Need help and advice - things are not good.

[tutu100]

need help and advice to see if there is anything I am not doing or could be doing as we are not coping financially. DP works in on the face of it what seems to be a well paid job. And it would be if we didn't live in the south where property prices are high (although we live in the cheapest area in our city). Dp has to commute the 18 miles to work as there is no way we could afford to live near his job (very affluent city). He rides a motorbike though which really keeps petrol costs down compared to if he took the car. We do have a car, although it tends to only get used at weekends. It is 18 years old, so not worth anything and doesn't cost much to run.

DP has not had a payrise for several years. He is in a job where the hours are long, but it is salaried so no chance for overtime. I do not work partly through looking after the children (child care costs make it unfeasible), but also because atm I have mental health issues which mean I can't work.

As our income is classed as good we are not entitled to any benefits other than child benefit and we have had our tax credits cut down to what I think is the minimum and apparently next year we won't get them anymore.

We have been struggling for the last 18 months, but luckily had savings which we kept dipping into to make up the short fall. However at the rate we are going we only have 2 months worth of money in the savings and then it's gone.

Also I have been able to cope food wise because we've always had a pretty well stocked up cupboard and freezer, but even those supplies have depleted and now no longer get replaced.

Basically I need suggestions of where else I can cut spending so it matches our income.

We have no debts at all (other than mortgage), dp has made sure all our suppliers for things like gas, electric, insurance etc are the cheapest. We already shop at Aldi, and have always used car boots as a source of clothes and toys for the children.

DP and I don't buy anything for ourselves unless it is absolutely necessary. We don't go out either.

I feel really bad asking for suggestions because on the face of it DP earns what should be a good income but it just doesn't seem to be enough to live on anymore.

Wow, poor you, sounds like you're already pretty much doing all the sensible things that you can to stay afloat. My only ideas are that maybe you could look into work that you could do from home to earn a bit of extra cash, or do you maybe have a spare room that you could sublet for a while? Other than that, seems like your mortgage is the biggest drain on your resources, could your deal be renegotiated? Also do you have any equity in the house that you could free up? There's also no harm in your DH having a word with his bosses & asking if there's any chance of a raise. Hope you find a solution. xxx

Dp works in a job with a clear pay structure no chance of extra money unless he takes on extra responsibilities which I think the stress of which would probably kill him atm.

No spare room either unfortunatly. With regards to the mortgage we are currently on the bank's standard variable rate as we have such a poor LTV ratio we can't get a lower rate with a mortgage deal. No equity either, we bought the house in 2005 and it is still worth the same now as when we bought it (prices went up, but have fallen quite a lot round here).

Thanks for your suggestions though, you are right it is the mortgage which is crippling us, but the only area I can see to reduce spending is food as the mortgage amount isn't negotiable atm. This is the annoying thing if we could move up north where house prices are cheaper and we could probably have a similar sized house for half the money we would be laughing.

do you have anything you can sell on ebay?

then use your paypal balance to buy things that you need?

use sites like topcashback if you need to buy anything (I got £80 for one of the most reasonable car insurance quotes making it far far cheaper than the actual cheapest)

This might be a daft suggestion but could you move somewhere cheaper? We were in a very similar situation after DS1 was born, we were living in Surrey and barely surviving financially. DH found a new job in the north, we sold our 3 bed end terrace house and bought a 4 bed detached with £10k less mortgage.

I have to say the move was excellent for us. Outside the SE the entire family have had a much better quality of life than I think we would have if we had stayed.

I think we are in the same situation tbh.

Moving isnt any option as we are intrest only and owe ££'s here and there + the mortgage.

We are with natwest and have had major issues with our money, just proves to me that we heavily rely on CB to get us to the end of the month.

Could you get an evening job? Or are you not allowed to work? Could you perhaps do people's ironing? Pop down to your local supermarket about seven for bargains.

Buy the massive pasta bag tastes the same as the dearer stuff.

Sounds tough and sounds like you are doing lots anyway. From what you say the only thing you have left to cut back on is your food/household shopping. Can suggest a few things but not sure if much good in the grand scheme of things and you probably do them anyhoo but...

