 30 hours kicking in when DD turns 3 in a month or two!