Austere April continues with the Friendly Frugaleers! Join us as we discuss our direct debits, prattle about penny pinching and possibly babble about Brexit...

[Cagliostro]

All welcome!

Ok I need to get back on board with this thread, will do a catch up post later today. Miss you guys! Thanks cag for new thread.

I went away at the weekend, left early sat morning spent €5.75 on breakfast from a deli counter & newspaper and 2 mini eggs. Carvery lunch included with course I was on. Mileage claim gone in for €112.14 and hotel cost was €133.20 so net cost of hotel for the night €21.06 and it was a beautiful 4 * hotel with an amazing breakfast, we had one of the smaller suites on top floor. First night away with new man. After that I paid for one round of drinks I'm finding it uncomfortable being treated to everything. I think I need to figure out why he pays - is he traditional? is it because he thinks I can't afford it? Is it because I'm going through separation/selling house etc? or because he just likes to? I know he's generous, I've seen that in how he treats his family. He paid for dinner on both days, all the drinks on Sat night, except that one I managed to pay for as he was outside smoking. I paid for hotel but I think that might be because it was covered by expenses and that maybe he misunderstood that.

I'm an independent girl woman and I'm finding it awkward, I don't want it to be our first row but I don't know if I can change my way of thinking to accept this always. I know he can afford it but that's not the point.

My friend, also an independent woman just says to enjoy it. She also started a new relationship and they nipped it in the bud quite early on.

I would be ok with it if he paid for the rest as I was paying for hotel though. How do I approach this, just simple question why do you pay for everything? I have tried paying for meals & he's just taken my money, handed in his own and given me mine back after.

Anyhow sunday I spent €11 on snacks for myself and stuff for dc that evening, and went to Aldi and spent €19 on topup shop for Monday's lunches. I've dropchef ordered for delivery today €29.85 and I spent €56.66 in Dunnes last night.

On a different note - got my house valued again last week and valuation concurs with other auctioneer so have decided to proceed using the two of them and I've 3 weeks to get the house photo ready for sale

Have closed next account and need to swap my credit card for a zero interest one. It has £470 on it.

Ah glad you had a fab time North

And Happier - going well with the new man then? . Personally in your shoes I’d let him treat me, on the understanding that I will sometimes treat back and he should accept graciously. I don’t think it has to be equal between people as long as it feels balanced according to the circumstances (money being one of them but other effort being another - DH used to pay probably a bit more often than I did when we were out in the early days but I did a lot of cooking for him at home - fancy stuff included - and he rarely cooked.

Wreck that must feel good, you’ve had that card hanging over you for a while I think?

Not a good week here so far. DM is still ill so we’ve no childcare this week again. I am already taking some unpaid leave for the school hols so DH is taking unpaid leave for the 2 extra days. We are basically 4 days’ pay down this week. Can’t be helped but I am starting to wonder whether I can feasibly work, even not quite full time. We don’t have enough leave to cover the summer holidays and I just can’t find anything suitable for DS in the holidays or after school . Am feeling quite worried tbh.

Sea my friend whose ds is autistic gets funding for a PA who cares for her ds in the holidays. Can you look into something like that?

Managed to transfer my cc with a card 0% transfer fee and it'll be paid off way before the interest starts. Also have now got 2for1 meerkat movies and eating out. Might not ever use it but still.

It isn't a nsd as I ordered ds a new car seat. £38 and 5% TopCashback. Free delivery.

We're just doing face masks

Pleased you are enjoying yourself with your new man Happier. I agree with Sea - you treat him another time.

Sea have you thought about term time working. Should be possible in the NHS

Wreck that’s a great result on the card. I use the meercat thing in school holiday, means we can both go to the cinema for £8-£10 rather than the £25 it would normally cost (and which I refuse to pay)

Not in my management role Wolf - they need me full time really but have been flexible about pt - can’t see term only working really.

What’s a PA Wreck? Tbh I’d earn enough to cover the cost, it’s a question of finding the person though. Wraparound childcare in the home is nigh on impossible to find round here - everyone would want it and few people would choose an SN child when the demand massively outstrips supply anyway and they could choose from dozens of ‘easier’ jobs.

Yesterday was spendy - private SLT, don’t know how much yet, maybe £100ish, and then I took DS to the giant Waterstones at Piccadilly Circus. It was just the two of us so we could go out on an excursion (needs a 1:1 adult so we are more or less housebound for the rest of the week is ). DS specifically asked to go on the underground. I wasn’t sure where to go but figured the giant Waterstones would have a coffee shop for a cake break (it did) and he’d like buying a new book (he did). It was a relatively successful trip actually, though I ended up spending £30 on books and £15 on cake and lunch for DS and drinks for me. Could have been so much more on books, I was restrained! It’s an amazing entire floor of children's books, my eyes were on stalks!

DM tells me the probate on my granny’s estate is almost completed so she should be able to distribute our inheritances soon. I was planning a new kitchen and other home repairs but might sit on it for a bit as I’m not sure if the work situation is going to pan out.

A personal assistant for the child. The money comes via the disabilities team in social services. She uses her as respite during the holidays and she also does weekends so that her and her dh can go out together for the day as her parents can have her dd or her dd can go to nursery still in the holidays.

