Festive Frugaleers - Chatting and saving through Christmas.

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Just setting up the new thread for the chatty Frugaleers.

By popular request - copied from an old thread grin

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/other_subjects/1324074-For-those-who-cant-afford-to-use-central-heating-this-year-How-are-you-going-to-cope

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/1543785-your-top-tips-for-money-saving-and-a-more-frugal-life

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/1600030-Small-money-saving-habits-petty-even

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/1628874-Gas-Elec-Bills-monthly-and-SKY-so-angry

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1911061-NO-MORE-COLD-MUMSNETTERS

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2209167-Slow-Cookers-are-shit

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2224969-saving-money

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2258202-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-6-start-the-new-year-with-a-clear-purpose-and-keep-moving-forwards-even-by-tiny-steps?

orchard.tesco.com/ Sign up to this.

www.topcashback.co.uk/home And this.

www.quidco.com/home/ And this

www.moneysavingexpert.com/ And this

www.moneysavingexpert.com/cheapenergyclub ditto.

www.checkoutsmart.com/ Plus this.

www.hotukdeals.com/all/deals/new?page=3 Check this daily.

Gosh, a wasp in December? Ouch!
Productive day here. 3 loads of laundry, all housework done, everything gift to post wrapped, all cards written and Pilates. Spends: £7.88 Co-op and £1.90 bus fare home.

I love the cat's reaction to the tree. Ours thinks it is really funny to try to bite the lights .

I wonder if cat face has ever seen a christmas tree before? I think she's quite an intelligent cat from her photos, she has an air of one who studies.

I'm kind of relieved that it's not just me who's a bit under the weather now. I tried getting an hour of sunlight in the garden today, and then eating fish for vitamin D, and am now resorting to ironing, to see if meditative activities help. I know it's probably just winter though. I wish it would shove off and let us get on with things.

I ordered some bulky looking cheap things for dh and self so we'd look as though we also have a big pile of presents on Christmas day, but I have accidentally ordered massive things that will dwarf ds's pile (e.g. a pillow, which came full size and not squished in a box, and things like that). Tricky.

It's still nearly two weeks 'till Christmas, but I feel as though I'm holding my breath now as if it was two days. Does anyone else do that?

@ Unescorted.

This morning saw DH get up first, empty the dishwasher, tidy up a his breakfast stuff and sort the dogs so my being pissed off must have had an impact.

I got 2 of the Soap and Glory sets. One if for DD, who loves the stuff. The other, I shall use the stuff I like and gift the rest over the year, as the discounts on the products were significant.

Ouch to the neck Girlie. Hot bath with epsom salts maybe? Pain like that is very wearing I find, exhausting by the end of the day.

Productive day indeed Creme. Very satisfying surveying your work I bet!

Made the Jamie Oliver basic tomato sauce with tons of hidden veg tonight. I will freeze at least 3/4 more adult portions. Basically 3 tins of toms, onion, garlic, oregano and tons of veg. I then put chorizo, balsamic vinegar and fresh rosemary in our portion. Cheap as chips, easy peasy and batch cooking. Frugal win.

NSD.

I wish all our housework was done. After a weekend of all being ill it's a shit tip. At work all day tomorrow and have a friend coming round on Weds. Can probably persuade DH to clean the bathroom tomorrow night.

Yes Need it is wearing, I have dozed off twice today and I think its just being in pain makes me want to sleep! Have just had a bath which was lovely and am back to chilling on the sofa eating crisps now

fluffy we think catface was living outside this time last year. Poor thing. She was trapped in June. And came to us in September. So probably hasn't seen a Christmas tree before.

This is the tree. And catface.

She's had a good look. Has meowed at it and me. Sat very close to me and has now scampered off to hide under the bed. #brave

I think she's very intelligent. I bet she reads my books while I'm out.

Butternut and chorizo soup and homemade bread for dinner.

She looks great Em. Have you showed her simon's cat on youtube yet? I have no idea what cats think of that, but I always wonder.

I just made up my new frugaleering spreadsheets for 2017, so I am officially ready now.

Thanks for telling me about your friend and her DS and new baby Wreck. It really gives me heart. My boy does show empathy sometimes so I know he can, though he has to learn what comes naturally to most of us. Your friend must be so happy that he is accepting the baby , that's the best one could hope for in the early days.