1. Write a weekly menu - saves you buying stuff you don't need as you haven't planned it out
2. Cheap cuts of meats slow-cooked are great - shoulder of pork, stewing steak etc
3. Get canny with the leftovers - left over pork chucked in a casserole dish with paprika, beans/pulses/tinned toms (and some chorizo if you can stretch to it) 4)At least one veggie meal a week - chick pea curry, veggie chilli etc - get the spices/flavour to "mask" the lack of meat if you think you will miss it
4. Baked potatoes, beans and cheese - cheap as chips and very nutritious

Shop with a list. And not sure of Aldi's prices or if in fact you may be better doing Tescos/Sainsburys - sometimes their BOGOF offers may stand you in better stead than Aldis - no idea. Maybe if you have time go onto MySupermarket.com and do a price comparison with your most recent receipt. I have always found as well that on-line supermarket shopping always saves me money as I don't buy on impulse so much. Especially now you can do he no delivery Click and collect thing.

Sorry if any of this is sounding bloody obvious (or if you are vegan/vegetarian and I have offended you). Just trying to help. And a hug.

i think you may be trying the impossible iykwim - i would think most families need two incomes these days to survive and having not having any debt is very unusual imo
i too live in the south worked part time in a high paid job and had free childcare - we always had debts and struggled every month financially
fair enough if you can't work - are you entitled to any benefits regarding your health problems?

I think, if you've identified that your home is the big, unaffordable item, that you tackle that directly. Either by reducing the cost of the mortgage by moving to another lender, going interest only for a short time, asking your lender for a short payment holiday, extending the term of the mortgage... those kinds of things. Or you think about downsizing and/or relocating. The job your DP does, would there be an equivalent role elsewhere in the country? It may sound drastic, but if moving 50 or 100 miles to another town means you can afford to live the way you want to without scrimping and without stress, it has to be on the cards

Thank you all for your suggestions and support. I am feeling a bit cheerier this morning. Yesterday was a bad day because we have run out a few things (we can live without them for a couple of days) and DP doesn't get paid till Friday this week.

I have been selling stuff on ebay. Had somethings end last night and the money from an item that is being collected today will be used to buy food to tide us over till payday. Trouble is again we are going to run out of things to sell soon.

We thought about moving away years ago, but the only job DP could get was in a city fairly nearby, but where house prices were unaffordable for us so we've stayed where we are. Atm I could not move miles away as due to my mental health problems I rely really heavily on my family who live locally. Obviously once I get better I will try and get any job I can do, although it would have to be evenings or weekends, and I know that if I can work that would make a huge difference to us.

I realised last night it's not so much the mortgage which is crippling us (although it will always cause us to struggle), it's actually the maintainence of the house which is what is causing us to go over our monthly income. Every month there seems to be a vital job that needs doing to the house e.g. repair the roof, fix a fence which came down in the winds. This month we had to replace the floor of the bathroom after a leak which was caused by a broken sink which we hadn't had the money to fix before now. We bought the cheapest new sink and taps and flooring and DP and a friend fitted it all, but it was still an extra £200 which we didn't have (and came out the savings).

I will double check the benefits, but I wasn't entitled to anything a while ago (even though I would have no problem proving I'm not fit for work) as Dp's wages are just over the limit.

I know we aren't the only people in this situation and things will get better one day. I am really grateful for everyone help. Yesterday was a bad day and I feel much more positive today. I am lucky because atm I have a secure home, a DP who loves me and 2 beautiful DS's. As long as they are safe, fed and happy that's all that matters.

"I am really grateful for everyone help. Yesterday was a bad day and I feel much more positive today. I am lucky because atm I have a secure home, a DP who loves me and 2 beautiful DS's. As long as they are safe, fed and happy that's all that matters."

so true

Good luck

Do you qualify for DLA?

Second what nannyl says. You have got the importabt bit right.

Could you ask a local college about doing a basic DIY course? That would save you a lot on home maintenance, and those courses are often free through e.g. Sure start.
Your local church may be able to offer you support financially, or with childcare or mental health issues.
Do you have a monthly budget? Writing out exactly what you spend and on what might help you identify savings.
Have you contacted your home insurer about the house repairs? You might find you could claim back some of those costs. It's what home insurance is for, after all.

Do you have home insurance? I'm pretty sure that the leak in the bathroom would have been covered. And maybe not the blown-down fence but a damaged roof is usually covered.