Ooh I’ve been to that Waterstones sea it’s amazing isn’t it?! What did you get? I’m nosy :o

I’m basically sticking with used board books at the moment as although Rowan adores them she is still rough on them 😳 but round here they go for a quid or less in the charity shops. But there’s the odd one I really want to get, for example an Elmer colour one in French, and some of those science ones that are all the rage now, basically because the older two love reading to her and those are their current subjects of choice :o

As for the childcare wish I knew what to suggest :( hope your mum gets better soon

Fair point Sea. My colleague managed to get agreement for two days unpaid leave a week during the summer hols in a (relatively) senior mgmt role. We had to agree not to have overlapping days though so there will always one in - appreciate that option doesn’t work for all circs though.

So today marks exactly a year since my marriage blew up. Not sure how to feel really.

Happier maybe say to him it’s lovely you treating me but I’d like to treat you sometimes too. It may be he’s not understood that you hvent had to pay for the hotel too

Curried sweet potato soup for dinner with cheese toasties. Ds had three bowls!

It's may be with looking for a personal assistant for DS. Someone I work with gets here's through a local disability action group.

It's shit at the minute but not helped by your DM being unwell. Will she be ok by summer. What about WFH on the morning 7-11 take the DC out then log back in on the evening. Tight to get your day in but it's a best of both.

Nsd today.

Well done on the card wreck.

Happier pleased things are going well. Say it's lovely you (he) are treating me but I want to treat your at times too. I think the fact you offer and he declines means he genuinely wants to treat you.

Wolf (hugs) don't know the detail but from what you said you did the right thing. I recall it's not all resolved yet but you are awesome. DS will get there too

Wow wolf a year already! Big hugs. It’s ok to feel, well, anything really. Just let yourself have some time to dwell on it if that’s what you need

Glad things are going well with new dude happier do we get any details :o

I ordered from yesbebe again. All your fault :o that is where the new bra is coming from, and one of the smaller grimms rainbows for Cagletini. My grandma gave us some Easter money and mine has gone on King of the Hill season 6 :o

Ah I see. That must be through a direct payment. My LA is phasing those out - not officially but word is they are not approving anything new and will cut the existing budgets at the first opportunity. We sort of fall into a gap anyway - DS is deemed to be not too needy because he is verbal and able to attend a mainstream school mainly because there’s no capacity in the special schools . But the massive anxiety and rigidity and emotional outbursts are what makes him very dependent. We’ll see. I think I’m going to need to find and pay someone to attend Beavers with him so maybe I’ll try applying for a budget this summer when we have his annual review.

Wolf I remember you posting the next day, or thereabouts. What a year you’ve had .

Cag I’ve been to that Waterstones lots of times but I don’t think I’d ever been to the children’s floor before. It was sooo lovely - spacious, clean, not too busy, lovely staff. I think we might go as a family some time over the summer and have a picnic in Green Park too. DD missed out and she’d love it too, she is a mad little bookworm. I bought Peppa’s Easter Egg Hunt for DD 🙄, a couple of special edition Mr Men books for DS 🙄 (current obsession - not really reading them but stimming by lining things up over the grid on the back) and then some sensible books. A Lynley Dodd book about Scarface Claw for DD, and a book in a comic strip format for DS (called something about a dog? Can’t quite remember) - trying to bridge the gap between picture books and higher reading. DS still needs visual clues for comprehension but is a good reader technically. Oh, and a tooth fairy book which DS asked for (he’s still not sure about losing teeth!). There were loads of books I’d have bought for DD but I thought I’d save the pleasure till I could take her

Sea that's so funny, my friend posted a photo of her bathroom floor which was just a (very neat) sea of mr men books!

Considering London tomorrow. Dh has given me some money. I do feel it would be more sensible not to spend it but it would also be the only thing we do this Easter. Hmmm.

£19 for three pairs of snag tights as they finally have some black ones in stock and friends rave about them

I lied. £10 aquaman dvd £6.50 new diary of wimpy kid book. 33p ibuprofen

Finally got ds to sleep so I could move clothes back into our room (and put them in the new wardrobes!!!) and make the bed.

Was half making bed when ds started crying. And crying. And crying. We sat on the unmade bed for a while with catface. She was super tolerant and let ds ruff her fur up a bit a lot

He’s had cough medicine and some calpol. And is snoring his head off. Finally.

Lamb curry for dinner. Dh has used the leftover rice and has made Singapore style rice for lunch tomorrow. Yay.

Three days of work left until after Easter. I’m taking a well deserved week off next week. Planning on doing the wardrobe cull, eBaying a few things, and working hard on my assignment for a couple of days.

Nsd today.

Second yesbebe order in as many days 😳 some cloth sanitary towels on offer (I have a few already but not enough for a full cycle) and finally a stainless steel bottle. Been wanting to switch for a long time but have finally bitten the bullet, will get Caglets to try it too as I’d like to get them their own ones.

Wolf a year already . Think how far you have come. All those things you have done and made happen by yourself. Awesome. 😀

Been awake since 5. Ds coughing like a trooper. No temperature though so I assume just one of those things. Reluctant to get up now. Seriously don’t want to. Bed is warm. Bed is nice. Bed is life.

But work also needs to happen. Have US tax returns to complete today for a client and also property tax returns to submit to Hmrc. I need to call them too. Fun.

Should be nsd today though. No planned spends.

£100 in our account yesterday from premium bonds. Wahoo. That’s the most we’ve won in one month. Every month we’ve won something which is goodness. Even if it’s “only” £25.

We're going to chessington today now. My friend has some 'bring a friend for £15' tickets so will be £45 for the three of us. Taking a picnic. Our heating system is being replaced from today so will be nice to be out of the house.