Snuggly I was supposed to be reciprocating a play date /coffee with a nursery mum today, whose house was immaculate when we went. I was feeling a bit stressed as ours is somewhat topsy turvy being polite after 2 months of colds all round and general lack of energy on my part. Fortunately she has postponed by a week, although really, why do I think the next week be any different to the previous several? A triumph of hope over experience

Loving the tree chat. Ours has some very 'tasteful' bits on, including the gem I have attached here. I have also put the mini Christmas jumper bunting up in the dining area and I am thrilled with it! It goes along two whole walls, which just goes to show how much time i wasted on it when I wasn't doing housework

Just waiting for a cake to finish baking (for a pot luck lunch tomorrow) so I am warming some mince pies while the oven is on. This guarantees I will wake up at 3.30am with heartburn. Festive, though.

Re. Glitter-like nightmares, is moon sand different to kinetic sand? We have the latter and while I do have to get the hoover out it doesn't seem to scatter too much. Is moon sand a different thing to avoid?

I have previously used glitter glue which is much more sensible - however, DS particularly liked the sensory feedback of watching glitter (and anything else for that matter-sand, bricks) sprinkle /pour in front of his eyes. I was feeling indulgent. That'll learn me.

Fluffy regarding evil presents, I once gave my god daughter and her 4 siblings a mouth organ each for Christmas. My friend she still is, just phoned me on Christmas morning and just held the phone in the air for me to 'enjoy'. Needless to say, DS received a mouth organ from them for his second birthday. Luckily he still can't get a sound out of it.

Christmas would you mind my asking how the define this idea of lack of empathy in ASD people? I know some staggeringly unempathetic people who would never consider themselves ASD. They just think they are dominant, or in charge, and others might think they are misogynistic. I'm really confused about where the line is.

Epsom salts in the bath are supposed to be good Girlie. I know what you mean btw in your earlier comment, I don't 'do' being ill very well at all. I have NO time in my life to be ill!!!!!

Apologies for earlier typos, I was on the phone and present wrapping too. I have now picked up DD from yoga, had a bath and used all manner of creams, I am afraid I do love creams and skincare and make up and clothes (shallow, me?!)

Scarecrow We have 2 trees, my tasteful, expensive, matching and very classy tree with gold and chocolate brown baubles and plain white lights. Then an old, knackered tree with all manner of decorations on, all made or chosen by the DC as they grew up. The decorate it themselves and always have, in any way they want, and each crappy bauble means something and it's lovely.

Christmas that's hilarious about the mouth organ. Our ds banned mouth organs from an early age. He couldn't stick them at any price.

Cathode I can't give a textbook answer about empathy, I am not an expert and am still learning so much myself! I believe it stems from a typically reduced ability to see others' point of view rather than 'deciding' not to care. Young children develop theory of mind when still very young, where they realise that other people are not thinking the same as them and have separate thoughts (and therefore feelings). People with ASD typically develop this later and /or their understanding remains less well developed. And if they don't really understand that then they would struggle to have empathy. DS is only just understanding that we have separate minds- for a long time, and much longer than a neurotypical child, he would assume that I could read his mind so he would get very upset and frustrated when, for example, I didn't know what he wanted. I think he had always had a degree of empathy though - for instance, if a child in the park is crying he will be upset. Not all ASD kids would respond to that but then there is a lot of variation.

It is described as a spectrum, which it is, but I find it helpful to think of it as a wheel where the spokes are the different characteristics of ASD. I think of people with ASD being on a spectrum for each of the characteristics - they could be more extreme on some characteristics and maybe not very 'autistic' on others. DS has quite a pronounced communication difficulty compared to typical children, although he is verbal so in the ASD scale maybe moderate. He is also moderate on imagination (he can reenact and adapt a story but has no original imagination) but I think relatively good at some aspects of social interaction, for instance he is very positive about eye contact. And then on many things (e.g. food, route home from nursery, how to line up his trains) he is ridiculously rigid. So some 'spokes' are definitely more pronounced than others!

Also forgot to say - all of the characteristics of ASD will be found in some neurotypical people (including lack of empathy, difficulty with social interaction, lack of social imagination, over or under sensitivity to stimuli such as noise, rigidity of habit... etc) . None of them on their own means a person is autistic - it is the constellation of all the features, and the impact they have on the person's life, which indicates they are autistic.

When DS was around 2/2.5 years old, and I was starting to worry about him, I could rationalise literally everything I saw with 'lots of kids do that'. And they do! It was doing all of those things, as much as he did, and for so long in terms of where he should have been developmentally, that was the cause for concern.

Anyway, he is coming along very well st the moment, although with his improved ability to communicate comes assertiveness and the need to test boundaries. We are having challenging behaviour now (delayed terrible twos maybe!) that isn't, I don't think, his autism but just normal growing up stuff. However, his reaction to our response is flavoured by his ASD so that is keeping me on my toes!