Have you considered buying things to sell on E Bay? You would need to register with HMRC as a business, but I made about £650 doing this over the Summer last year. I went to my local car boot each week and bought things which I then sold on Ebay. If you do your research on the completed listings on Ebay you can get a good idea of how much things go for so you will know what profit you are likely to get by buying certain things. If you get to car boots shortly after they open you can get amazing things for very cheap. Even if you don't make much on an item, if you get 10 or 15 things and only make £2 or £3 quid profit on each you have a nice little sideline...

I've only just had a chance to come back to this thread. I double checked whether I was entitled to any benefits as I am unable to work due to health problems. I'm not, it's not due to our income as such, but because DP works more than 24 hrs per week.

With regards to claiming on the insurance for things. I did try for the roof, but the insurance company said someone would have to coem out and look at it, and from what I was describing it was maintainence rather than accidental damage, and even if it was covered the excess was going to be £150. So Dp and I thought it was better to pay for it to be fixed ourselves rather than claiming and the premiums going up.

I am seriously considering the idea of an ebay business pancakeboobies. Either buying stuff up the carboot once I've run out of our own stuff to ebay, or doing some kind of sewing crafts, although I know there is a lot of that out there already. As you say even small profits would add up and it is something I can do at home and fit around the children.

Thanks again to everyone for your help and support. Sunday when I wrote the OP was a really bad day, one of those bleak ones when you feel things are never going to get better. I've felt a lot better since then and now it's only 2 more days till DP gets paid. Can't believe how much I'm looking forwards to doing the food shopping this weekend!

If you have some time, have a read of this thread.

Good luck :)

This is going to sound tough but you really need to get a grip of your own situation, especially your mental issues.

Forget about all the e-bay, Aldi nonsense, your situation is too far gone for these things to make much difference.

Your partner sounds like he is working himself into an early grave.

What you need to do is get yourself a proper salaried job (don't mention your mental problems to anyone, under any circumstances), this real income will make all the difference in the world. If this all sounds like a mountain to climb, try going part time and building yourself up.

What special skills/trade do you possess?

Katspaw, if the OP is unfit for work due to mental health issues, then she is unfit for work! Would you tell someone who was unfit with a physical issue to 'get a grip'?

OP, Disability Living Allowance is not means tested, so your Dp's income or working pattern will make no difference. If you are so ill that you wouldn't have trouble proving you are unfit for work, then you may well qualify.

katspaw the op has already said she cannot work.
I would say that it's not easy to sort out your MH issues and pop out and get a job?
Also she said that the childcare costs would be too much.

Op I agree with meal planning, it's saved me a lot of money, because you only buy what you need. I also buy one item for my stock cupboard or freezer every week.

eBay business very good idea as well, you can pick up stuff from car boots quite cheaply and make a little profit it all adds up.

I will say, if you have MH issues, try not to put too much pressure on yourself to get a job. If you can start working a couple of evenings a week, fine, only if you can manage it at the moment.

I'm laughing over the getting a job. If I could work I would do, however the fact I am unable to leave the house alone is a bit of a problem. I've been having treatment for anxiety and depression for the last 3 years and I've had to fight for that, only recently have I got what is hopefully going to be the proper treatment for me. In the future once I have recovered, the children are older and don't require so much childcare, and I go back to work we will be fine. The problem is now Katspaw and sadly like many on mumsnet I am in a position of trying to make money appear from no where.

My DP is not quite working himself into an early grave due to me. In fact me being at home makes some parts of his job a lot less stressful as I sort out everything for him in the house, which means when He works funny hours he has nothing he has to worry about apart from doing his job.

Going back to the benefits, I check on the Gov, website and from what I understood I couldn't claim because DP works more than 24 hours per week - have I misread this?

Ok I've just realised people are talking about DLA (which I'd never considered), I have been talking about incapacity benefit (or whatever the new term for it is). I will find out more about the DLA. Having read the criteria it would seem I do fit it.

Have you run your details through the Turn2Us Benefits Checker? It's a pretty good resource that may not be able to tell you exactly how many ££s you could claim but can point you in the direction of places to apply.

If the excess on your insurance is £150, consider switching insurer and reducing your excess. No point paying for cover if you end up repairing everything at your own expense.