Great posts Seacow I love the spokes idea. I was diagnosed last year and have had a lot of "well everyone is on the spectrum", or "lots of people do xyz" etc. But you're right, it's the combination of many behaviours and issues that make it a disorder (or difference as I prefer :o). I am expecting both the Caglets to be diagnosed with ASD as well but they are different in many ways - their spokes wouldn't be the same.

The empathy is an interesting one, I am not feeling especially eloquent right now but basically I think it's starting to become apparent that it's not as simple as 'autistic people lack empathy' - in girls I've even seen it described as too much empathy. It's just paralysing not being able to work out what the other person is thinking or feeling, rather than it being that we don't care. It's not so intuitive but girls tend to get away with it longer than boys by intellectualising social rules and mimicking others.

I can't advise on it in little ones but I did read about Social Stories and Comic Strip Conversations which look helpful for kids - worth a google or a read in Tony Atwood's books.

What I also meant to say, CRT, is that I can definitely relate to the whole not autistic but no empathy thing. I am so careful about trying not to hurt anyone's feelings but the cruelest words - whether towards myself or others - that I've heard have always come from a handful of neurotypical people who just astound me with their complete lack of consideration to other people's feelings - I find myself thinking "WOW, and I'm the autistic one?!"

Anyway should try and get back to sleep now.

Had a major breakthrough conversation with dh's adult godchild last night. Kris Kindle on the cards for next year - for me this will mean cutting out about 15 presents!! Awesome & cut the expense back to possibly €250 €100 per adult present & €25 for 2 children presents as opposed to god knows what at the moment but the stress will be reduced significantly!

Yes Cag, I also don't really agree that lack of empathy is necessarily an ASD trait. It seems to me more of a lack of ability to calibrate the correct response - in some people this results in a lack of empathy but in others it is 'too much' empathy. DS, like many people with ASD, is actually oversensitive in many ways. He gets quite upset that he might have hurt inanimate objects (for example he will apologise to a doorframe if he hits it with a toy as he comes through). The other day he hurt me a bit (just stood awkwardly on my leg as he was climbing on me) - I said 'ow' and he was really worried - apologised a lot and cried too. He needs a lot of reassurance in those scenarios because he genuinely can't sift what he should be worried about and what he shouldn't!

I don't take credit for the spokes analogy btw -I read it somewhere but I think about it a lot in relation to DS because it makes a lot of sense to me to think of his various characteristics as having differential emphasis rather than there being one spectrum.

Anyway, sorry for derailing the thread everyone!

I am fed up because I have another cold and it's a bit of a rotten one. It's so boring not being able to breathe and not being able to take the good drugs. Grr. I don't had a pretty much constant cold since October -surely I must be immune to all the bugs by now?!

Today might be spendy. We have our last ASD parent session today after 12 weeks so will be a bit sorry to say goodbye to everyone, though it will be nice to get our Tuesdays back. After a pot luck lunch with that group I am taking myself off to B&M which has opened in the next 'town'. I have never been and am absurdly excited about it.

I must not buy excessive plastic tat .

That's good about the pressie mammy.
Interesting about the lack of empathy info. I did not know that.
Hope people are feeling better. I'm still snotty but not as achy.

£9 on team breakfast today. Also need sausage rolls, a toys r us list, 2 wash baskets, some lidded drinking cups.
£2 yesterday on parking and church donation. Love a good carol sing

Christmas and Cag thanks that's really very helpful. Christmas I understand what you mean about ASD people assuming that people can read their mind, and I also very much agree that these traits can also be in non-ASD people. I still myself am very aware that I often assume that people understand what I'm thinking, when really they don't.

I totally agree that supposedly neurotypical people can be very very insensitive. I think that great thing that is coming out of this generation of thinking about ASD is that kindness and empathy is becoming a respected skill, and that's great.

mammy I cross posted with you earlier. What is Kris Kindle?

Kris Kindle is where you put all the names into a hat and everyone picks out one and you only buy for that person. It's secret Santa if the person who you're buying for doesn't know it's you that's buying it.

Interesting chat on ASD, am sure my dd falls somewhere in the high functioning side of the spectrum, she has lots of sensory issues but also struggles with regulating emotions and is over empathetic/ sensitive. I wish I knew what I know now about the sensory stuff when she was a baby, would have helped a lot!

I am feeling better today, neck is still sore but I can move it more and i don't feel sick/ lightheaded when the painkillers tail off! Hopefully will be alright for work tomorrow.

Going to attempt to wrap presents today if my neck can cope with it!

Spent £4.30 ish this morning on milk and stamps.